How did we end up HERE?? Major differences in relationship.

[cookiescreamiwanttoscream]

This is going to be long and potentially just a huge ramble. If you're up for a rollercoaster then feel free to read. I'd appreciate it if you'd take the time.
I've name changed as this is somewhat outing as I'm almost certain nobody else will be facing these very specific petty issues.
I've been with my partner getting on for 8 years. We've had our differences which have been apparent but mostly able to resolve them or ignore them.
Our biggest differences are that of our ideas surrounding religion, ethics and politics.
Recently I got a tattoo - I'm English, and this tattoo is in a different language. It means a lot to me and is something I've wanted for a long time for a couple different reasons.
This sparked an uproar in the household for reasons unknown (make your own conclusion as I have mine!!)
Since then, I've been met with petty remarks from my partner as to why I've gotten this tattoo. How I'm a try - hard, a "beg", embarrassing, etc etc.
Now this may seem like a leap here, (in regard to what has happened next) but I am serious.
During a political discussion my partner has proclaimed that he will be voting reform UK in this year's general election. And what has pushed him to this decision is the fact that I got this tattoo. (Baffling I know)
This party completely oppose all of my morals and beliefs and I cannot stand them. Even worse than the actual party, the supporters themselves.
This took me aback a bit, but oh no. He was not finished.
He has shown me emails, that he has signed up to be an official supporter of the party and has registered to have flyers, posters and placards delivered to the house to display for reform.
He has told me he will come with me on the school run to hand out flyers for them, and that he will be putting posters in the windows of the house.
He has purchased pin badges and a blue tie for himself to dress up in a suit and hand out these bloody flyers!!!
For context, I know for a fact that a large percentage of the school will NOT appreciate this and that it will seem like some sort of stupid political statement due to the area we live in.
I feel like he will be parading behind me doing this as some sort of public humiliation tactic because I have essentially done something he does not like or agree with. And this is what I get because of it!!?
It's absolutely insane to me that he would go to this length. He finds it funny, and isn't even that politically Intelligent!
This is NOT normal behaviour, and I know this !
I don't know what I'm gaining through posting this here. But I just need to vent. I cannot really speak to my family members about this as it is too bloody embarrassing to admit!!
I really appreciate it if you've made it through this ridiculous post. I can imagine you're all just as baffled as I am about it all.
Maybe just some words of encouragement? Or a little group of you to help me take the absolute mickey out of what is actually quite worrying ?? 😵‍💫

One child together

It sounds like he's falling down the rabbit hole.

And the threats of following you on the school run and handing out leaflets is a way of showing you up in public, either to show people that his views are superior to yours, or just to make you look foolish. It's all about display. And public humiliation.

The more he makes these threats and gets a reaction from you, the more he will up the anti. Don't play along. I'd stop engaging in any political conversation with him. If he's serious about it, he will step up trying to "convert" you and if its just a display, he will get a kick out of arguing over it.

This is not the way a supportive partner behaves.

You mention you've already supported him with several issues, and that you are still quite young.
Its time to look at what you want for your future and your child's future.

You wouldn’t say he’s controlling but you later admit that ”in the past I've just accepted it and not done as I have wished to do for a quiet life. This time.. I decided screw it. I want this, I don't care what he thinks. And now this has come about as a result.”

This is controlling, OP. This is how controlling works. He tells you what to do and you do it because you are concerned about the consequences and when you don’t do it, he punishes you.

He isn’t proposing some sort of equalization - you put up your preferred political party’s posters so he’ll put up his - he is deliberately trying to humiliate you. Picking a party because you hate it, not because he likes it, and threatening to campaign in ways that will closely associate you with his actions. It’s not just petty, it is nasty.

ugh, tattoos are vile but imho but this is beside the point…

why waste 8 years of your life with someone you knew pretty well was incompatible on so many levels?

btw - I’ve had tattoo laser removal (got one done when I was a teen, lied about my age, got an adult to pose as a guardian - not in the UK - and always screened potential partners for tattoos or desire to get one - my BF is a 10/10 but if he gets a tattoo he is out, I don’t care what is is or what it symbolises

ah I see it is ‘nationalism’

good grief

guess he’s been like this for a while, did you just noticed?

I'd get out of this marriage now. He's been controlling you, as in you've been avoiding doing/saying things to upset him and set him off.

Get out before you waste anymore of your life.

Careful though, as he won't like losing control and you've already seen the lengths he'll go to to punish you for that.

Made me think about what Billie Piper possibly went through in her relationship with that idiot before she ended it. So sorry he is behaving in this appalling way @cookiescreamiwanttoscream

Could you email the school and let them know what he is planning to do? Not sure if they could do anything but I doubt they'd take too kindly to it

Did you pick a tattoo in Arabic just to wind him up?

@saveforthat no I did not. This is something I have wanted for a while. I did know it would annoy him, as he had expressed his disgust prior when I said I was booking in. But he can't make choices for my body and my views, so I did it because I wanted to.

No of course not. I absolutely agree he is in the wrong it just seems like a strange choice but that doesn't matter as it is your choice. I know there was a craze for Chinese symbols, I understand that some of the symbols did not say what the tattooee thought they did.

@saveforthat ah I see what you mean. Yes I know there is a craze for certain symbols, I've seen some funny ones that don't mean what they were meant to!
This isn't that though, this is just one simple word that is special to me

And what's the rest of the reason? What does the tattoo actually say? I don't understand why you didn't just say in the first place what the tattoo was that caused so much uproar. If you're so proud of it why be so evasive?

@TheTartfulLodger I mean it's not exactly secretive I just didn't think it was of any relevance. As it's not the word but the language that's the issue here I guess.
It just says "peace"

Just out of interest, why did you want it in Arabic?

@saveforthat there is a long backstory that isn't really relevant to be honest, but it means more to me than it would do just in English. It's nothing controversial that my partner should have an issue with at all. He's just difficult unfortunately

Obviously OK to be ageist though!

@Valeriekat I'm 63 myself so hardly a bright young thing- but I don't want a gvt full of mainly 70 something retired people with zero previous experience

@cookiescreamiwanttoscream
I think it might be helpful for you to go back and read (only) your posts on this thread.
Why? Because they show an intelligent, empathetic and kind woman who somehow has convinced herself that she doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with a loving, supportive man. That somehow, laughing will insulate her from all the stress and hurt and pain and anxiety of her daily life with her husband. That woman whose child is in the house watching the whole thing every day.
Read it twice if you need to. And then read all the wise women’s words telling you that you deserve better than living with an arsehole, and a racist arsehole at that.
It’s been eight looong years — do you really think he’s gonna snap out of it and become the loving, decent man you want him to be in the morning, or next Monday or next August?
It’s time to take care of yourself first — and take my word for it: your child is picking up on this dude’s shitty behavior as well.
Please don’t spend the next eight years waffling over whether you should put up with this - and in the meantime, your child is getting a huge dose of this dude’s shitty behavior, just by being nearby.
It isn’t all about you any more, is it.
Much love - that kid whose mom didn't leave