Can I have a rant about dating app?

[Verytiredofwaiting]

I am a novice, so had a scout round on this board and went for Bumble, incognito to find my feet. Looking for a man mid 40s to mid 60s. These are the things I'd like to moan about please:

75% of them have a dog
80% of them are in lycra
A ridiculous number claim sailing as a hobby - we're 90 miles from the coast
They say non smoker then one of their pics has them smoking a bloody cigar!
Or worse, they say single and then have a pic wearing a wedding ring!
Then there are the ones with nothing on their profile, or just 'message me and ask' no mate, how about you manage to string a couple of sentences together so I can see if there's any chance I'd want to message you?
And the ones who have 'this app is shit no one replies don't bother if you're not going to message' as their bio,no thanks you sound too angry if you're going with that rather than saying something about yourself
And the ones whose bio is 'don't use fillers or have duck lips they make you look shit' - I don't like that look either, but I certainly don't want a man who thinks he can tell women what they should do with their faces

Almost makes me regret ending it with my avoidant workaholic only wants me when he's bored ex. At least he can manage couple of sentences and doesn't smell of cigars.

Anyone want to have a moan with me?

From a guys point of view, it’s no better on the other side.

90% of the girls don’t smile.
most have their ti*s out
nearly all are selfies
and most don’t seem to have anything in their bio either

I obviously can’t comment on the men, but it’s just as tragic for us men!

I live near the coast , every man on dating apps has a picture of himself on the beach , or fishing, every woman has a photo of her self standing on a paddle board.... including my best friend who has only ever been paddle boarding once... to take photos for her dating profile 😂 I'm also sick of the pics of thier tattoos... showing off , I really dont give two shits if you've had a sleeve done , who cares it doenst make you look different as you all look the same! Agree a complete lack of intelligence, mind numbingly boring. I've dated two men from the apps , both has dogs , both mens cars and houses smelt like dogs as a result. Both said looking for a relationship, both wanted sex and co pany when it suited them, both had very very dull conversation. I've got Male friends that say the women are all the same too... pictures in gym, on paddle boards, tattoo show off or overly filtered , I give up!

I'm smiling in all of my pics.
I'm fully clothed in all of them.
Most are selfies that's true - I'm a single parent, no one takes photos of me I take photos of my DC!
I maxed the word count on my bio.

You'd think I'd stand out as a normal person with that context, but I can only conclude I am hideously ugly, cos next to none of the men I swipe match with me and those that do nearly all don't message 😱

I’ve had better experience to be honest… might not be in the spirit of the thread but just saying in case some of you want to stay hopeful 😊😊don’t give up, someone for you is out there!

I recognise all your experiences 😆
I did meet a nice man on Bumble - he was new on there, only been on for 12 hours and I swooped in.
he did have “sex positive” listed 🚩 but he likes sex, and so do I. He is respectful, emotionally intelligent, the opposite of a player. He is a widower whose late wife was his first serious girlfriend and I’m his second. His inexperience leads to its own issues but I’m kind of in the same boat with that and we can and do talk about everything.
whether it will work for us both long term with the complications of kids and what we both want, I don’t know, but he is a good guy.
so stick with it, focus on the new ones and don’t write people off too soon!

I have smiley pics btw and I did use “is he smiling” as a useful filter which discounted a surprising number! Also the gym pics - not least because I am “curvy” 😉 (yes, a bit obese technically 😁) so would assume I’m not their cup of tea.
i put on my profile that I was looking for someone who thinks bigger bottoms are 👌 and there’s a surprising number of those about!

Don't like women with short hair.
If you wear leggings..you're not for me.
Worse is
Like cuddling up on the sofa with a bottle of wine.
( means won't spend money to take you out... wants to sit on YOUR sofa and probably expects the woman to buy the wine..

@Hatecleaninglovecleanhouse A grey haired, almost gurning horny woman in her early 70s I used to know was pleased as punch that she had 18 - 25 year old matching with her on these apps, as in a sort of 'I'm in demand darling!' sort of way. She was serious.

It's not a compliment though. Like you said, these men are wanting to sleep with someone who looks like their grandmother for a reason.

I live near the coast and really want to enjoy paddle boarding. Never tried it, but it seems....boring?

The fish one.. I think it's because men are so shy to ask another man to take a photo of them unless it's with a big fish.

I also agree that any negativity or policing women's body (like 'please have normal eye brows' or 'no vegans' ) is a turn off but I'm glad they show me so early on!

Any man saying ‘no drama’ usually means - don’t call me out on my shitty behaviour

And as for ‘I love to laugh’ - absolutely meaningless trite nonsense. Laugh at what?

Totalling agree about the tattoos, men thinking they are edgy but actually they are ubiquitous on OLD.

I used to use OLD a lot about 10-15 years ago, and I honestly would not do it again. I meat A LOT of people there, I done that thing where you go on a lot of short dates with people to see if you click. So met a lot of guys. It was really, really sad. None of them would be able to pick a girl on a night out - to start with, they were all odd looking (short, fat, hairy etc in a variety of combinations) - which, in itself, is not really a problem - but, worst of all, they were badly adjusted socially, had strange attitude to females (very incel-like) and were desperate for sex. Some were openly looking for a partner who earns a lot. A sprinkling of foot fetishists and clearly very disturbed guys (one told me in detail how he would choke me to death while raping me, thankfully, over a skype call).

Basically, looking around me - all the well adjusted, reasonably "normal" 30-40 y.o. guys -the ones that have a good job, friends, no addictions, want a family - are picked up almost as soon as they are "back on the market". They don't need to even make an effort as there are always someone who knows someone they could be paired up with, or there is an old female friend, or someone they work with (usually around 10 years younger).

Saying that, I'm sure there are some good ones on OLD, too - but they are very few and far between. You have to have a thick skin and steely determination to find them. I have neither of these so been single for a long time! And plan on staying single as no relationship, in my mind, is worth all this effort.