How did we end up HERE?? Major differences in relationship.

[cookiescreamiwanttoscream]

This is going to be long and potentially just a huge ramble. If you're up for a rollercoaster then feel free to read. I'd appreciate it if you'd take the time.
I've name changed as this is somewhat outing as I'm almost certain nobody else will be facing these very specific petty issues.
I've been with my partner getting on for 8 years. We've had our differences which have been apparent but mostly able to resolve them or ignore them.
Our biggest differences are that of our ideas surrounding religion, ethics and politics.
Recently I got a tattoo - I'm English, and this tattoo is in a different language. It means a lot to me and is something I've wanted for a long time for a couple different reasons.
This sparked an uproar in the household for reasons unknown (make your own conclusion as I have mine!!)
Since then, I've been met with petty remarks from my partner as to why I've gotten this tattoo. How I'm a try - hard, a "beg", embarrassing, etc etc.
Now this may seem like a leap here, (in regard to what has happened next) but I am serious.
During a political discussion my partner has proclaimed that he will be voting reform UK in this year's general election. And what has pushed him to this decision is the fact that I got this tattoo. (Baffling I know)
This party completely oppose all of my morals and beliefs and I cannot stand them. Even worse than the actual party, the supporters themselves.
This took me aback a bit, but oh no. He was not finished.
He has shown me emails, that he has signed up to be an official supporter of the party and has registered to have flyers, posters and placards delivered to the house to display for reform.
He has told me he will come with me on the school run to hand out flyers for them, and that he will be putting posters in the windows of the house.
He has purchased pin badges and a blue tie for himself to dress up in a suit and hand out these bloody flyers!!!
For context, I know for a fact that a large percentage of the school will NOT appreciate this and that it will seem like some sort of stupid political statement due to the area we live in.
I feel like he will be parading behind me doing this as some sort of public humiliation tactic because I have essentially done something he does not like or agree with. And this is what I get because of it!!?
It's absolutely insane to me that he would go to this length. He finds it funny, and isn't even that politically Intelligent!
This is NOT normal behaviour, and I know this !
I don't know what I'm gaining through posting this here. But I just need to vent. I cannot really speak to my family members about this as it is too bloody embarrassing to admit!!
I really appreciate it if you've made it through this ridiculous post. I can imagine you're all just as baffled as I am about it all.
Maybe just some words of encouragement? Or a little group of you to help me take the absolute mickey out of what is actually quite worrying ?? 😵‍💫

I suspect he is making sure that you never dare step out of line again.

I think your best move here is apathy, so at least he doesn't get the enjoyment of seeing you uncomfortable and embarrassed. I would definitely tell your family- the only person looking ridiculous here is him.

Your updates suggest that the love has gone from this relationship. I'm also willing to bet that the time and effort he's putting into humiliating you far outweighs any time or effort he's put in to do anything kind or thoughtful for you. He is a spiteful idiot and I think you ought to seriously reconsider this relationship.

It’s not just the sudden racism, it’s the way that he’s reacted in destructive and manipulative and threatening ways that’s an even bigger red flag (in my view) than the new found love of nationalism. I’m saying as someone who is black so obvs instinctively dislike / abhor racists.

I would divorce my partner if they voted Reform, for the simple fact it would mean that our beliefs were so far apart from each other that I couldn’t be with them. But I would also probably divorce somebody who planned to intentionally and maliciously humiliate me. He sounds like a thick bully: get out OP.

No you can NOT and you don’t have to luckily enough. I’d be willing to bet he’s not even racist, if he’s been living in quiet enjoyment of your (I assume) quite diverse neighbourhood. He’s just being a cunt and this is him telling how he’ll react to things he doesn’t approve of you doing

Well, he has made all this very easy for you to leave.

Of course, I imagine it'll all be classed as "just a joke" so I'd actually stay with him and let him crack on making a moron of himself, just so he can't wrangle out of it. Then leave.
I'd also wear a t shirt that said "not my political belief" with an arrow pointing to him, if he does go on the school run with you.

In reality, I'd just leave asap!

I could not be in a relationship with someone who admitted to voting Reform, let alone actively campaigned for them. If the values he has are linked to your tattoo, I would be out of there.

That said...

He may well find that once all his leaflets arrive, he is less keen to deliver them. Canvassing and delivering for political parties is hard work, physically and mentally, it is time consuming and you never know what reaction you are likely to get on the doorstep (or school gate!).

If the house is rented, how will your LL feel about a sign outside it, on his land? Even rented, he is still the owner and may not be keen on any association with any party. As an aside, as a local party representative for a different party, we always make sure everyone in the house agrees to it before one goes up.

This sounds insane.

Oh wow, I am so sorry you went through that! I hope you and your children are safe from him now!
It really is so scary to see how things like that can turn someone that is meant to love us into someone we barely recognise.
It is so awful. So many men (and women I suppose) fall down the right wing trap and turn into extremists !

@AccountCreateUsername oh it is definitely a red flag, and I'm glad it's not just me that feels this way as again, sometimes I do question things although I shouldn't. It's blatant to see there is an agenda to this behaviour. He detests what I believe in and what morals I have. (Although my morals are generally shared worldwide, sadly he does not agree)

@AccountCreateUsername sadly he is quite racist and it is so difficult to admit that he is. Because I'm in a relationship with him, and it's one of the worst possible things you can be. Racist jokes, remarks, bigoted views. But no. He wouldn't dare say these things out loud in our area. He likes to say he does, but I know that's not true as nobody would stand for it. I've told him many a time, one day he will fuck around with the wrong person and find out !

Ok that’s your answer.

You've been together a long time and have not realised how much he is controlling you.
And you haven’t because you’ve avoided flash points.

But this time, you’ve gone ahead and done what you wanted.
He is putting you back to your place using one thing he KNOWS you’ll hate: having people associating you with a party you hate.

Im afraid this is a LTB message from me.

I may get that T-shirt made 😆 it's awful as I feel like as his partner I will get viewed as having the same beliefs as him by others in public!! Which couldn't be further from the truth.
Part of me wants him to get dressed up in his little suit just so I can take the piss out of him. I cannot imagine how much of a wally he will look.

Doesn't it just!!

Agree with the poster who advised apathy. You need to be 🪨🪨🪨 while you 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆 because, as you said, he's not going to make it easy for you to leave and he is likely to ramp up the abuse that he's meting out if he's certain you're going to walk away.

I would not be with a man who voted Tory Reform I am afraid. He is not even ‘just’ a racist…he is stupid too!

OP so much sympathy for you.

You say you have developed an "I don't care" attitude; to me this says you are disconnecting to protect yourself. But once you start this, you cannot choose what you disconnect from, it affects your whole self, and all of your relationships. You will lose yourself gradually by trying your keep yourself safe.

It's not easy to leave. But in this situation, it will be harder if you stay. I think when you look at your tattoo later in life, you will realise that it saved you.

@letmeeatcrisps🌷

He sounds like a manchild, he's got multiple tats but objects to this particular one on you, because it's Islamic script so he's going to act like a complete idiot to punish you. I'd advise him that you will warn the school and they'd be likely to have him removed from the grounds. Id also be very tempted to say if he continues you'll be contacting the police yourself as this is coercive control.

The thing that would piss me off, is that this could have big consequences for your child(ren). Whatever he does in public, will reflect on them.

I would 100% go nuclear on the school run suggestion. He should not bring divisive political stances into ground zero of his kids' social lives. That is just so utterly selfish.

Do you really want to be with such a person?

This is such a bizarre read as it is so similar to what happened to me.

My best friend of forever is Muslim and the phrase 'It is written' has got us through some ups and downs. I'm not religious, but 'believe' in fate to an extent, so it's an oft repeated phrase between us!

As he can't get tattoos, I got it for us, once in Arabic (for him) and underneath it in English (for me). It was (and remains!) so important to me and my partner at the time just could not get over it.

I'm not sure if the problem was the male best friend, the Arabic or the Islamic connection (I asked if he would have the same reaction if I got a Bible quote tattoo in Latin for a female best friend and he just spluttered) but he was a complete dick about it. Would bring up 9/11, 7/7, suicide bombers almost daily, until I ended it. The tattoo hadn't even healed yet!

I regret nothing!

(As I was kicking him out he told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life, I told him I was absolutely certain that I wasn't. He asked how I could be so sure, I said 'because it is written' 😬)

And he calls you the embarrassing one for getting a tattoo? 😅
Is he serious or is he an over exaggerator, either way is still weird behaviour...

@letmeeatcrisps

How on earth do you parent with him?

I love this so much. I'm glad you found the strength to leave. I also believe "it is written"
🩷

Do you share the kids?