Being called a cripple

[IWantToBeASleepingCat]

I haven't dated for ages..acquaintance put me in touch with a man .. who hadn't dated for ages. We only chatted. Had loads in common.. music especially ( big passion for us both) he's got a motorbike ( l used to be a big biker). He's an hippy kind of guy.. just my type.
Both had similar jobs etc..we are now retired.. he still rides his bike ( he also has a car). Gosh we talked on the phone for hours. .
He asked me out and said...perhaps we can go for a ride on the bike.
I said l now use a walking stick due to breaking my hip and now have osteoarthritis and couldn't get on a bike.
He went quiet.
I said are you still there..
He dithered answering then said..
" l don't think l could date a cripple"
I put the phone down and blocked him..

Unpleasant for you, but also a reminder of why it’s really unwise to spend loads of time on the phone before actually meeting. You feel you’ve gelled and are then disappointed when a complete stranger dismisses you based on your looks/disability etc.

Oh that’s a truly horrible remark @IWantToBeASleepingCat. To reduce you to a stereotype and such a very loaded, judgemental word…really shocked tbh, the more so as you were introduced by a mutual acquaintance.

When I first started OLD I was briefly in touch with a very nice man. When I told him about my chronic health condition, he sent back the kindest reply, saying that his deceased wife had had MH issues and he couldn’t face any sort of illness, even physical as mine was, again. But please not to take it personally as it was about him, not me. I think it was the most graceful, considerate rejection I’ve ever had!

What a horrible, ignorant comment. It must've been such a shock to be on the receiving end of that after having such a positive, pleasant conversation.

You did the right thing by hanging up and blocking him.

Please take comfort in the fact that you dodged a bullet. It's his loss, not yours

I'd think that it demonstrates what a GOOD idea it is to talk on the phone before meeting. At least you haven't wasted time, effort and money on an actual date with someone crap and rude.

What a wanker- good for you putting the phone down, op. Please share this exchange & derogatory insult with your mutual friend

What a disgusting man he is. You really had a lucky escape op. Sorry it happened and well done for blocking this sorry excuse for a human being.

#savage

Probably didnt mean any malice in the word, and at least he didn't mess you about. But not exactly tactful.

But you’re more disappointed when someone you think you’ve formed a connection with turns out to be disabilist.

No malice??? By using a horribly offensive outdated term.
I always find if anyone can use these words so casually, that tells us all we need to know about the way they think.

Oh, I wonder why he hasn't been able to get a date? Very mysterious.

Make sure you tell your friend exactly what this twat said to you.

Come down from that high horse. My point is the gent probably comes from a generation where the word was commonly used, and didn't have the negative connotations it has today., i.e. he wasn't intending to cause offence by the word. If he'd said disabled it would have been less offensive, but the sentiment was the same.

What generation would that be? Not anything from about 1950 onwards.

If cripple isn't malicious not to mention highly offensive then I don't know what is.
Lucky escape OP, what a horrible man.

Whet generation was that then? I’m mid 50’s and it’s been an offensive term all of my lifetime

And it’s not a high horse to be aware of using terms that are known to be offensive. Otherwise still he making excuses for people using the N word or saying ‘p*ki shop.

Fine, as you don't date wankers either.
He's a tosser.
Level of fitness can come into who you'd date, especially when older and everyone starts being at different levels. While it's fair to chose someone of similar abilities if you want, he was obnoxious about it, so it shows his personality is lacking also, explains why he's single.

One minute I'm trying to make the poster not feel so bad about herself, the next I'm having to explain myself. They'd chatted for hours, he was charming and they got on well. He just thought on the hoof and came up with an outdated word. We should be arguing more about the fact he was so concerned about a walking stick than the word he used.

Google says the term became offensive sometime in the 1970s. This man is retired, so I'm going to take a guess and say hes about 70s. That would be born 1950s, the term gradually becoming taboo in sometime when he was in his 20's. Yes he should know better but it was more an accepted word when he was growing up. Plus the word is still in use as a verb and isnt offensive, perhaps leading to confusion with the noun.

I hope you have told your mutual friend what an arsehole the guy is!

"I don't date arseholes"

You had a lucky escape. Fuck him.

Was he not British?

It was a shitty way to phrase it. He should have been a bit more sensitive and phrased it more like your lifestyles don't align or something like that which is fair enough. I would let it put you off trying to date in the future if that is something you want though.

Thankyou everyone who gave me kind words..no matter the age.. l think everyone knows it's not a term we use these days.
He's not in his 70s nor me.
We were retired at 55 ( our jobs allowed us). We have not reached anywhere near 70 lol.
I never got the chance to say .. I'm having an hip replacement.. so let's see.. is was the word " cripple " that shocked me... plus his tone.
He dithered so he had time to think of a more appropriate word or how to tell me.

What a total dick.

So sorry you were on the receiving end of such dickery.

And to add to the insult and shock, commenters here are minimising, excusing, and making it somehow your fault for not mentioning it sooner.

Seriously?

I’m outraged at him, but even more outraged at posters here for glossing over it.

Oh c'mon. Even if he was in his 70s (which he'd need to be to remember the word being in common usage) unless he's a recluse with no access to media, then he would know that it's not any more. Of course he knew. He just didn't care. And he's no 'gent'.

It was in use in the 70s