Feeling sad about being told I'm "punching"

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife22]

I (f 38) saw an acquaintance at a school event today. I took my partner (m 31) with me.

When my partner went to the bathroom, the acquaintance (male, 40ish) said to me "New boyfriend? ... Well done... I think you're punching to be fair"

I just felt a bit taken aback. My partner IS good looking, but to be told so blatantly that I'm not worthy or good looking enough for him stings.

I think men get told they are 'punching' all the time and I don't like to hear that. It's seems unnecessarily cruel.

I just feel flat and a bit sad and ugly 😔

😂😂

Yep, the only person who has ever said this to me (about my now DH) was a man...funny that.

Exactly.

I don't think 7 years would be considered a gap if the genders were reversed.

All this ☝️

or he had fancied you himself.

I wondered the same thing. It's classic negging.

He's jealous he can't get a good looking 31 year old.

What a disgusting, nasty thing to say to a woman. I know that men do this with each other occasionally, but no, I don't think it's the same when it's a man saying it to a woman.

He's trying to bring you down for some reason. I assume it's because he felt quite angry when he saw your partner. Maybe he's angry at all women, or jealous that you're with someone else so he lashed out at you and made you feel shit about yourself. Speaks volumes about him.

If you see him again, just sigh and whisper 'I know, and the sex is AMAZING' and walk off.

If you can't walk off quickly enough, expect for this to make even even more angry and for him to say something else really nasty, which will only further show what a horrible man he is.

I'd just take it as yet another dickhead male taking the opportunity to put a female down. It's an unfortunate habit that a lot of men can't seem to help.
In short, ignore the fuckwit, his opinion is irrelevant anyway.

As others have already commented, this was a rude and insensitive comment. I suspect it is because this acquaintance who is older would have expected you to be with someone in their 40s ie around his age (men’s wishful thinking). And was very clearly jealous! I would lose them as an acquaintance to be honest.

This thread is full of responses which are delusional.

He doesn't fancy you. He wasn't trying to take you down a peg. Men don't work like that, they aren't that complicated and he hadn't thought about it that much. He meant it as a compliment, because having an attractive partner is seen as doing well for yourself.

Why do you let your sense of self worth be dictated to be a knob head?

Good Lord, they're everywhere. There have literally been books written on how to neg and entire Internet subcultures dedicated to it and this person is telling us we're mad and it's not a thing.

Men say this too each other all the time, I think because we care less about our self image, it's treated more as a compliment than an insult.

So when your male friend said that to you, it wasn't a judgement on your own looks at all, but a compliment that meant "Well done, you've found a really good looking bloke"

Well you obviously haven't read any of them because this isn't what negging is.

My answer would have been, I think you're a rude arrogant twat but fair play, whatever floats your boat.

Urgh. I'd ditch the acquaintance, he sounds like a child.

"New boyfriend? ... Well done... I think you're punching to be fair"

Agree with the other two above - he actually thinks this is a compliment as between men it would be. That you are acquaintances not close mates means this "banter" <shudder> has misfired. I'd give it no further thought.

Incredible!!

Its NOT the same as what OP is saying!! Did you even bother to read the OP??

That's cruel and will chip away at him.

Nasty "banter"

Sounds like he either fancies you or he's gay. He rated your new partners appearance which is most odd.

That’s out of line, it’s one thing for him to think it, but deeply offensive for him to actually tell you.

This is a perfect opportunity to pull out the head tilt and ask calmly, "what do you mean by that?"

This is the best way to deal with people like this. Make them actually say the words, or when they inevitably say "FFS it was just a joke", you act with total naivety, tell them you don't get it and ask them to explain why it's funny. They won't be able to, because "oh I meant that your bf is better looking than you" is a nasty thing to say and it's not funny or witty whatsoever. It's purely designed to shake your confidence.

Well it literally is, but for whatever mystical reason, it suits you to have us believe that. Doesn't make it so.

You can't just decide any comment any man makes that to don't like is negging. It undermines the term for an actual behaviour and turns it into no more than the juvenile 'hes only like that because he fancies you' shit that girls were told in school. Which wasn't true then either.

If a man actually insults a woman it can be for number of reasons, only one of which is negging. If a man calls a woman ugly, even in a round about way there's a good chance he may just think she's ugly.

In this situation he was not implying anything about op, but was in fact saying things in the belief he was making a compliment eg 'you have done very well for yourself there'. Almost all men place a lot of value in a partner's attractiveness. It is a fact and it is as old as time. So it was in no way negging, as he meant it as a positive.

I can't explain the intricacy in any simpler terms so if it is still lost on you then there's not much I can do.