Feeling sad about being told I'm "punching"

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife22]

I (f 38) saw an acquaintance at a school event today. I took my partner (m 31) with me.

When my partner went to the bathroom, the acquaintance (male, 40ish) said to me "New boyfriend? ... Well done... I think you're punching to be fair"

I just felt a bit taken aback. My partner IS good looking, but to be told so blatantly that I'm not worthy or good looking enough for him stings.

I think men get told they are 'punching' all the time and I don't like to hear that. It's seems unnecessarily cruel.

I just feel flat and a bit sad and ugly 😔

Hi OP,
i can understand why you would have taken offence at this but really this comment is just the kind that men make to each other all the time, to make a backhanded compliment to say that they’ve done well in scoring their partner.

Mate ! Your acquaintance felt threatened by your relationship and wanted to bring you down a peg or two.

or he had fancied you himself.

deffo says more about him than it does about you !

I think the person who said this to you knew it would put you down and make you feel bad. Therefore, this is the likely motivation of their remark. I doubt their motivation was to share truth(!)

Therefore, I would view this remark as giving you information about the acquaintance or your relationship to them*, not as a truthful indicator of the relative merits of yourself Vs boyfriend!

Having had something stated to you always has an intention based in your reaction, it's very different than accidentally overhearing.

*I can't tell you exactly what that is not knowing them but for example they might be the kind of person who is upset by or jealous of your happiness and gets a kick out of deflating you

Punching meaning "punching above your weight"?

Isn't he meaning you're dating someone quite a bit younger that is very attractive? Which you have said you are, OP. That doesn't mean you're sad and ugly.

For the sort of people who measure worth by someone's partner's age and attractiveness - definitely a matrix some men of my acquaintance use - it looks like you're scoring high in having an good looking boyfriend some years younger. I'm sure he says the same to male friends with younger girlfriends.

It's a very shallow way of seeing things, and probably meant as a congratulations rather than a condemnation.

I couldn't agree with this more. Easier to tear someone down than be happy for them

What probably happened is he noticed the age gap, not your attractiveness. Then said the first thing that came to mind.

It is quite rude to have no filter like that. Same people who go 'you're so short/tall/skinny/big' and people want to avoid because they make you feel uncomfortable

Don’t let it affect your confidence, this guy sounds like a complete berk!

it’s a ridiculously immature comment and people generally say that just to provoke a reaction or cause contention not for any other reason.

Don’t sweat it.

It is very rude to say it to a member of the opposite sex. Pally people of the same sex might share that kind of self-deprecating humour, but it is really off, ungentlemanly and uncouth for him to say it to a female friend. Twat.

I bet the dickhead who said this is very jealous of the guy you're with.

Be proud of your "punching " guy OP.

He's jealous of both of you and wishes he was dating someone good looking and younger than him and so the only thing to make himself feel a bit better about it is to tell you and try to make you feel bad about it.

That is really rude, I'm surprised you didn't tell him to fuck off.

I agree with others. He probably rather fancied you and feels in some way spurned now so is offloading his discontent and murky twinges of inadequacy onto you.

He’s negging you - trying to bring you down a peg or two - damage your self esteem - because he’s either jealous or he fancies you himself. Or he’s gay and fancies your partner. Pay him no attention. He’s a prick.

What a twat.

I remember laughing when loads of Dh's work colleagues said that to him when they first met me, but it's rubbish, Dh is so bright, so quick witted, such a diamond.

Thanks all.

To be fair I expected lots of responses telling me not to be so sensitive, so it's been pretty reassuring and validating to hear others agree that it was rude and unnecessary.

I just can't understand why some people feel the need to vocalise any thought they may have without considering how the other person may receive it. It demonstrates a huge lack of consideration.

Anyway .. thank you for convincing me it's wasnt said because I'm an ugly troll 🙂

Oh there are some wallies around.

Perhaps he meant approval of your choice of partner.

I was introduced to someone who my husband had been on a course with and she introduced herself to me and said in front of my husband really gushingly wow you’re gorgeous you’re definitely punching there Mr katerinaSofia ! 😱😱😱

It is SO obvious that he thinks you're attractive and is the kind of sad pathetic laughable twat who had to neg you when you're literally already there with someone else. Maybe he thought this would be the way to get you to say, "Oh my, I feel so bad about myself now that I'd even sleep with you! Take me home right now!"

What a wally. Put the shithead out of your mind.

He was trying to put you down. Don't let him!! Friends might tease each other but an acquaintance trying to neg you is out of order.

I would blank him in future.

i tell my husband he's punching all the time :). its just a fun thing for us

Would he notice a 7 year age gap if two people in their 30s though?

'Fuck you asshole. Just because you couldn't get your hole in a barrel of fannies'. Then never speak to him again.

Another turd practising the art of negging.

F

It is very rude to say it to a member of the opposite sex

This may be sexist, but I’d say it’s a rude thing for a man to say to a woman. Not so much the other way round; men tend to take it as a compliment that people think his wife/girlfiend is more attractive/more attractive than they expected. Women not so much. One of my friends has a good looking, younger husband. She knows this. I was laughing with her after my wedding as I’d had a conversation with my aunt which went like this:

Aunt: Which one was your friend Penny?
Me: The lady with the very handsome younger husband.
Aunt: Oh yes! I met them. Lovely couple.

That’s fine. But to say “Penny, you’re punching above your weight” would be very offensive. Whereas a man in the same situation would probably see it as a compliment. So I think - to go back to the OP - that while you understandably took it as a bit of an insult, your friend probably meant it as a compliment.