Should we remarry if no baby?

[Looloolo]

I’m with a new guy and he’s wonderful.

He has four kids and is skint.

I have three kids and I’m well off.

I don’t worry about my money with him. He’s taken the debt from both exes (never married) even though they cheated on him and pays his child maintenance voluntarily for 10+years.

He never wanted to get married or have kids, didn’t really want to settle down at all.

Then he suddenly changed his mind. I loved the idea of marriage and was on the fence re a baby but my kids wanted a baby so I was thinking maybe.

Then he retracted the baby which I was slightly offended by but agreed.

He is still hot on getting married though but I’m recoiling a bit from no baby and I’m thinking no marriage either.

Not to punish him but honestly thinking what’s the point.

All it will literally mean is that if we ever spilt he’ll get half of mine, even though I know he wouldn’t I would get zero sympathy if it did.

I wouldn’t even change my name because of my kids having a different one then.

So….. am I just cutting my nose off to spite my face over a baby that I wasn’t that bothered about anyway?

Will a marriage tie our families together somehow?

I know not much to go on but I do believe we’ll be together forever.

I would not get married if I was in your position. Why would you jeopardise everything by getting married? He has nothing to lose by marrying you he will be gaining in fact.

Can people please stop suggesting pre nups, they're usually unlikely to be legally binding in the UK.

Don't have a baby with him and don't marry him. Don't live together either.

Your children have to be your first priority (their actual wellbeing, not their unrealistic desire for a baby to play with) and there is absolutely no way their wellbeing will survive all this.

With two big post-kids breakups behind him you already know thos man doesn't do long term relationships. This is not going to last forever.

Marriage is a good idea if two people are going to be partners in building a life together where one partner is going to be taking a hit to their earning capacity in order to contribute to household and childcare - the marriage contract ties your financial futures together to make that less of a risk. If that's not the plan then it's better not to get married. Stary-eyed romanticism about true love lasting forever is nice but you don't need marriage for that. You can have a big party if you want, you can declare each other your next-of-kin for medical purposes. The only thing marriage will add is making your children's financial future less secure.

It a rag flag he didn't marry any of the mothers of his kids and wants to marry you - when conveniently it will mean he is entitled to some of your wealth.

He wants your financial support, believe him that he doesn't want to settle down he's already retracting out from planning a baby, is his living situation unstable? Sounds like he wants to use you until he's bled you dry
While blended families can work, they mustn't be rushed into. I wouldn't marry anyone until I had known them for at least 5 years and living with them first, and second time round with kids and assets involved, you must be very careful.

Just enjoy the time with him and keep the living arrangements separate - at least until his four kids reach age 21..

Oh dear god. Seven kids already. He has dropped kids on women he's left, didn't marry and is forking out all he has to keep his kids not because he's a great guy but because he has to.

He must have thought it was Christmas when you came along. So desperate to not be single that you'd risk everything to keep one.

And if you do marry he will co-own everything.

What in his previous behaviour suggests he'll stay?

Think of your children.

You have 3 children and want to have a 4th with a man that you barely know? All that you do know about him is negative, somehow - despite not wanting any - he ended up with 4 children. He has no money, supposedly because he inherited debts from his exes (although you only have his word for this), he is flaky/inconsistent about wanting another baby. You really need to wake up, don't wreck your children's lives by imposing this as a stepfather on them, bringing a stranger into their home and into their lives. To say you're not worried about your money with him, with the little that you know about him, is frankly worrying and short-sighted. Of course he still wants to marry you, he realises what he will gain from it. He will probably happily agree to a baby despite not really wanting one, if it gets him what he wants, which will make 5 children that he's produced but never wanted. Seriously OP, you need to wake up and you need to grow up. Having a baby, not because you want one but because your kids want one......beggars belief. That would be a terrible reason to buy a puppy, let alone have a baby. This mess has car crash written all over it.

Don't marry this man op. Nothing to gain from being legally and financially tied to someone you barely know. Especially someone who has the potential to screw you over financially. Also, you do not have to change your surname if you did get married to anyone, having the same surname as your children isore beneficial to you and them.

A man who doesn't want marriage and children but has got two exes and four children seems like someone who is really good at making shit decisions. Not someone I'd really consider a worthy candidate for life partner, but if you must be with him, don't marry him. There's literally nothing in it for you at all but he and his four unwanted children stand to gain 50% of everything that should be going to your children.

For goodness sake pull your head out of your arsehole and take off the rose tinted glasses.

OP …..!
This man has 4 children with different woman and you think it’s great he pays child support voluntarily! They are his kids he doesn’t have a choice!
Likewise his paying debt …..!
I really think he’s spinning you a yarn & you are falling for his verbiage

Run far and fast OP he sounds like a disaster you and your kids don’t need

im not going to lie... from the area i live and grew up in, and with the job i do, this is actually entirely possible! i'm not saying its right! cos its clearly not, but i've seen it happen time and time again.

probably lots and lots of underlying unresolved issues hampering judgement, although its interesting that the OP has not come back with any further comments