Stag do

[Hurt1ng]

Husband of 2 years recently went on a stag do.
He's told me there was a rumour of him cheating. Sounds like it was just banter. But he went along with it joking about it.
He's adamant nothing happened and went along with the joke because he was drunk and trying to fit in and wishes he responded differently.

I'm feeling really hurt and feeling like he has no respect for myself, himself or the marriage.

Would you feel disrespected by this or is it just "stag do banter" ?

I really feel for you OP. These stag dos cause so much heartache and upset.

Hmm this does seem like damage control. The stag is being weird about it too

I suppose it comes down to the trust in your relationship.

it’s absolutely daft to joke about cheating on your wife! So stupid. But then a lot of blokes are stupid and even more so when you introduce alcohol and the pack mentality.

If you trust him and hes adamant nothing happened then I suppose you have to forgive the stupidity and move forward.

if you have significant doubt and you need to start digging in his socials to “prove” it might have actually happened, then the relationship is over already.

I think he got a telling off from wife to be for not shutting said rumour down.

I guess I'm never going to know the truth. I need to figure out how and if we can move forward.

Stag do guys wouldn’t start a rumour, the LAST thing they want is any talk of cheating.

They would however lie about a rumour to cover up something.

Totally agree with this.

You'll never know, forget about it. I've seen how words and information is twisted, rumours and such. When excessive alcohol is involved anything is possible. I've seen with my own eyes people plucking stories out of thin air.

So what about the woman he had his photo taken with? What was her role in the stag do?

She was there on holiday for a friend's birthday party.

So did the birthday party guests and the stag do guys combine to party together?

No they were on a cruise.
I don't know how they met.

Where has the rumour come from? Ie a wife/girlfriend who’s been told what happened on The Stag. Has this the circulated amongst your friends?

Normally the guys close ranks and don’t discuss what’s happened, unless one or several didn’t like what they saw etc.

It is very odd that your DH didn’t immediately close down the gossip and rumours. If you felt guilty and judged about something you didn’t do would you go along with what you were being incorrectly accused of, or would you vehemently deny the incorrect accusations?

Exactly Someone on here didnt read my post correctly a couple of weeks ago and accused me of being an OW when im not. I found it bad enough to be accused of it under a pseudonym

No, I jokingly said oh I hope everyone behaved. And then he said yes, but a rumour did start about him. And then I was like and what you went along with it? And then I just laid into him about how disrespectful it was. And since then I've just had vague bits and pieces from him.

Noone else has brought it to my attention. Other than the stag who said he was sorry for not shutting it down when it came up straight away.

A group of women on a birthday cruise and group of men on a stag cruise...

He cheated and is trying to do damage control

That's all so weird.

First of all,for there to have been a rumour something must have triggered it.

Like what happened? Why was he taking photos with some random woman. They must have been spending time with them.

I dont knows its all very strange, and when things don't make sense to me I think that's usually because parts of a situation have been left out that would make it make sense.

So for example I would be thinking did he and the girl happen to seperate from the group at the same time and your husband came back and then it was jokes about being with her.

I'm generally not a suspicious person but this is all just weird.

Apparently she and him took one of the other drunk stag party back to his cabin. She helped him apparently.

So rather than another man on the stags help, he needed help from a woman to manage a drunk man back.

I don't know, I suppose when drink is involved things that don't make sense sober can seem like the best idea you have ever had when your drunk.

Yeah I did say that out loud, I can't even remember his answer now.

Well from your updates it does sound as though the stag party and birthday party women were partying together. Why else would they have been taking care of the drunk together. There might be a few wife's and girlfriends of the stag party not very happy about this. Unless they are being kept in the dark, as is more than likely.

I don’t understand why the onus is on you to find evidence. He’s the one who has either stupidly gone along with a very strange rumour, which is highly disrespectful towards you and your marriage, or he’s cheated. Why isn’t he the one trying massively hard to prove his innocence to you? How? Who cares, that’s for him to find out.

The going along with such a hurtful and disrespectful rumour would be enough for me to realise the lack of respect and integrity my husband had for me.

What type of friends are these that are happy to start a rumour like this in the name of 'banter'. Think about it OP. If a friend of yours started a rumour without precedent, about you being unfaithful, would you find it funny, or would it be malicious slander?
There were probably enough people at this stag do, for him to worry about this 'banter' slipping up one day, so he's buttering you up just in case.

The more you update, the more it sounds like he’s cheated. They were obviously partying with this woman and he’s gone back to the cabin with her. Why would she leave all her mates to help your husband take a drunk man back, rather than his own mates helping him, doesn’t add up. I think you must know deep down this doesn’t add up because if you were satisfied with his answers you wouldn’t have started this thread. 😬 Also, I’ve never heard of “banter” about cheating before, maybe banter about someone fancying someone but actual cheating?

He only knew the stag. Has nothing to do with the others usually, not his friends.