We were each other’s first. Married for 14 years and 2 kids. Since covid my husband is working from home. He usually goes out on guys trip 3-4 times a year after kids. We used to travel a lot before kids. After kids it’s hard to take vacation. When we do it’s like being parent in different city. He doesn’t seem cheater type.
Last year he came up to me and said he got positive for chlamydia and his dr said I should get tested (I was positive). I was furious and I asked him where/how did he catch this. He said ‘we travelled to many 3rd world countries so might’ve caught it from unhygienic environment.’ He sent me articles showing this STI could catch through eyes or dirty towels. I told him this is STI and not a cold and can’t be caught without sexual contact. He stuck to his story snd kept saying he didn’t cheat. In one of the argument he said ‘what if I did cheated, I come back to you, I am here with you, I love you. I am always home and in front of you. You have access to all my stuff phone, laptops, accounts etc ‘(I do but I don’t go through them). So I met my Dr and asked if it possible to get this from non sexual contact. She said it is highly unlikely but as people of science nothing is 100%. He was willing to help in any way for me to come out of this grief. We had couple of couple therapy sessions before I let it slip by.
Fast forward to 2024. I went to my gynecologist for routine check up and discussed this past chlamydia result. She said ‘if you didn’t cheat then he did. I am sorry this STI and only spread through sexual contact.’ Being each other’s first there was no dormant effect here. This got me furious and I knew he cheated and manipulated me into thinking he didn’t. When I confronted him he continued saying he didn’t cheat. When I asked him to swear on our children and his mom and he sweared. i was enraged and about to blow up anytime. I told him to come clean. One time he set me down and said ‘if you think I cheated then you think that but I know I didn’t. now what should we do. You don’t want me go on guys trip then I won’t. You and Kids are most important to me.’ I listened to him but somewhere I was still not satisfied. I wanted to know the details who, what, when, why, how etc. He is great dad to our children. Always works hard and manages to get time out for children. After a day later I wrote him email that I am not satisfied with his answer and he needs to come clean and I don’t know how long I could hold all this inside of me. I wanted to talk to his mom (whome I am close to). He asked for couple of days to back track his thought to see if anything happened under influence of drugs while he was out with his friends. He does occasionally drugs/marujana when on guys trip. He doesn’t smoke or does drugs when home. He works from home. He made some calls and found out while out with few of his friends and friends’ friend they did drugs in hotel suites. As he travelled from US he was exhausted and as occasional drug taker (under peer pressure) his system didn’t handle it well and he puked and passed out. One of friends’s friend called prostitute to the room. The friend he called said ‘i saw her doing something to you while you were passed out. It kinda looked like BJ.’ DH said I asked him why didn’t you tell me anything back then. The friend said he was wasted and next morning went out of town and then forgot.
This is my whole story. Do I seem paranoid? I still don’t believe him as he was building his story and trying to blame it on Drug influence. What do you guys think should I give this relationship a chance for my kids. We don’t have a great sex life (4-5 times a year per my much request) after kids. As he is busy establishing his business and works around the clock. He keeps telling me he doesn’t have the same sex drive as before. He always willing to work on this issue whenever I brought it up. He always takes time out of busy schedule to go out on date every week with me alone and as whole family. I am financially and emotionally strong. He alway encouraged me. We were always each other’s rock. We had perfect relationship and great partnership till this came up. Can this be one time thing? If he is a cheater type then wouldn’t he be secretive, making excuses to leave home, watch/addicted to porn? He doesn’t display any of these red flag. I am torn between my heart and brain. Not sure which one to believe.