Does he carry your bags?

[may2724]

Observing couples out and about, I see men carrying bags for their partners and I see men hands free while their partners are carrying heavy bags, backpacks etc

What is the dynamic in your relationship?

Does it start when the couple have babies together?

Or is it just something some men are trained to do?

Tbh, I don't like it when a man assumes I can't carry something because I'm a woman. My partner will often take the biggest/heaviest bags because he's taller than me and I can lift them but then have to make sure they don't drag on the floor too so it makes sense.

If I want/need help with something, I'll ask. But I actually find it really patronising when men struggle with everything because they can't let a woman do it or 'find something' light for you to carry so you can help. Like a child.

It's a bit of a red flag I've found.

Equally, men who refuse to carry anything/assist even when you've asked because, "I thought you were a feminist." And I see you're just an arsehole with a fragile ego.

Also a red flag.

Can’t believe anyone wrote I carry my own hand bag, like folks get their husbands to carry their handbags and that’s a thing that needs clarifying😂

why does your husband carry every inc your kids coats, are they very young, are you possibly not able to carry stuff?

Do you need these things, are you unable to clothe yourself or climb?

We tend to share and swap over but if it’s actually a burden to carry DH will generally do the harder part of it - the heavier bag/uphill bit/longer time/etc. as he is significantly stronger than me.

Sometimes I'd carry them so they could go in front with their school friends or go on their scooters.

My OH says men don't carry the messages! so I usually carried the bags unless I asked him to help. But he was very good in other ways!

Bag full of kids crap at the zoo, we took it in turns to carry the back pack, just like we took it in turns to do loo runs and looking after the kids. I'd carry if I was alone so why wouldn't we share?

Food shopping etc, it varies buthed always have it if it was too heavy for me / I had the kids

We usually share out anything to be carried. He will take heavier items and take a bag off me if I'm struggling with the weight. (In this case, I usually take it back after a short break).

Why don't men carry the messages? Do their penises wither and fall off if they do, it's so emasculating?

This.

I assumed most couples take it in turns and just share the load equally between them

Men are physically stronger than women so nothing wrong with them.carrying the heavy stuff!!

My DH is the Rucksack Guy, but I normally carry my own bags. My arms work absolutely fine

Yes, and DS and DD as well. And when I get home they run out and help me with my bags from the car. They are all massive and I am very small - they say. It makes me feel very loved :)

Ex dp was always the bag carrier. Would walk outside on the pavements, catch the spiders, protect me (or any woman) from drunk or aggressive men. He's also a narcissistic twat that barely sees his kids and doesn't pay child maintenance. I won't be fooled by the fake chivalry again!

If we’re out for the day, we’ll generally have a daypack between us, and share carrying it.

Shopping, on the rare occasions, we go together, he’ll carry more than me.

if we’re multi-day walking, or travelling - which for us is almost always backpacking - for any length of time, obviously we carry our own gear but will distribute shared equipment between us so he ends up with more weight than me.

recently, I’ve been injured, so we’ve taken one backpack between us and he’s carried it as I can’t, while I carry a light daypack.

Not very sunny, are you?

As a reasonably healthy adult woman I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own bag

I'm a lesbian and my (very butch) girlfriend hates for me to carry anything!

Yes my ex was exactly like that, always so chivalrous, there to 'protect' the females and pretend to be their boyfriend if they were getting hit on.

At home he was an abusive twat who thought nothing of hitting his partner.

I hate DH taking something from me that I am perfectly capable of carrying myself. If I need help I ask but I don't like the assumption that I can't do anything.

I'm afraid that, when men describe themselves as chivalrous, it's another red flag to me.

it's origins might not have been sexist but it has become so.

My Grandad used to always carry my Grandmothers bag and honestly it was heart warming, I don't know why truth be known it was just gentlemanly I always wanted that and my husband always carries my shopping bags (I end up with his keys, wallet, phones etc in my handbag!) he always loves to push the pushchair too tells me it makes shopping more tolerable.

On a dating profile etc. it would definitely put me off if someone described themself as a real old-fashioned gentleman or anything along those lines. I also find performative chivalry suspicious.

Where the person offering the help is actually taller, stronger, less susceptible to the cold, more sure-footed or whatever, and helps without a huge fanfare, then it makes sense. My partner can open jars that I can't open. If he's right next to me, and the jar-opening thingy is in the next room, why would he not offer to open the jar rather than silently watch me go in the other room and fetch the jar opener? I help him do things he can't do, e.g. read small writing. It's give and take.

My husband carries pretty much everything. And takes my handbag if not much on him or we are going far. (I have a very non frilly handbag coz that’s what I like).

No. And if we do it's for stuff for him because he needs my advice and opinion. I think we went to the supermarket together about 30 years ago. Never again!

At airports he carries, or more likely pulls and lifts, the heavy bag. On holiday, he tends to carry the rucksack if we have one and I carry my handbag.

He'll lift the heavy bags into the car (instructed by me because his spatial awareness is zero) and lift them out at the other end.