Fuck off your a miserable bitch

[Cleansheetsandacuppa]

DH tells me to leave the kitchen, he needs help in the garden. Ok, I take out the washing. It’s spitting but will clear up. I don’t want the dryer on.
he tells me to take it down, it’s raining.
esrlier we’d resolved the discussion where I put too much ketchup on y plate, while he finally acknowledged he threw away too many oven chips.
i said, I don’t want to start the argument again, it’s silly and we’ve resolved it.
i hang out washing, he tells me to take it down, I say stop telling me what to do ( recurring theme)
he told me to fuck off and under his breath, ‘miserable bitch’
im furious, and hurt and so confused. What would you do?

I couldn’t live like that.

This sounds like a miserable existence. I couldn't be in relationship with so much silly bickering. Ketchup? Chips? Laundry? Who has the energy to fight about such stupid shit.

Sounds miserable for both of you.

What would you do?

I'd get rid of him.

From this snap shot it’s sounds like neither of you like each other. So I think there only one way to resolve it. Split up.

Wow. Do you always spend your days arguing over such mundane, pathetic, ridiculous things? It sounds hellish. For both of you

Who has the energy to live like this? I hope you don’t have children?

All sounds very tedious, I wouldn’t have the energy to argue about ketchup and washing. Is this what things are like all the time? :(

I wouldn't find it enjoyable to spend my time fighting with some bloke about anything, nevermind ketchup (?), it wouldn't enhance my life, so wouldn't have got past argument number one.
Enjoy life.

It wasn't in the op, so can you tell us why you are both staying in a relationship where you despise your spouse? It will help responders ti help you if we know why you are staying in a miserable situation.

He tells you you use too much ketchup, when to put washing out?
Fuck that, put him out, nagging prick.

Quite frankly if dh thought the washing needed bringing in he would do it. Fold it, and dry it. He often irons it too but I enjoy ironing so it’s fine if he doesn’t iron it.
He does all the cooking so I never critisise the portions.
Your relationship sounds toxic.

Listen to him.... Effectively fuck off is ending your relationship imo. He has no respect for you or your relationship.. End it today...

Thanks. We’ve had a lot of stress recently. He’s pissed off as he works v hard brining in the money while I have a part time job. Yesterday I spent the morning talking to him, then son, 16, then went out with mates. From about 1.30 till 6.30. he worked in the garden with a pal. He’s now saying, you went to the pub while I did the garden, I wanted your help and now it’s raining.

it is toxic and I’m only just realising.
im getting counseling to be more assertive. I asked him to apologize and he kept attacking verbally, it’s like arguing with a child. So I calmly talked to him as if he was a stripy 6 year old.

why, if he’s pissed off an needs help in the garden can’t he say that? Why can’t I hang my washing in the rain if I choose to?
whycantI wow! Tbf he washes and mostly irons his own shirts.

he also wants me to put all my wages into our joint account. That’s fine, but I’d like some so I can feel that I can treat myself to a lily/ haircut etc.
i put all my inheritance in there.

he says, of course get your haircut, you can spend money!
but then complains if I have too much ketchup on my plate. Very confusing.

Lippy not Lilly 🙄

Miserable existence OP. Partners are meant to enhance, not chip away at us. We only get one life. And it's hard enough without having someone negging us all day.

He’s pissed off as he works v hard brining in the money while I have a part time job.

I can appreciate he thinks that’s unfair. Do you plan to go full time?

Besides that, it doesn’t sound like you actually like each other. Is this how you want to live? Might it be better to split up now and go your own separate ways?

Get rid of him!

I got rid of mine. There were many many reasons, but one of the final straws was him (aged 31) texting an 18 year old "I'd love to have you round for dinner. Where can we send Sanity?" DS was 9 months old at the time.

yes, if he's so quick to be so nasty about ketchup, chips and laundry then he's not going to be attuned to your deep distress that ........ he is so nasty about ketchup, chips and laundry. Not everything can be resolved because some people aren't open to reciprocal to feedback or modifying or compromising.

Some people want you to play the part of uncomplaining character in their ''hero'' story.

It sounds like there is some resentment there from him. He works full time, you don't. He spent his Saturday working in the garden, you had more free time. Perhaps you need to take a higher load at home if you aren't planning on working full time so you can both have the same free time? Resentment can really mess up a marriage.

Remove your inheritance asap. Foolish move.
He is a nasty wild man and your relationship is absolutely toxic.

If you spend your inheritance on a shared home it becomes a marital asset.

Get that money back into your account.
He sounds abusive trying to control you and your money.
Move the money and get legal advice.

He sounds abusive trying to control you and your money.

I don’t think we can call that from the OP-theres not enough information.

If the husband is working full time and paying his wages directly into the joint account which pays for bills/house, yet the OP is refusing to pay her part time salary into the same account, wanting to keep it to herself, that could be perceived as unfair. He clearly feels it’s unfair that he works full time when she is only part time.

The being bossy over washing and stupid over ketchup smacks of general resentment and discontent. It doesn’t sound like they are happy or even like each other any more,

It’s all sounds miserable.

I do know the stress of being the main wage earner. It’s very stressful. But I have never been so shitty.

But I would be utterly pissed off if I was full time and dp was part time and he pissed off to the pub while I sorted the garden on my day off. I would ask for help, if I had to. But I also expect Dp to also know what needs doing without being told every time.

If he wanted to go to the pub, Dp would say something like ‘do you want me to help? If not I am going to the pub’.

It’s really difficult to judge from the outside. Obviously there’s your version and his version of how these things happen. But instead of working out whose fault it is, work on ending it.

He works full time, shares his wages, and worked all day on the garden

you work part time, keep your wages, and went out

i can understand why he’s resentful and if he posted he’s be told to LTB. I don’t think he’s totally wrong to be a bit grumpy here (not that insults are ok)

I'd tell him to eff off. He has absolutely no right to tell you what to do. He sounds like hard work.