Can I have a rant about dating app?

[Verytiredofwaiting]

I am a novice, so had a scout round on this board and went for Bumble, incognito to find my feet. Looking for a man mid 40s to mid 60s. These are the things I'd like to moan about please:

75% of them have a dog
80% of them are in lycra
A ridiculous number claim sailing as a hobby - we're 90 miles from the coast
They say non smoker then one of their pics has them smoking a bloody cigar!
Or worse, they say single and then have a pic wearing a wedding ring!
Then there are the ones with nothing on their profile, or just 'message me and ask' no mate, how about you manage to string a couple of sentences together so I can see if there's any chance I'd want to message you?
And the ones who have 'this app is shit no one replies don't bother if you're not going to message' as their bio,no thanks you sound too angry if you're going with that rather than saying something about yourself
And the ones whose bio is 'don't use fillers or have duck lips they make you look shit' - I don't like that look either, but I certainly don't want a man who thinks he can tell women what they should do with their faces

Almost makes me regret ending it with my avoidant workaholic only wants me when he's bored ex. At least he can manage couple of sentences and doesn't smell of cigars.

Anyone want to have a moan with me?

The number of men holding fish always baffles me

Yup pretty much describes my experience 🤣 including the avoidant ex who only wants me when he’s bored situation (includes Lycra 🤣) OLD is just where all my types end up

They've probably read the rulebook in trying to make themselves look attractive. The dog makes them look warm and friendly, who doesn't like an animal lover!? Lycra equals cycling equals fit, so not a fat slob and plenty of stamina. The fish one is they've got a dull but safe hobby, you cant be angry about them sitting for hours with another man beside a lake.

I could pretty much write the same from a male perspective. Holding children is a baffling one for me. Dogs and cats on beds. Also kissing dogs,cats and horses.
Holding fish (I kid you not)
Curvy (obese)
Average (obese)
Ask me! WTF
Fill in later (when?)
I'll come back to this (when?)
Sat on motorbikes
Sat on motorbikes with helmet on
Sat on horses with riding hats and sunglasses
Skiing (with helmet on)
photo as a couple with male edited out. Ex, son, brother or father?
I could go on.
Sorry to derail. but it's not a one way street OP.

Oh and the ones who want someone who will go on adventures - like I think most women my age, I've got tween/teens, I can't go on spontaneous road trips.

I did see one guy who'd put: 'I've no pictures of me sweaty wearing a medal', so I kind of think there is some level of understanding that all the dogs and triathlons is a cliche amongst men?

It's all pretty tragic isn't it, marketing oneself with a handful of pictures and a few soundbites. But... that how it is, like it or lump it. Dog eat dog!

That guy in the example is going for sarcasm and self depreciation, which is one technique. Everyone tries to have a unique edge and obviously lycra and dogs dont work on everyone! Adventures is a common word as it sounds inviting and mysterious. They can hardly write looking for someone to go for a walk on a Sunday afternoon while the ex has the kids, sounds less inviting.

Scuba diving is popular in my landlocked area (as well as the fish)
Photos
-cropped from others so you get a woman's shoulder on view, likely a wedding with the ex
-selfie that looks like a mugshot

Yup the old cliches stand true. Triathons/cycling/dogs the usual. Amount as much emotional depth as a puddle 🤣

The ones where they’re laying with no top on in/on their bed looking (not) seductive

Or the one photo taken so far away only an eagle with binoculars can see what they look like

And is there a single man on a dating app whose perfect Sunday doesn’t involve a long walk and a roast in a country pub?

Yup.

I’ve come off OLD as I found a Facebook page called ‘are we dating the same guy ( insert area) and seen loads of the guys that had matched with me. 😭😭

It’s destroyed my faith in humanity!

A lot of them borrow a child or dog and it's not theirs, they may of only sailed once ever. Non smokers are smokers, not as tall as they say, they want a relationship 🤥 of course not!
yep it's difficult to determine what is factual, if you're unsure just avoid anyway 😂

I only had a handful of OLD dates but every one of them was either older or shorter than their profile. And that’s the ones who got as far as meeting up. Most of the matches revealed themselves as either unable to hold a conversation or total sex pests very quickly

@SamW98 I've given up for the time being it's so frustrating, I was so careful to match with ones that are looking for a relationship only to be duped, become sex pests by the time you exchange numbers or even after the first date, they make it clear it's all about rushing you to stay at theirs.
Also I'm fairly tall 5'8 so it's an obvious lie when they say 5'11 and I'm towering over them.

Oh God Bumble. Been on there a year, rarely match, met two men. One was sweet but not for me but keeps messaging me about his sad life and I can't bring myself to block him as it would be like kicking a puppy. Also claimed to be into running but nearly expired on a gentle walk.
The other grabbed me and started grinding on me hard on date 2 at a pub band, like a 20 year old in a club in 1990, and wouldn't fucking let go.

Video call to another man who was obviously married and lying badly.

I live in hope but the pickings are shit.

Hideously unattractive men lying 'seductively' topless on a hotel bed who are 'sex positive'. Men posing by cars/boats/Harleys that aren't theirs. Men whose interests are beer, football, beer, TV, beer, watching Formula 1, beer, fishing. Men who accidentally make it obvious they hate women.

The oddest ones are the 25 year olds who register as in their 50s, then confess in their profiles and want sex with older women. I'm not, at best, your kink or, at worst, the butt of a joke or going to get filmed/pranked on social media or porn sites.

In my admittedly limited experience, no there is not

Top off = sex pest
Lycra = my top priority will only be ever be hobbies.
Spontaneous adventures = I’ll never take your time into consideration. I want to
do what I want when I want

I met a guy on bumble 6 months ago. We just said I love you to each other at the weekend. It’s been amazing so far. He’s 44 and he is a Lycra wearing cyclist but the cycling does not come first 😂 (there were no Lycra photos on his profile though! I do occasionally get a lucrative selfie though and I send him selfies of my doing my hobby. It’s all for fun).

It isn’t all awful. Mostly is, but not all.

I have also learnt to parse 'sex positive' and 'open minded' as 'perve'. Though some do just come out and say looking for sub or something - I know for a fact there are websites catering to that interest, why don't they go there? Ditto to the couple looking for another couple, even I know fetlife and feeld exist!

Good luck to you, I gave up OLD a year ago after dealing with lycra wearing individual. Not been back since plus I’m 46 now and I’ve heard it gets even harder as you get older….

That was meant to say Lycra clad, not lucrative!

If we exclude lycra, fishing, dogs, sex pests, sunday roasts and walks, adventures, cars, football, beer, topless shots, cougar chasers.................what have we got left?!😂

I once was looking (my female friend is on there) and I was amazed as there’s one guy clearly at a wedding (possibly his) with the women’s head blocked out - odd!

Holding a fish seems weird, and they all seem to be into cycling or the gym.

And don’t get me started on the number of guys who were saying ‘if you’re menopausal I’m not interested’. That was from a right looker - not!

I often wonder what the female equivalent is?

maybe they all just had bad experiences. My friend said if she moved to WhatsApp that’s when the craycray can be established. My eyes were opened and when I’m single I’ll be nervous about using a dating app - I think I plan on staying single!

The way they now put looking for 'intimacy without commitment' makes me laugh. Just say you want to shag around 😂

Wearing sunglasses in every single photo, I can’t see you so see ya! Or photo is so far away i can’t see you even zoomed in with my specs on! 🤣