My husband just screamed in my face In front of our sons.

[WaterDroplet]

Totally out of the blue. We (myself and the boys) returned from a village fete where both boys had won a coconut. Lots of sugar and fun and they were pestering me to open them.

My husband said maybe two times "Mummy" but I thought he was talking to them reminding to ask them nicely. He then snapped a bit saying why are you ignoring me. I followed him to the loo trying to explain that it was crossed wires when he went crazy. Saying, do you fucking try to front me up like that and fucking, fuck off etc whilst he tried to slam the door in my face.

I took the boys outside to smash their coconuts and he went to work out of the other door.

Apart from the elder boy 10, observing that 'Daddy's got anger issues' there just carried on asusual and I'm trying not to cry in the kitchen. What the funking??

That is so utterly dysfunctional , it actually gives me the creeps. From him calling you mummy to get your attention like he’s one of the children, then going into an abusive violent rant,as you didn’t respond to him calling you mummy , it’s just so utterly disturbing.

I'd be keeping a secret log of all incidents OP, this escalation in aggression sounds very concerning.

I really didn't think calling each other mummy/daddy In front of the kids was odd. We don't refer to each other as such when they're not around.

Its unusual but at most mildly eccentric not creepy or weird. But in the context where you described I do think it added to the confusion - a load of kids saying "mummy, mummy" and my husband joining in would make me think he was saying it for the benefit of the children (since presumably thats why you fell into the habit in the first place). Fine, whatever, misunderstandings occur. But the explosive anger is horrible. I've been on the wrong end of that and its unsettling when as far as you are concerned everything is normal, just talking the suddenly sheer rage and disgust. Its not like a regular argument where both people are maybe getting crosser with each other.
You need to talk to him when he is calmer because its notfair for him to automatically assume the worst like that

It’s quite normal if it’s something like ask mummy this. But outright calling you mummy as if he’s a child. That’s all kinds of weird.

Does this mean you call him daddy when you want his attention??

I understand this as my Grandad used to call my Grandma “Grandma” when we were around. From a kids’ perspective it was nice.

Sounds like he’s got issues with feeling disrespected to go off like that. And the road rage thing too. Wait until he’s calm
and tel him you’re not going to put up with that again.

Is he ever like this with the children? Before you take advise to leave him be aware he can get the kids half the time and without you there doing the parenting and protecting them will he loose his temper with them? People have so much faith in family court to protect our kids but the reality is the kids need obvious bruises and to be making disclosures to all sorts of people before contact with an abusive ex will be stopped

I call my partner Daddy so I do get this. But like you, only in front of our kid.

Do you feel you are walking on eggshells all the time around him? Once he's calmed down, will he show remorse and consider doing something about it?
If not, what would you say to a friend who was in the same situation. I'm not of ltb brigade straight away, but it's not OK to treat you like this.

My Irish Grandparents referred to each other as mother and father.

No, I'm certainly not walking on eggshells all the time. It really felt out of the blue and the last thing I heard as he left (we were outsode) was 'you know I feel fuckong unwell'. He will not miss work even if he's feeling awful, much to the detriment of his family.

Excuse all the typos! My phone does not like swearing apparently.

He sounds nasty. You say he hasn't been like this for a while but that suggests he has previously behaved like this?
I can't stand people who can't control their anger.

He sounds awful. I would not want my children exposed to this. It must be very damaging.

He previously was like this when drunk but that stopped almost 7 years ago. This was stone cold sober in the middle of the day.

What does he do for a living?

I think that makes it even worse.

Can you imagine being that angry that you scream in someone's face 🫤

He's a chef. And yes, I felt this was a lot more personal than a drunken verbal rant.

Outside of abusive relationships, its always better to assume the best of your partner rather than the worst. But that cuts both ways. So, if he was saying mummy, mummy and you were apparently ignoring him then his immediate assumption that you were deliberately ignoring him so as to undermine him and "front him up" is really toxic and unhelpful. I am not getting the same vibes from you - you came across confused and hurt rather than convinced he shouted at you to e.g. make you look bad in front of the children, deliberately scare you - (though naturally I would be scared regardless of intention).

The most negative explanation for his actions is that he is deliberately upsetting you in order to make you cry/upset so he can dominate/control you with the threat of his rage in the future. And the abuse will ramp up. There are plenty of men like that out there. Maybe its unfair to assume that based on one moment of (extreme) anger. Especially as it is apparently out of character. But as I said, not thinking the worst of your partner cuts both ways.

I do think you need a discussion at the very least when all is calm. Otherwise you are going to get into a pattern where he acts like you are out to get him (worst interpretation of your motives) and you flutter about trying to appease him/prove you are good and think of explanations for his rages (best interpretation of his motives). That sort of dynamic is absolutely soul destroying.

Even your son "daddy has anger issues" was giving your father the benefit of the doubt even while he was probably shocked himself. So why can't your husband extend the same grace to his wife that a small child extends to him?

Do not wait around for him to do this again. He will, and it will get worse each time. Protect you precious children, place more value on yourself and please get him out. The police can help you, log this with them. They will take you seriously. It is serious. If he won't leave, you leave with the children. I have been there. I'm so sorry. You deserve to live in peace and happiness, to be respected and most of all your children really will be impacted by him far more than you realise.

I am married to a man with anger issues. I have let him get away with it way too many times and I am now too scared to stand up for myself. I wish I’d left him a long time ago.
Does your husband see a problem with his behaviour? Is he willing to seek counselling to help him with his anger issues? If not then you need to seriously consider if you want to stay in the marriage. I am now so emotionally and physically distanced from my husband due to his behaviour and lack of accountability. Please don’t end up like me.

OP, has he apologised?

'Just to make it clear Jim, you are never, ever to speak to me like that again. I do hope you know that you can discuss with me, whatever is making you this stressed. Maybe I can help? But I won't be sworn at like that. Not by you or anyone and certainly not infront of out boys'.

If he ever behaves that way again, show him the door.

A lot of parents call each other mummy and daddy in front of the children. That's not the issue here. The issue is the anger and verbal violence.@WaterDroplet I really suggest you contact www.womensaid.org.uk/ as soon as possible for advice.