Being called a cripple

[IWantToBeASleepingCat]

I haven't dated for ages..acquaintance put me in touch with a man .. who hadn't dated for ages. We only chatted. Had loads in common.. music especially ( big passion for us both) he's got a motorbike ( l used to be a big biker). He's an hippy kind of guy.. just my type.
Both had similar jobs etc..we are now retired.. he still rides his bike ( he also has a car). Gosh we talked on the phone for hours. .
He asked me out and said...perhaps we can go for a ride on the bike.
I said l now use a walking stick due to breaking my hip and now have osteoarthritis and couldn't get on a bike.
He went quiet.
I said are you still there..
He dithered answering then said..
" l don't think l could date a cripple"
I put the phone down and blocked him..

Wtf?

That's really unkind of him, it's clearly not an OK word to use, there's no excuse for it

You can be wtfucking as much as you want but it's still used in many places. Similarly to r word etc. If he were from these places it would be different matter to Brit who should know it's unacceptable.
Not all world is following your acceptable/unacceptable dictionary. It can be hard to navigate at the beginning.
When I moved to UK someone told me black is not ok and I should say coloured! Infront of black colleague...

What makes you think you know my dictionary of acceptable words?

And it was derogatory and rude then!

Of course. Looking back, laanguage used to descibe a variety of conditions, such as Downs syndrome, was appalling.

I mean, I can’t imagine why he’s still single.

Ugh. Dodged a bullet there, I’d say!

Oh come on my 85 yer old mother wouldn't used that word. It's been out of favour for at least 20 years.

Ok, agree. Confusing of you though as you said it in push back response to pp who was refuting this pov:

"Come down from that high horse. My point is the gent probably comes from a generation where the word was commonly used, and didn't have the negative connotations it has today., i.e. he wasn't intending to cause offence by the word. If he'd said disabled it would have been less offensive, but the sentiment was the same"

Why did you align yourself with this if you agree with me and think the language was considered as shitty then as it is now. 🥴

Or you mean it was considered ok then but seems awful now. (It wasn't - it was always derogatory)

I am late 60s and would never use that word - or be so rude!

@Pinkbits the generation that would have found this an acceptable word are either dead or old-old, it's a word anyone born post war would know is derogatory.

He's an arse hole and you've had a lucky escape that he showed his true colours so early. I know lots of people decades younger than you who are disabled and chronically ill who have loving partners.

It was in response to the poster who thought it disappeared from use in the 1950s. I merely pointed out it was in use in the 70s
And yes, it is an appalling word at anytime, and no, I did not agree with it then. Don't incorrectly ascribe attitudes to me

Only as a term of abuse. Like the S-word, it being known as offensive is what led to it being reclaimed (see also Spasticus Autisticus by Ian Dury).

If we really want to go through the gamut of disablist abuse terms of the 1970s and compare & contrast from a position of lived experience vs you stating it was a perfectly normal and neutrally descriptive term along the same lines as those used for people with trisomy, perhaps you could set up another thread?

Your post "what generation would that be...not anything from 1950s onwards"
My response "it was in use in the 70s" a statement of fact

Hysteria of the womb said " and it was derogatory and rude then" . Ithanked/agreed. And responded of course, looking back, language used...was apppalling" I did not say I used such language
So why are you deliberately trying to accuse me of supporting such attitudes and language?

He sounds completely awful! Not just using a horrible word but also being an ableist twat

Oh I see, that wasn't clear, the implication was that it was in use and ok (given the logic flow of the posts) thanks for tidying that up.

Sorry for the derail op.

That must have been horrible and shocking and I could imagine drills really get under your skin given the rapport you had built by that point.

I hope it doesn't stay with you, I think his attitude to write someone off do easily knowing very little about it is very, thankfully, rare.

Hope your hip replacement does the job. My mum has had two now and does Zumba and aqua fit and the works... Quality of life successfully regained. 💐

I agree, I’d prefer to make a connection on the phone then find out they are awful than to meet a complete stranger then have a really traumatising in-person experience. Example - being ditched at a restaurant. Everyone is different though but for me it’s better to do that. When I was dating this is how I went on very few dates. I weeded them all out within weeks. Just give men enough time, keep them talking and they’ll reveal themselves!

Exactly - my Nan lived to be 93 and I can remember her saying (in relation to her niece who caught whooping cough and became severely disabled) that the child's dad punched a teenager who called her that work in the 70s!

An outdated, offensive word .... And what kind of person would say that out loud to someone.

There are other ways of saying that. He wasn't capable of doing that or he didn't chose to. Neither say good things about him.

Very strange individual.

Also, he's clearly looking for someone with zero issues (and him saying that in that way tells you a lot about him) which means even if you had none when you met but developed anything, he'd be someone who'd lack tolerance, kindness, forbearance, support etc. He'd possibly even dump his partner. Or at the very least be intolerant and grumpy and make the relationship shit.

Edit: poster has clarified.

I did NOT say it was acceptable
I pointed out it was still used in the 70s in response to the poster who stated that it hadn't been used since the 50s. C'est tout
For clarity
I DO NOT THINK, NOR HAVE EVER THOUGHT, THIS WAS AN ACCEPTABLE TERM TO USE

Sorry, @Mirabai , i was responding to your post before you added it was clarfied: that bit hadn't shown on my feed while I was replying
🙂

You had a lucky escape there! What a nasty thing to say to someone. Let’s hope he doesn’t fall of his bike one day and need a walking stick…