Why don’t woman like me

[Chattysusan]

Ok I’m having a little cry here. A mum reached out to me via text about an activity one of my children does about their child wanting to join. I gave all the details and offered for them to message if they had any question etc. I turn up to the activity a couple weeks later and said lady is there with a friend who also knows me. I walk over big smile say hi, ask some random questions as you do and they basically were polite enough then turned there back a little and had there own conversation. I felt like the biggest idiot standing there. I asked my husband what I did wrong and he said nothing. All we came up with is maybe due to me being so anxious with this happening to me all the time that I actually over compensate for my anxiety and appear very confident and maybe this turns people off. We couldn’t come up with anything else. I’m a nice enough person. Smile etc just woman run the other way from me all the time and I’m so over it and am giving up on having any solid female friendships as an adult.

Hahah no the day I chose this name I called one of my children a chatty Cathy so just rolled with it, my name isn’t Susan either 😂

Mmmmm ok I was not raised to turn my back on people and exclude them. Maybe my expectations don’t align with people these days

They don't know you enough to dislike you, plus you've never done anything wrong. Some people don't want to make new friends, or they take a while to warm to it. If they were just rude, then ignore it. Speak to some of the others in the group instead. Not everyone is like that, loads of people are really open and friendly. It's nothing personal against you.

It's definitely a 'them' problem rather than a ' you' issue. Groups of women are hard work imo - the level of judgement, cattiness, gossip, backstabbing and power dynamics at play are difficult to navigate if your face doesn't fit. It's an unpopular opinion, but men are far easier to befriend.

This happens to me all the time OP. I was diagnosed autistic as an adult and it's explained a lot for me. I've got one friend now and I'm fairly sure she would also get diagnosed autistic if she were assessed. It's shit how people are so cruel to those they feel are a bit different

The person didn't ask to be mates, she asked you for information. You gave it, job done.

^^ This

And you don't think it might just be that women don't want to befriend someone who thinks they're judgemental, catty, backstabbing gossips? Even though they're a woman too, only, of course, 'not like the other girls'?

I've not been diagnosed but I'm sure I am autistic.
My experience is the same as yours and OP.
It's very lonely at times but as I've got older I'm more accepting of who I am and try and enjoy my life the best I can as an outsider.

It would be nice if things were really that simple. Unfortunately, you drop the rose tinted spectacles after a certain age and accept that if you're in some way ' different ' ( neurodiversity/ disability/child free status/unmarried....) Groups of women will often ' other ' you and you may well be the recipient of some of the behaviours I mentioned. Not in every case, obviously, but we can only talk from our own experience.

This.

Sounds like you just regularly encounter rude and childish women, I have found there are many of them!

My friendship group now only consist of women who don't behave like this. I can't stand rudeness, even if they were in the middle of a conversation, it would take very little effort to be kind and respond to you and not make you feel 'less than'.

My advice is to not get hung up on these interactions, the likelihood is these are not your type of people in the first place if you are left feeling this way.

Same on all counts. OP, ignore the victim blaming on this thread. A lot of women (not all, of course, but a great many) like to play Alpha Dog and play games with each other. I learned that in middle school and I have never played along, hence most of my friends being male. I do treasure the few women friends I have, and would do anything for them, but they are few and far between.

Another lady came over shortly after and they all chatted. I didn’t interrupt them and I do know they are not family I have known both of them for a number of years through kids, they just could of been polite, that’s all.
But it could be they’re trying to figure out something they have in common or the like. They could have been polite and it’s a pity they weren’t as they upset you, but I’ve been so in need to talk about something I’ve possibly blanked someone, or so much in my own stuff. All I’m saying is we all have good and bad days, I’ve probably people at the school gates that say I’m the biggest b ever and others that say I’m so friendly/ helpful. You might just be unlucky but sorry it’s getting you down x

They were rude, as most people are these days.
I am always polite to people and make an effort to be nice or say hello, but some women are catty and either blank you or pretend you don't exist.
She was asking about it which gives the impression she was interested in meeting up.. Bit mean to then ignore you after she used you for information.
Noticed this a lot on the school run, I only say hello now but don't go the extra mile, if people aren't interested in talking.

As another poster has said though, if this is always happening and has always happened then you have to look at the common denominator which in this case is the OP. Not all women are awful. Many women are fantastic. If everyone is doing this and have always done this as far back as school then I think the OP is right to question why incase she is unwittingly radiating something.

She asked about the children’s activity the OP’s child does because her child was interested in doing it, not because she had any interest in befriending the OP. Assuming she thanked the OP for the information, and was polite when the OP approached her, before returning to her conversation, I don’t think she’s done anything much wrong.

The OP approaching all smiles and full of questions suggests that she’d thought a texted request for information meant they were now on a different footing, and was hurt when the other parent didn’t share that view.

Life really shouldn't be this difficult. Posters are wrapping themselves in knots to try and explain away rude behaviour, when in reality there is no excuse. The OP isn't asking to be ' bff ' s forever, just for a little thoughtfulness towards her when doing a small favour. How difficult is it to acknowledge someone or try and include them in a conversation? I don't think some posters recognise how bloody hurtful it is to be shunned or ignored and how damaging that can be to someone with perhaps low self esteem. Yes, not everyone is up for making new friends, fine no problem, but to stand and turn your back to someone - whenever is that ok?

If the OP says it’s ‘always’ happening to her, then either she’s been spectacularly unlucky with every single woman she’s met since her schooldays, or it’s something she’s doing, possibly unconsciously, in her approaches to other people.

Or alternatively, people are just rude and the OP hasn't actually DONE anything wrong in any of her interactions. My advice OP, is to work on your resilience and try to get to the place where it sits comfortably to be disliked.

It's very hard when you are in a public place, enjoying a conversation with one person and someone else wanders up and expects to be included ... this seems to happen to me a lot ... obviously I would always say hello and, if appropriate introduce the 'third person' into the conversation but often I am deliberately talking to the first person, maybe about something totally irrelevant to the 'new' person ... and then what do I do, I am either rude to the first person or to the second person and end up annoyed as I haven't finished the initial conversation.

There's no easy answer but if I see two people chatting I am very careful about whether or not I encroach on their conversation ... easier to wait and see if someone says 'come and join us'.

Took me decades to realise this too. I feel similar OP. I eventually met some much nicer women though, eventually you will too.
Women can be very odd.

They were having a conversation. You spoke to them, they were polite then returned to their conversation. Why you would be taking it personally, or crying, is beyond me to be honest, and I say that as a fairly socially awkward person myself. This isn't a women thing, do you think if they were men they would have included you in the conversation, or asked you to join them? I doubt it.

Agree with this.

@Chattysusan I disagree that your expectations do not align with people these days. There are some people who will actively include you in conversations, even if they don't know you, even if they are chatting with someone they do know well, even if you seem anxious, even if you have an unusual quirk (not suggesting you do). However these are people who are empathetic, who can put themselves in another's shoes, who are self-assured and are not easily intimidated or threatened by another woman who may appear confident, etc.

You just need to keep looking for those women. They do exist!

On the point about you not having these issues with men, the first conclusion I'd jump to is that you are viewed by other women as being attractive to men. That could be physical appearance but it could also be other personality traits too. Might it be that?