Fuck off your a miserable bitch

[Cleansheetsandacuppa]

DH tells me to leave the kitchen, he needs help in the garden. Ok, I take out the washing. It’s spitting but will clear up. I don’t want the dryer on.
he tells me to take it down, it’s raining.
esrlier we’d resolved the discussion where I put too much ketchup on y plate, while he finally acknowledged he threw away too many oven chips.
i said, I don’t want to start the argument again, it’s silly and we’ve resolved it.
i hang out washing, he tells me to take it down, I say stop telling me what to do ( recurring theme)
he told me to fuck off and under his breath, ‘miserable bitch’
im furious, and hurt and so confused. What would you do?

OP hasn’t said if he puts all his wages in the joint account or not, just that he wants her to do that. Even if he does, it doesn't entitle him to moan about the amount of ketchup being used.

Did you write about him recently under another user name?. I ask only as that also referenced too much ketchup on a plate.

I would start to firm up a plan of leaving him. Becoming more assertive to him may backfire as this could then give him a further challenge with which to take you down.

What is the point of you and he being together at all?. It all sounds utterly miserable and draining. Don't remain with such a man just because of or for the sake of your 16 year old son. What is this young person learning about relationships from the two of you here?. You have a choice re your H, he does not.

ok it was implied but you’re correct let’s see if the op confirms their financial set up

id be interested in a post that said “I was working in the garden all day and dh went to the pub”

I think OP is massively in the wrong.
He works full time, OP works part time. He used one of his days off to sort the garden and OP sods off to the pub. His wage (or at least part of it) goes into the joint account......OP wants to keep hers separate.
If OP were a man she would currently be getting her arse handed to her on a plate but as it's mn the guy is automatically in the wrong.

@TootGoesTheOwl they're both wrong, inflicting this utter misery on at least one kid.

Very true, but my point still stands. So many people on here are prepared to defend OP to the death without applying any thought to the actual situation.

I think this is written really suspiciously.

where put too much ketchup on y plate, while he finally acknowledged he threw away too many oven chips

So, actually, he had a go at you about too much ketchup, but you ALSO had a go at him about too many chips, the way you use finally acknowledged, makes you seem like you're trying to call him stubborn, but also that you have been had a go at.

He could easily say "we resolved where I threw away too many chips and she finally acknowledged that she was wasting too much ketchup" and it would have the opposite effect.

Side note: it bugs me when my husband puts on loads of sauce then leaves a bunch on the plate every time. I have mentioned it before and it fell on deaf ears. Never an argument, though.

Sounds like you're both sniping at each other and both in the wrong over trivial things.

The money thing needs more info to see who is in the wrong.

A wasted life bickering with each other over petty things.

George and Mildred were happier than you.

Also, was it just your washing or the household (sorry if answered already) because I know a lot of people on MN don't like their laundry rained (or darked) on so I don't think it's unreasonable for that to be his preference for his own clothes. You didn't want to use the dryer, he didn't want rainwater on his clothes, possibly?

True. I’m completely ruthless now. I only want people in my life whose company I enjoy. Anyone toxic, spiteful, boring, manipulative, or self-centred has got to go. Don’t need them, don’t want them. Unless someone makes you feel good, what’s the point? Why bother having them in your life? I’d rather read a book or listen to music. That goes for partners, friends, family, everyone. I will make an effort with good people who are having a hard time, of course. That’s different. You can’t expect someone who is fighting cancer or going through a divorce to be good company. Other than that, life’s too short.

It sounds exhausting and petty from both of you 🙄 why are you bickering like children over such inconsequential things??

Marriage isn't supposed to be a battle, who does what when how, it's supposed to be a partnership.

I just honestly couldn't put up with the constant questioning, nagging, sniping, demanding apologies because of you know respect, battles with my spouse. On both sides. Life is too short to live with someone who you seemingly actively dislike.

Handing over the inheritance was a huge mistake OP.

Calling the laundry my laundry is weird.

I just don't understand how you get to this point

It's our children, our house, our money, our household jobs. Our marriage.

You handed over your inheritance but now wonder if you can get a haircut. Can you see the insanity of this?

But you come here for advise so my advice would be to calmly address all this, ask your husband and I use that word very objectively because legally he is your husband but in a lot of other ways he is your boss effectively, and I mean do this calmly, ask him if this is going to be it with him forever, the control of the finances, the expectations of how and when you do chores, the expectant mind-reading to know when you are out if he needs help at home. Explain you need to know for your information and see what he says.

If he says, yes I am going to remain like this until death us do part, then you have a choice to make. Live like this until one of you dies or make plans to divorce.

There is no magic bullet saying oh yes if you do/don't do this he will fall at your feet and treat you like a princess, if there was someone would be making a lot of money with that information. All you can do is look at the circumstances you are in and accept or change them.

Just by posting on here, I think you already know that that's unacceptable behaviour.

Don't get me wrong if my H tried to pick at me because of the amount of ketchup on my plate we would have a mother of all rows but it wouldn't be about the ketchup. And I wouldn't resort to counting oven chips I would have enough ammunition about the petty controlling boring skinflint wanker nonsense to leave the oven chips out of it.

This is what I mean when I don't understand how you get into a situation about ketchup v oven chips.

Laundry v drizzle
Haircuts v wages

These are details not the real issues.

what @frozendaisy said. How long has this been going on for?
What is underlying this bickering? Sounds like you both need to talk about money. Maybe he is saying he feels unappreciated in some way, and you too also feel unappreciated.

im furious, and hurt and so confused. What would you do?
What bit are you confused by? As pp have pointed out, you seem to have huge resentment for each other.
Also as per pp why are you pt and he full? Does his full wage go to the joint account?

If my dh of 30 years told me I had too much ketchup on my plate I think my first thought would be if he had been taken over by an alien.

If I had told my dh that he threw away too many chips he would assume I was joking.

Had my dh sworn at me like that, I would have been out of there faster than he could say miserable bitch.

But it’s not about the ketchup, chips or washing at all though, is it? It’s about resentment.

I’d take him at his word if I was you, @Cleansheetsandacuppa - I’d leave him and find a better life without him.

I think we are getting a very biased version of one side only of the story. I’d like very much to hear his version.

@Cooper77 Well said. It's amazing when you realise it

From your other thread, the issue is the constant switch between being a misery agd then being super nice.

Having a go at you for using too much ketchup, calling you names and then being ever so nice until he switches again.

The fact he is earning most if the money doesn’t entitle him to tell you what you can or can’t do (that’s the washing, the ketchup, having a hair cut etc….).
The fact he is resentful and/or stressed doesn’t entitle him to be grumpy, use you as an emotional punching bag or call you names.

How much you are earning is a discussion to have. It should include him stepping and taking in more of the HW when you’ll be full time too. (Well it should be half really).

But it’s a separate issue to the way he is acting and treating you.

You need to remember a (potential) reason is not an excuse.

On paper, I agree. No point answering about chips when someone goes on about ketchup.

BUT you rarely have the right Ann’s were ready and coming to yo
ur mind in the heat of the moment.

And I can see where the OP came from. If he thought she was that wasteful with the ketchup, how come that he is happily being wasteful himself with other things? Do as I say bit as Indo comes to mind there…..

You must both be leading a charmed life if this trivia is all you have to squabble about.🙄