Would you trust my boyfriend

[karlaka]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2+ years.

He broke up with his ex over the phone (it was a long-distance relationship but within the same country). She apparently always wanted a clarifying conversation in person, but he didn't want to meet her in person anymore.

About 4 months after their breakup, she texted him saying that he was the worst, as she rightly suspected that he was in another relationship. Of course, she blamed him for that.

Then, last year before Christmas, we were lying in bed watching something, and she wrote to him on LinkedIn saying that he probably texted her, but her phone was stolen while she was on vacation, and she gave him her new number so he could message her on WhatsApp.

He explained to me that he had sent her a message on WhatsApp weeks ago, which didn't get delivered, in which he asked her to return his keys (after 2 years by now), as he wanted to give up his apartment. Since she didn't respond on WhatsApp, he went on her profile on LinkedIn a few times. She saw that and therefore sent him the message. However, he assured me that he has had no other contact with her otherwise.

Would you believe that? Why would one think, after 1.5 years of no contact, just because the person clicked on your Linkedin profile and your phone was stolen, that the ex might have sent a WhatsApp in the meantime?

What other stuff do you think they texted about and how does it make you feel?
Why do you think the conversation went onto other things that managing transfer of keys?

It's just a feeling idk. Mainly because as I said, he never texted her on LinkedIN, so i'm surprised she would assume he texted her on WA in the meantime since they were not in touch for 1.5 years.

Given the price of the keys, and likely fact he had to either give 2 sets back OR pay for a second set, I'm not surprised he wanted to ask for them back! He'd probably forgotten about the keys till he realised he'd need them to give up the apartment.

But it you are the sort of person happy to chuck 200 Euro away I'm not surprised you're suspicious.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to get all sets of keys back before leaving a house. Pretty sure everyone here would expect that if they were a buyer or a new tenant, rather than have various spares out there.

but this is mumsnet so yeah, he’s a horrible liar, dump him…

@karlaka oh, in that case it sounds totally legit. 🙃

Did he dump her when he met you OP? Is that why this is niggling you?

Yeah he was still with her when we started dating

Nobody expects every single set of keys being given back on a house sale/end of rental. Nobody. It is strongly advised you replace the locks upon completion.

Most normal people ask their Exs for their keys at the end of the relationship (or change the locks), not ask two years later.

Nothing to do with this being mumsnet, it's every thing to do with normal, sensible behaviour 🙄

Ahh now it makes sense why this is still bothering you when it happened before Christmas.

So you knowingly entered into a relationship with a cheat and now wonder if you can trust someone who is dishonest.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes

Yep, quite the dripfeed.

'Dating' is a weird word to use. Cheating or having an affair might be more appropriate

So you think he’s doing the same to you now and in reverse? Possibly.

Did he need the keys and was he giving up his apartment? If so, there was a valid reason for contacting.

If that's what you think, why are you here trying to get other people's opinions? And why are you then defending him when you get those opinions?

It all boils down to whether you trust him or not. Do you?

About 4 months after their breakup, she texted him saying that he was the worst, as she rightly suspected that he was in another relationship. Of course, she blamed him for that.

Well she wasn’t wrong was she seeing as he cheated on her with you.

@karlaka

1. Why would she feel he randomly text her when its been several years
2. If you are asking MN then do you trust him you should be able to say yes or no... Has he given you a reason not to trust him?

I'd believe him. If they were in regular contact why would she be messaging on linkedin? There'd be no need, he would already know her number etc..
Depending on the apartment, you can't get a copy of the key cut so he may need the spare back. I'm lazy enough not to chase a key from an annoying ex at the time but to try and get it later on when the need became more pressing.

@karlaka Like at the end of the day if he was going to cheat on you he likely could do it without being so overt about you knew about the communications. I guess did you discover this or did he tell you first?

Oh I remember your multiple posts about this on-off relationship.

It started in chaos, it will end in chaos. He cheated with you, he will cheat on you.

It's really not worth the head space.

If I want to get hold of someone on LinkedIn, I look them up and send a message. I don't click on their profile several times without sending a message. That's not normal if all he wanted was the keys sent back. So yeah, not ideal.

Actually just looked at your other threads. No i would not remotely trust your boyfriend,

Having seen your updates, nah, wouldn't trust him. But the whole relationship seems a bit of a nightmare.

Not sure where you live, but where I live you need to return every single key.

Her phone got stolen and she probably saw he had visited her profile a few times so she messaged him