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Original poster

Stag do

66 replies

Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:05

Husband of 2 years recently went on a stag do.
He's told me there was a rumour of him cheating. Sounds like it was just banter. But he went along with it joking about it.
He's adamant nothing happened and went along with the joke because he was drunk and trying to fit in and wishes he responded differently.

I'm feeling really hurt and feeling like he has no respect for myself, himself or the marriage.

Would you feel disrespected by this or is it just "stag do banter" ?

OP posts:
Hoosemover · 05/06/2024 21:23

I would thinking that there’s no smoke without fire. Is trying to get ahead of the game?

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/06/2024 21:26

This isn’t ok. I would also wonder if he was trying to prime you to laugh off accounts of his infidelity as ‘banter’.

Sorry OP this is a massive red flag.

C1N1C · 05/06/2024 21:26

Well, it can't be proven... so if he did and you believe the banter, you've made the right call... however, if it is just banter, you could throw away a perfectly good marriage over a harmless (albeit stupid) joke.

Scrollbreadroll · 05/06/2024 21:45

@Hurt1ng I would be thinking he’s cheated on this stag do and trying to do some damage control incase it gets back to you.

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 05/06/2024 21:47

I can't think why he would have gone along with it unless it was true.
Sounds as though he is making excuses now.
Do you know any of the wife's/ girlfriends of the other people on the stag do? Chances are they might have been told what happened and if you talk to them they might tell you what they know.

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/06/2024 21:49

I'm.sorry but I think he's trying to cover up being found put. He's lying.

Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:50

Hoosemover · 05/06/2024 21:23

I would thinking that there’s no smoke without fire. Is trying to get ahead of the game?

This crossed my mind!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:51

C1N1C · 05/06/2024 21:26

Well, it can't be proven... so if he did and you believe the banter, you've made the right call... however, if it is just banter, you could throw away a perfectly good marriage over a harmless (albeit stupid) joke.

Difficult to prove either way isn't it.
There is one picture of him and the girl together which he has shown me. A selfie style picture. Face to face smiling at he camera. Close enough to have skin on skin contact, and that makes me feel uneasy.

OP posts:
Knitgoodwoman · 05/06/2024 21:52

Yea he’s cheated, sorry Op. It’s a very strange thing to ‘go along with’ when you haven’t cheated…

Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:54

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 05/06/2024 21:47

I can't think why he would have gone along with it unless it was true.
Sounds as though he is making excuses now.
Do you know any of the wife's/ girlfriends of the other people on the stag do? Chances are they might have been told what happened and if you talk to them they might tell you what they know.

So the guys who's stag do it is has apologised to me profusely for not putting the rumour to bed. Has gone above and beyond and brought a gift to apologise for not shutting the rumor down and how he feels bad for the drama it's caused.

I do know another person who's partner was there as well, but don't know them well enough to start digging. Don't want to cause.more drama if I do not have to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:55

Knitgoodwoman · 05/06/2024 21:52

Yea he’s cheated, sorry Op. It’s a very strange thing to ‘go along with’ when you haven’t cheated…

He just says he has no idea why he went along with it. Can't really remember that much and was just trying to fit in.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 05/06/2024 21:59

I know my dh wouldn’t go along with a rumour of cheating just for banter and would actually get quite annoyed about it .

I feel he is trying to cover his tracks and would make me feel quite uneasy.

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 05/06/2024 21:59

Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:54

So the guys who's stag do it is has apologised to me profusely for not putting the rumour to bed. Has gone above and beyond and brought a gift to apologise for not shutting the rumor down and how he feels bad for the drama it's caused.

I do know another person who's partner was there as well, but don't know them well enough to start digging. Don't want to cause.more drama if I do not have to.

Show quote history

Well I'd be a bit dubious about him being so apologetic. if it was all supposed to be just banter he is taking it very seriously now. It could just mean he is sticking up for your DH and trying to bail him out of his spot of bother.

Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:59

Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 21:55

He just says he has no idea why he went along with it. Can't really remember that much and was just trying to fit in.

Show quote history

And I mean I have no idea where to go from here?
I don't want to throw away my marriage when I have no evidence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 22:00

Hiddenvoice · 05/06/2024 21:59

I know my dh wouldn’t go along with a rumour of cheating just for banter and would actually get quite annoyed about it .

I feel he is trying to cover his tracks and would make me feel quite uneasy.

Yes! Also another thought of mine. Why go along with it if it's not true.
Oh f* I don't know what to do. I feel sick with worry.

OP posts:
ButterflySkies · 05/06/2024 22:01

Huge red flag - what's your gut telling you?

There is no smoke without fire so at a minimum I'd hazard a guess their interactions were inappropriate for a married man, no matter how drunk.

Tough one, but I'd be absolutely stewing and would be intent on getting to the objective truth

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 05/06/2024 22:03

What kind of stag do was it ? Was it a foreign destination one involving him being away for a few days?

Hiddenvoice · 05/06/2024 22:03

I think you need to fully explain how this is making you feel. Tell him you need the full truth, maybe they didn’t have sex but I feel he is hiding something.

If it was nothing at all, then why did he need to bring it up?

Dotty87 · 05/06/2024 22:04

He knows it's going to get back to you, and is getting his version in before that happens. Really weird kind of "banter" if he hasn't done anything, this stinks of minimising.

Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 22:06

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 05/06/2024 22:03

What kind of stag do was it ? Was it a foreign destination one involving him being away for a few days?

Yes it was. A couple of nights on a cruise.

OP posts:
ButterflySkies · 05/06/2024 22:07

DH's view for a male perspective if helpful - "bizarre jokes do stick on a stag do but it's weird to go there unless something happened" followed by "its weird the stags got involved, all that means is the husband has a good mate, either covering for him cos he feels guilty something happened on his stag or nothing did happen but its all strange" x

JenniferBooth · 05/06/2024 22:08

If a stag do is referred to as the "last night of freedom" why do men continue to go on them after they are married.

Wonderingforever · 05/06/2024 22:11

Being honest I would think he did, and it's damage control now. Tell you a partial truth so if its ever mentioned in your company it can all be laughed away as a 'funny' story.

Does he have SM and does he have new followers or is he following her?

Original poster
Hurt1ng · 05/06/2024 22:12

Wonderingforever · 05/06/2024 22:11

Being honest I would think he did, and it's damage control now. Tell you a partial truth so if its ever mentioned in your company it can all be laughed away as a 'funny' story.

Does he have SM and does he have new followers or is he following her?

He's not following her. At least not by the name he's given me.
But you've given me an idea to look a little closer at pictures of who he is following. Surely he wouldn't be so stupid though.

OP posts:
Chimen · 05/06/2024 22:17

If he has cheated it’s unlikely his friends would be joking about it.