Why don’t woman like me

[Chattysusan]

Ok I’m having a little cry here. A mum reached out to me via text about an activity one of my children does about their child wanting to join. I gave all the details and offered for them to message if they had any question etc. I turn up to the activity a couple weeks later and said lady is there with a friend who also knows me. I walk over big smile say hi, ask some random questions as you do and they basically were polite enough then turned there back a little and had there own conversation. I felt like the biggest idiot standing there. I asked my husband what I did wrong and he said nothing. All we came up with is maybe due to me being so anxious with this happening to me all the time that I actually over compensate for my anxiety and appear very confident and maybe this turns people off. We couldn’t come up with anything else. I’m a nice enough person. Smile etc just woman run the other way from me all the time and I’m so over it and am giving up on having any solid female friendships as an adult.

It’s hard to extrapolate ‘why women don’t like you’ from one interaction OP.

Maybe they were in the middle of a conversation when you approached?

It's not necessarily about not liking you. Some groups are just cliquish and not open to the idea of new members. They are self absorbed.

Or you could be overly keen and too full on and that's not giving a good impression.

Who knows? There are a million different possible explanations here. Many of which have nothing to do with you being somehow flawed; they are 'just life'.

Is it just women or does this ever happen with men?

She just wanted information from you. She didn't want to be your friend. Some people are like this. She could have acknowledged you and said 2Thanks for that" but some people are like that.

Unless everyone does this to you I doubt it is personal.

Possible I guess, but they did turn to exclude.

Always woman, it’s like a have a sign on my head

Yes agreed, a thanks would have been polite. I wasn’t expecting a friend out of it, but was more thrown by yet another cold shoulder.

Surely you don't like everyone you meet or expect to be friends with everyone? I do find on posts like these (and there are so, so many - I've been on Mumsnet for years) the OP can come across as very needy and demanding; just because you've passed on some information doesn't mean you need to be 'besties'. Of course a polite acknowledgment is nice but you are really reading far too much in to it and to say that "everyone woman you meet doesn't like you" is totally extreme.

Perhaps you do come across as over keen or pushy ... if you want to make friends concentrate on a hobby or interest ... you will meet like minded people, some may become friends ... some remain acquaintances... but at least you will be using your time doing something you enjoy rather than worrying about whether people like you or not.

But you don’t know what their conversation was- people have problems you won’t know about unless you know them really well, for all you know they were in the middle of/ had just finished a conversation that their child had problems or something had happened. It’s they could be related/ best friends since school etc etc. I honestly think the biggest difference between men and women is that women assume they’ve done something wrong/ there’s something wrong with them. I stand at the school gates and I’m generally worrying (about eg my mum, my brother, the kids, our escape artist dog/ mother in law and her various operations) planning my day etc.

People probably think I’m antisocial or not friendly but I’m just too busy/ tired/ worried/ all of the above. So I’ll smile and say hi to people and do the weather thing but that’s literally all I have in me unless I need to discuss one of my children with someone (eg child has asked can they go to someone’s house/ child took home someone’s coat etc etc). Try honestly not to overthink it all

Such rude behaviour. Totally lack of awareness!

I prefer men. For all their faults, they make better friends, but I find the issue is; it’s difficult to maintain these friendships eg a girlfriend appears. Interestingly my male friends mostly say ‘they prefer female company’.

I have a group of female friends that I’ve cobbled together over the last couple of decades and we all say we prefer men.

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this… when I was given the cold shoulder at my son’s school by one mum (she must’ve imagined something because no way I’d done anything wrong) there was a level of discomfort for 3yrs. When the son left it was a huge weight off me!

I understand where you're coming from op. I have found life similar.

Looking back to when I was younger, all of my female "friends" where actually quite nasty towards me. There was so much bitching, gossip, cattery and putting others down to make them appear superior. I was pretty nieve back then and it took me a while to realise this. I wanted to see the good in people and this meant I was often taken advantage of.

I have managed to find a few like minded friends now that I'm older and more confident and I'm content with quality over quantity.

I do find that woman can be our own worst enemies though. My husband often says if women spent as much time building eachother up, as they did tearing eachother down, we would rule the world.

Yes I totally hear this, this is just one example stuff like this happens to me all the time. Plenty of people I don’t like but I always try to be polite regardless.

Another lady came over shortly after and they all chatted. I didn’t interrupt them and I do know they are not family I have known both of them for a number of years through kids, they just could of been polite, that’s all.

I would be friends with men any day but like you said wives and girlfriends don’t like that. I always get along really well with my husbands friends.

I am sorry op. I think that was very unfriendly of them. Not very nice people at all.
Unfortunately there are some unkind people out there, and by some of the replies above, it is clear that people lack empathy about how someone might feel if not included.

I would recommend that you go to some CBT sessions (helps you re wire your negative thoughts) and also look into stoic philosophy (Epictetus) which more or less says we cannot control what others think of us but we can choose how we react to it, we have control over our thoughts.

the stoic philosophy has really helped me, I recommend you google it (lots by Ryan Holiday)

I don't know. I think it's rude to turn your back and exclude someone especially someone who provide you with the information to join the group in the first place. It's happened to me before. I shared info about a library baby group. 2 people turned up and totally ignored me like I didn't exist. They talked all the way through the story time and we're generally obnoxious.

Honestly, I don't know why women aren't a fan of you @Chattysusan are you over sharing or being to familiar?

Was there a bit of an awkward silence before they turned away, just wondering if maybe your conversation had expired itself and they didn’t know what else to do and if that is what is happening with other people.
Still think it’s rude to turn away and then not to close the conversation politely though.

Yes this 100% I feel this exactly. I do have a couple really good mates but they don’t live nearby so don’t see each other often. I would just love one or 2 mates to go out for a drink or a walk or shopping with

Thankyou I’ll check it out. Doesn’t normally get to me but today it really has

Definitely not over sharing as I’m quite private. I don’t know maybe I just give off bad vibes

They just turned and continued talking to each other. It’s probably more feeling embarassed then oh no they don’t like me

I doubt that. Maybe they don't want to make new friends.

You've chosen the username of Chatty Susan. If that is because you are chatty that may be your answer.

I have a very lovely colleague at work but she does not get the cues when you want to end a conversation. Even when I say 'right, I need to get on with my work now' she still has more to say. So I try not to catch her eye and try to escape before she fully engages.

The woman in question texted you, she didn't phone. Perhaps, like me, she doesn't want to have to be chatty.

Bluntly, if it’s ‘always’ happening to you, then you’re the common denominator here, OP. ‘Women’ aren’t some Borg-style hive mind, they haven’t collectively decided you’re awful and passed the message around. It’s hard to know without more context if they were being rude or not in this situation, or whether you were visibly expecting too much because you’d given the other mother information about the activity. You say they were ‘polite enough’ when you approached them, before later turning back to their own conversation, so perhaps just a mismatch of expectations?