Is your DH/DP the best you ever had?

[Sprinklesandsprinkles]

In bed!

We have a great marriage- he's my best friend, we laugh together, want the same out of life, amazing DC, financially in a great position and looks like we'll be set for a great retirement together too.

But he's so far from the best I've had! And as much as we can work on things I really don't think we'll ever get to that point. We have spoken about it (we just have different tastes/wants) and would much rather end up with a sexless marriage than break up an otherwise great thing.

I've had some amazing sex that I find myself thinking about, but with guys who would never be good long term partners. So I'm not looking to be told it ok to leave him etc but I'm just checking surely I can't be the only one?!

As this is mumsnet I wonder if I'll be told this means I don't actually have a happy marriage but surely not all long term partners are having their mind blown in the sack, how many unicorn men are out there 😂

DH is the best in every way.
He's a wonderful husband and we've been together for 25 years.

I feel really lucky. My ex was also good in bed but not a good husband.

I've had a lot of sex in my life.

we just have different tastes/wants

does he think the same about you, great wife - but the sex is crap ?

This.

@Fs365 it's better for him because it's easier for me to go along with his thing, than it is for him to give me what I want. Although it would be a lot better for him if I was into it, I can enable him enough for him to be pretty satisfied. I'm not the best he's has thought as he had an ex who was really into what he likes

I remember spending the night with someone that I picked up in a club when I was younger/single, and I had seven orgasms in one night! (can't remember how I kept count, but remember telling a friend about it the next day!).
I don't even remember his name.
I have realised that the best sex I have had was either ONS, casual flings with unsuitable people, or with someone mentally abusive (one bad Ex BF). Not sure what this says about me.
My current DP of many years is what I need emotionally, but the sex is not perfect or mind blowing. We have not given up on it even though it's not frequent and it's generally good when it does happen (just rarely amazing).
I sometimes wonder if I could look elsewhere but want the stability for myself and my DD and won't throw that away for casual sex,

Oh yes yes yes 🙌 But then mine is an engineer. They like to know how things work 😁

No, although the love we have for each other means it is definitely up there. The 2 best were also the absolute worst men I've ever been in relationships with 😂

100% we both are very high sex drive, high passion, long session kind of people. We are insanely compatible, we have mostly the same fetishes and are both open minded and try anything once kind of people. And we both put the effort in to learn eachothers bodies and what makes us tick so we can pleasure eachother to an extent no one else has been able to. I've had sex with people before him, since meeting him (we weren't committed origionally) and we've had sex with people together. No one has ever for either of us even come close to eachother.

I could not imagine a sexless marriage.

As a life partner we're also insanely compatible, we want the same things, we treat eachother the way we want to be treated. I never believed in soul mates, for a long time I didn't believe in decent men. I cannot imagine a single thing I would change about him. It is like we were made for eachother. And I know I am insanely lucky.

Far (so far!) from it.

I do fancy him, but it kind of comes and goes.

He doesn’t have much sex drive to be honest, then we were ttc for such a long time where it probably felt a bit forced and pressured for both of us then pregnancy, traumatic birth, non-sleeping child etc etc. It’s not a totally sexless marriage - but it’s rarely more than once a month these days. It’s nice enough when it happens, but if I’m honest he’s a bit awkward and actually a bit selfish - this is genuinely the only aspect of our lives where that’s true, but it is.

Doesn’t bother me so much these days, my sex drive is lower after having DD and actually our relationship has improved in so many other ways. He’s kind, funny, honest, hard working, always on my side and a fantastic, equal parent. Yes he was a safe option, my ex pretty much broke me and I never thought I’d trust anyone again whereas I trusted my now husband with my life from really early on. We have a good life, it’s enough.

struck a huge chord. Weakness and submissiveness IS a huge turn off, fully agree. So is excessive night sweating and snoring.

Is it enough for him?

Yes. He's fantastic. Been together 26 years

Being submissive is not being weak, though. I am fully submissive in my relationship but totally badass elsewhere. it takes a lot of courage to submit and let go.

Yes definitely. And I've had some experience believe me 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆......+
Exdh had zero sex drive. Had great sex before him and before now dh. First time (2nd date) and I thought wtaf! Still fancy each other like mad 16 years later. I went a long time without with exdh. Sex is very important to both of us. We have loads in common too though.

Actually, yes. But I met my husband very young, I’d only had 3 partners before him and they were all virgins. He was not, and we are both very vanilla but happy to provide one another with what the other wants, such as (gentle) dominance, sex outdoors, oral sex, and er… that’s about as kinky as it gets, but that’s how we both want it!

@QuickNameChangeforThis1 I relate to quite a lot of this! Including the isolated selfishness.

So good to hear some of you have it so good you lucky things!! But good to hear I'm not the only one in my position too

My current Bf is absolutely amazing although still early ish days (18m in)... but we live apart so it's still the fun, exciting, 'doing lots of lovely things' part of a relationship without the daily drudge which I think can make desire ebb and flow.

We both have teens and no desire to 'blend' so even though we see each other 4 or so times a week, I still get fanny gallops every time he looks at me, let alone kisses me. Long may it last!

@Youdontevengohere OP said he doesn't have much sex drive.

Given he’s the one with the lower sex drive in the first place, and the one who doesn’t want to do/ try anything more adventurous then yeah, more than enough for him.

Mine is the best I’ve had.
In every way.

Up until now…………😉.

I was married for 20 yrs. XH was easily the best I'd ever had.

Until I got divorced.

My sex life took on a whole new high. The "best I've ever had" title now belongs to a man I had a ONS with.

My leg is shaking just recalling my night with him.

This is quite sad to read really, does your partner know that you don’t think he is sexy or handsome and that you don’t fancy him ?

I feel quite sorry for him actually, almost sounds like you decided to use him to pay for your kids rather than actually loving him

Of course not!

Yes (although he is only number two 🤣), but I think sex is something to be shared with someone you love, trust and intend to spend the rest of your life with, when you have sex with someone your choosing in that moment to become one person, so for me it isn’t something you’d share with a new boyfriend etc. Its hard to describe in English, if you knew Urdu it would be really easy to explain it well. He’s perfect for me to raise children with, to talk shit with, but he’s also perfect for me where sex is concerned.

^ was writing a response but this is pretty much my experience also. Great dad, great husband and equal contribution to everything. Amazing in bed and very attractive - has just gotten better looker as time goes on.

I hope it continues long into middle age :)