Why don’t woman like me

[Chattysusan]

Ok I’m having a little cry here. A mum reached out to me via text about an activity one of my children does about their child wanting to join. I gave all the details and offered for them to message if they had any question etc. I turn up to the activity a couple weeks later and said lady is there with a friend who also knows me. I walk over big smile say hi, ask some random questions as you do and they basically were polite enough then turned there back a little and had there own conversation. I felt like the biggest idiot standing there. I asked my husband what I did wrong and he said nothing. All we came up with is maybe due to me being so anxious with this happening to me all the time that I actually over compensate for my anxiety and appear very confident and maybe this turns people off. We couldn’t come up with anything else. I’m a nice enough person. Smile etc just woman run the other way from me all the time and I’m so over it and am giving up on having any solid female friendships as an adult.

I think she was rude to you. A polite response would have been to say to you “Hi @Chattysusan can I introduce you to my friend. Friend Chatty Susan was the one who told me about this children’s activity “
Then in normal circumstances a conversation would ensue. It might not lead to friendship but it would be an enjoyable and polite social
interaction.
but unfortunately a lot of people are not like that

Sounds like a pair of cliquey bitches to me. Sod 'em.

This sort of thing has happened to me a few times, solidarity OP. In my case I know why it’s happening, I have ADHD and I know for a fact that when I’m meeting/ hanging out with new people and get a bit nervous, I end up overcompensating, talking too much and coming across as self absorbed. I try not doing but it can be very hard.

It’s not an always 100% thing but far more common to be snubbed then not. I had girlfriends in school. And a couple I’ve met at different things over the years but as I said earlier distance stops is getting to hang out so I’m missing that side of friendship

I wouldn’t find it rude if they continued talking about whatever it was it’s the back turn that made my jaw hit the ground

I was chatting to a friend in the park after school recently. A dad we both know briefly came over to say hello. We exchanged pleasantries then went back to our conversation. On another day I might have a full conversation with him. I don’t feel we were rude to him at all.

I’ve never had it happen by men so yes it does seem to be a woman thing…for me anyway

I had something similar, I just don’t bother volunteering anything anymore. If they want to know they know how to use google. Tbh if people are that ignorant/badly mannered then they aren’t of any value to me.

Yup I always do this, the benefit is I’ve gathered a few really nice people at clubs with a welcoming attitude who now happily chat to each other as well, not just me.

But having been on the receiving end of the blanking I think I kind of knew beforehand who would behave like that and am now resolved to not share much with them. That sounds petty but it affects me negatively so meh.

Thankyou everyone for all your responses. For those who asked why would you get upset over something like this. It’s the build up it’s not this one event that hurts it’s that as much as you try to be a good person others continue to look down at you, shun you etc. I completely recognise I need to not take it to heart, some days you just do and it’s hard. To those that understood, most because you’ve felt it yourself I’m sorry. Adulting can suck.

I understand you OP. Very similar for me too, and I was recently diagnosed as autistic. I always make an effort to be polite and friendly, it's the right thing to do, but at the end of the day I think I must just be missing some social cues and that in turn makes socialising with me difficult/make me seem offputting/aloof. I couldn't possibly say what it is i'm doing wrong (if I knew I would fix it) but I'm the common denominator and have always had to work very hard to learn social rules. I'm lucky to have some amazing friends (who are also diagnosed as autistic!) but it can be really tough to feel that something about you is just 'wrong'. I just keep on being friendly + kind and hope that I'll pick up these elusive social skills if I keep at it :)

Its hard making friends as an adult. Kids make friends so easily. I think it's because they don't judge each other. They don't see other people as different from them.

This has happened to me so many times! Used to bother me but now I conclude it is due to their own lack of social skills.

Sometimes I am the one chatting when a third person appears and I notice it is me making the effort to include the third person, which is a bit of a skill. I very tiny skill but still one that many people seem to completely lack unfortunately

@Autumcolors you know, maybe they're shy. Sometimes when I'm trying to introduce people to each other I get total social anxiety and blank on people's names.

Sometimes it's jealousy, snobbery or discrimination. When my DC started school in an area where many parents grew up and knew everyone already and they were so insular. If one mum was friendly to me her other mum mates gave her daggers as if to scold her. Then the mums from certain social, economic and national backgrounds stuck together. Basically something about you is making women prejudiced about you and it's not necessarily your fault. It might be something you could and would like to change to fit in or maybe it's something you can't or don't want to change. Keep trying with different mums and maybe look out for the quieter ones or 'loners' who might also be on the margins of school mums.