Unsurprisingly I'm a name changer, but a regular.
I've been with my husband for 10 years. In the beginning we were the best of friends, did everything together and I could talk to him about anything. I was always the more dominant in the relationship and people always noticed how he'd do anything I asked him to. We'd just laugh about it and say it was just how we worked.
As the years passed I have steadily gotten worse. I used to ask him to do things, now I tell him to and scream at him if he doesn't or if he does and it's not to my standard (which it never is). When I read about husbands demanding their dinner is on the table, or whatever, I'm full of righteous anger for the poor wife - but I do this to my dh. He can't do anything right in my eyes, he does more than his fair share of housework, is fantastic with the kids, works full time (I only work part time and look after our young children during the day). He takes over most of the childcare in the evenings and the cooking (not always but more than is fair).
I am the most ungrateful, vile, horrible wife. I have almost struck out at him in anger (but haven't).
I call him names, tell him he is useless and pathetic for any tiny mistake. I resent the fact that he doesn't look after himself (never gets a haircut, dresses badly, shaves when he feels like it) because it stops me being attracted to him, and I feel he doesn't care if I am or not. He always tells me I'm beautiful, I tell him he's a scruff. He often initiates kissing, cuddles, sex, I always turn him down. I push him away. I have told him that his not looking after himself upsets me, and he promises to do something about it, but doesn't. He's quite scatty in general and this was one of the things I used to love about him, but now I just find it so irritating.
I am so angry at him all the time and I don't know why or how to change it. We have been through a lot in the past few years with MCs and subfertility (mine) and this has brought us both down, but this has been going on for longer than that.
I am an abuser. He is a kind, devoted and loving man and I do not deserve him at all. How can I change? Please help me. I don't want to be so angry all the time.