Conflict between husband and son

[MHnursingmama]

So, I have a son from a previous marriage and a younger son, aged 5 with my current husband. In recent years there have been tensions between my older son and husband. My son, who is now 18 refuses to keep his room clean, pick up after himself in general and can be disrespectful towards my husband. There is constant arguments over the same things, with the general untidiness of my son and its really starting to get me Down. My son feels like my husband is always having a to and doesn't like him and is nitpicking over little things. I don't know what to do and I feel stuck in the middle.
For context my son doesn't smoke, take drugs and hardly drinks. He Is at college and working and has a lovely girlfriend.
Any advice? I know it might sound like q trivial issue but it's really starting to wear me down. Tia x

So your DH is actively looking for something just to have a go at your DS. He shouldn't be going in to your DS's bedroom uninvited and your DS knows as do you your DH just wants to be having a go at your DS.

Your DH is making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, who made him king Dick to try and lord it over you and your DS. You need to stand up for your DS and yourself and have input into what standards of cleanliness and compromise on it.

If this continues don't be surprised if your DS will eventually leave and cut you and your DH out of his life though I suspect your DH would be happy about that. I've seen it happen often enough including one of my nephews leaving home and having nothing to do with my sister and his stepfather in over 20 years so my sister has missed out on a relationship with her DS and grandchildren.

18 year old boys are lazy and sometimes hard work. Your husband needs to be working more on having a good relationship with him rather than moaning. I'd be telling him to back off a bit.

Ask your husband to give equal amounts of ‘good’ conversations, so more praise, general conversations asking what he’s up to etc.Your son might not then feel like the only time his stepdad speaks to him, is to moan at him.

Ask you son to try a little harder to keep his space cleaner, even if it’s one thing like taking the used cups downstairs.

xx

I’m in exactly the same situation, although my son is still a teenager. I understand