My husband just screamed in my face In front of our sons.

[WaterDroplet]

Totally out of the blue. We (myself and the boys) returned from a village fete where both boys had won a coconut. Lots of sugar and fun and they were pestering me to open them.

My husband said maybe two times "Mummy" but I thought he was talking to them reminding to ask them nicely. He then snapped a bit saying why are you ignoring me. I followed him to the loo trying to explain that it was crossed wires when he went crazy. Saying, do you fucking try to front me up like that and fucking, fuck off etc whilst he tried to slam the door in my face.

I took the boys outside to smash their coconuts and he went to work out of the other door.

Apart from the elder boy 10, observing that 'Daddy's got anger issues' there just carried on asusual and I'm trying not to cry in the kitchen. What the funking??

Why is your husband calling you Mummy?

I would not want to remain with such a man going forward. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and today he’s crossed a line. Your eldest child has also noticed his dad has anger issues(his dad actually has a problem with anger, your anger when you call him out on such behaviour) so that makes me think this sort of crap from his dad towards you has happened before. Anger management courses are no answer to domestic violence which is what is being described here.

@AttilaTheMeerkat It certainly felt verbally violent if that makes sense. I sort of froze and then started shaking and now crying later on

Is this out of character or is he often abusive to you?
whatever, this is completely unacceptable and your DS has noticed.

This. Your husband calls you mummy?

I'd say this is out of character for him towards me. He has terrible road rage which is why my elder probably said the anger issues thing.

Please consider talking to Womens Aid. What’s happened here to you and inform your kids is completely unacceptable. He needs to leave the marital home.

In turn not inform

In front of our children sometimes, yes. It's a hangover from when they were toddlers.

His road rage is another red flag behaviour that can no longer be minimised. Your kids are learning from their dad also about relationships and they cannot learn such crap lessons from him.

He has not changed and the birth of children is often a flashpoint for abusers to really get going.

Road rage issues and screaming in your face.... with rage???!!

This man has huge problems that are incompatible with bringing up children.

I assume this is not the first time. Whats the back story?

I'm very keen for them not to think this is normal. It's not in the family home.

It's been 11 yesterday this month since our first was born. Birth was a long time ago, but I understand what you mean!

There really isn't a back story. I think that's why I'm shaking and trying not to cry now. Ups and downs over the years but nothing like this for the last few years.

It matters not where the abuse is taking place, the fact is that your kids are seeing it
Trying to protect them from their dad whilst you are all under the same roof is an
impossible task.

He sounds awful and his road rage is also particularly disturbing. He could get someone killed, or you 3. Please start to take steps to leave this man.

Your 10-year-old sounds very astute.

What he’s likely been showing you also is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one. Please do not continue to bring up your kids in such an environment.

I think you need to take action urgently Op, beginning with a frank conversation when you are both calm. He needs to seek help, initially from a GP to address his anger issues and explore any underlying reasons. At the same time you need to protect yourself and your children and think hard about living separately.

@MariaLuna He (my eldest) is. He has ASD and nothing passes him by!

My guess is that he can and does control himself around people like his work colleagues

Anger management courses are no answer to domestic violence. It’s possible too his own parents behave similarly so this is learnt behaviour.

Your eldest child is indeed very astute.

Why are you following him, trying to explain? That sounds like appeasement.

Are you often trying to expain/treading on eggshells?

I would not put up with that OP. Completely unacceptable. I bet he doesn’t act like that at work or out with his friends if one of the lm doesn’t hear him or answer him immediately. He can control himself, he just doesn’t respect you enough to control himself around you and your children.

also - why was he calling you mummy? That’s odd.

This isn't the issue ! plenty of respectful loving partners say this sometimes ,my husband included same as i refer to him as dad every now and again.
His rage is the issue.

I realise this is not the issue! It's just creepy. I get that he might sometimes say "wait fot mummy" e.g. but to actually directly call you mummy? Yuck.

If he'll scream swear words in your face just for not hearing him, what else could he be capable of?

I wouldn't hang around to find out.

If he's done it once . . .

Start thinking about an exit from this for you and your children's sakes