Should we remarry if no baby?

[Looloolo]

I’m with a new guy and he’s wonderful.

He has four kids and is skint.

I have three kids and I’m well off.

I don’t worry about my money with him. He’s taken the debt from both exes (never married) even though they cheated on him and pays his child maintenance voluntarily for 10+years.

He never wanted to get married or have kids, didn’t really want to settle down at all.

Then he suddenly changed his mind. I loved the idea of marriage and was on the fence re a baby but my kids wanted a baby so I was thinking maybe.

Then he retracted the baby which I was slightly offended by but agreed.

He is still hot on getting married though but I’m recoiling a bit from no baby and I’m thinking no marriage either.

Not to punish him but honestly thinking what’s the point.

All it will literally mean is that if we ever spilt he’ll get half of mine, even though I know he wouldn’t I would get zero sympathy if it did.

I wouldn’t even change my name because of my kids having a different one then.

So….. am I just cutting my nose off to spite my face over a baby that I wasn’t that bothered about anyway?

Will a marriage tie our families together somehow?

I know not much to go on but I do believe we’ll be together forever.

What is a patsy?

nope... and im sure plenty will now go off and read my thread and make their own comments.

i an unsure why you have decided to attack me, i simply said its not for us to judge but if attacking me its means you are not being nasty to anyone else.. crack on!

Aw, how romantic, he wasn't interested in marriage until he found someone well off, then, bingo!
He wants your money, not your babies. Done any childcare for his 4 on his behalf yet? Only a matter of time if not.
I think you'll find that as he wasn't married, the debts he has to pay off are of his own making. You seem to think he's some kind of wonder bloke for paying cm when that's the minimum a man should do. 4 DC's entails a large amount of not bothering with contraception, for a man who doesn't want DC's, or to settle down.
You don't need to be married if it's going to be forever anyway, pointless for you. Also, a bad decision so early in a relationship, what's his sudden rush - oh yea, money!

He doesn't sound wonderful at all. Of course he wants to get married - it's win win for him. Cocklodger in waiting. I'm guessing suggesting a baby was a way to tie you to him but now he's hoping he can marry you and not have to bother about a baby (which is sensible to be fair).

And how does someone who doesn't want children have four of them?

He voluntarily pays child maintenance! What a catch!

I dunno op... I'd want a pre-nup tbh and that's a tough ask but you've said he's in huge debt and you only have his word the ex's ran it up and cheated on him If I'm honest.

I'd just say I don't want to get married but I'm happy to get a blessing or something like that.

He suddenly changed his mind on a kid which I'm abit puzzled by if I'm honest. Like he's already thinking if we split ill have to pay for another. (He probably isn't but I'm an extreme cynic) he may just not want the work of starting again

Has he not worked out how babies are made yet?

Unless of course he's telling fibs about not wanting them.

You appear in thrall to a man who is either a liar or a bit dim.

Surely to god this has to be a fake post.

Why would you even think of marrying him? You might as well just hand over half your house and your bank card to him now, save waiting.

He's got four children. You have three. You say your children want another baby. Really? You would let them decide this?

But anyway - I just can't see this is a genuine post.

Btw, those recommending a prenup... they're not really with the paper they're written on when it comes down to it.

, no way would i be getting married and entitling some other person to half of my shit when i have 3 kids!!! especially as your the one with the assets/money

I wouldn't get married. It's too tricky with all the DC involved and the financial disparity. He might not take your money for himself but what if you split and his DC needed some? Maybe he took on the debt from his previous relationships so that the DC could have a better life? If you'd been together 10 years + then split, he might convince himself he was entitled to a settlement even if he hadn't earned any of the money involved. I'd just have a looooong engagement.

He has four kids and is skint. I have three kids and I’m well off.

No.

Please, do not marry this man. Such a poor financial decision at the expense of your own children. Madness.

Bloody hell, are you feeling alright? You have three kids. That’s plenty for a start. And he has four! On top of this you wanted another baby because … your kids wanted one?? A hamster probably would have had the same effect.

Of course you shouldn’t marry him. What on earth are you thinking? Put your kids first over some bloke you hardly know. It’s really not that difficult.

You would be insane to marry him. Absolutely not.

Yeah, my first thought is it's notable that he changes his mind about kids when he meets a comfortably off woman - do you own your own home as well?

I'm not going to say LTB, but I would say do not marry him and do not even move in together for a good long while. I have two say four kids by two different women would be red-flaggy for me, not someone who takes care with his life or of the women and kids in it. I'd tell him his history means I'm not going to marry him any time soon and he'll need a good few years to prove things will be any different than it was with the mothers of his kids. If he doesn't like that, and isn't prepared to hold off and prove he's a keeper, then he's not a keeper.

NO!!!!

Why are you even thinking about marriage and children when you’ve been seeing him for what amounts to a few days in the grand scheme? Do you always behave impulsively? I mean this kindly, but if you were my friend/sister I’d try and persuade you to make a doctor’s appointment as you’re not coming across as very rational.

Stay together.
Don't get married.

A mug. A sucker. A mark.

Don't have a baby because your children want one.

In your shoes I wouldn't marry this guy, but if you really think he's a good one then stay in the relationship. A skint dad of 4 does not sound like a good catch to me, OP. What is it about him that makes him husband material (or did make him potential father material)?

This. You’ve know this bloke since Easter and you’re considering handing him your children’s inheritance?

I’ll take you out for a couple of drinks, you can make your money over to me instead.

Marrage is a contract don't do it.
Have a party, get a blessing don't do the paperwork