Ex Husband tracking my movements

[2024willbetheone]

Been divorced 8 months after a very difficult break up and divorce. Ex Husband was a manipulative cheat and controlling and I’ve definitely made the right choice to get out.
We have no contact and his relationship with our teenage children has sadly broken down.

A couple of days ago I visited a male friend of mine and parked on his drive. I returned home a couple of hours later to my 15 year old stating ‘Dad has been on the phone and asked where you have been. I told him you were out and he said he knows exactly where you are and that you have been at a man’s house. Someone has texted him a picture of your car on this man’s drive”

I chatted to my son about how this is not normal behaviour and my whereabouts are no concern of his fathers.

Im now driving myself crazy wondering how he knows where I am. Did someone send him a pic? (Unlikely!) or is there a tracker on my car or phone?? To give this some context, he is working away in a foreign country so would have been unable to follow me himself. I have reported this to the police and it is logged on my file after previously reporting him for harassment.

Any advice?

Does he have friends or family in the area?

He may not have a physical tracker but he may have someone keeping an eye out on you.

Perhaps drive the car to the same place but leave your phone at home and see if he does it again.
Then walk to that location with your phone.

It may not give you a definite answer but it may help to find out how he knows.

Good idea!

As an aside - get a Ring doorbell or similar when you move house

And get your phone looked at before you move house

Honestly just ditch the phone and buy a new one.

And get the car checked.

Do it all before you move!

What a nutjob he is I would definitely report him for stalking and harassment. Better to get it logged hopefully police will be supportive as they haven't always been.

Keep safe

Have you been to this guy’s house before? It’s weird that he’s only just got in touch now, unless this is the first time you’ve been to someone else’s house and he’s jumped on it.

I have a friend whose husband is a mechanic. Sadly people bringing their cars in to be checked for trackers is not uncommon. Other times they might have lost a ring/something small and valuable. If they're being paid they're happy to do it, I can't imagine his is the only garage to do it.

So pleased the police are taking this seriously OP. Good luck finding whatever it is that is tracking you and good news that you are moving house

If you live across the road from his mum I'd let the police come to the house. Put the fear of God into her and hopefully her arsehole of a son.

Sensible to reset phone to factory settings and have your car checked but likely someone has spotted your car and reported back to him.

That is fucking creepy.

I work as an IDVA and stalking advocate. The most common way stalkers track ex partners in my experience is by having the login details to iCloud or the Google account. It looks like you have an iPhone; go to the settings (the main settings, not Find My as you've checked that already) and see if there any linked devices. If there are, be sure to screenshot before de-linking and yes, report to police as part of the same course of conduct.

The other way tech is being used to track at the moment is through Apple devices, but not so much AirTags anymore. AirTags alert iPhone users if they are being 'followed', but things like Apple Wallets and AirPods cases use the same tracking tech without sending alerts. Check the car, bag etc incase there is anything like that you don't recognise.

Edited to add: don't reset any of your devices until you have made sure you've screenshot any evidence. Also resetting may be useless if you then upload your old iCloud. Speak to the Cyber Helpline (https://www.thecyberhelpline.com/) if you need to

Also, this is all spot on (except garages do give cars a checkover in the obvious places for trackers, but you can do this yourself and 'legitimate' access to internal sat nav is more likely these days tbh).

Almost all cyberstalking cases I've worked on involve perpetrators who have previously had access to accounts or devices using legitimate functions that the victim doesn't realise exist.

I recommend calling Refuge's helpline for advice. I believe they have a specialist team who deal with these kind of issues.

On Apple if you go to Privacy & Security in Settings, scroll to the bottom and choose Safety Check

You will be able to see exactly who and what is tracking you.

Wow, thank you so much for this!
So it looks as though we still have a shared photo album but I don’t think I could be tracked with that. I do however share my location with my children and I’m now thinking he may have one of their old devices. I will close everything down. Appreciate all of your help.

Do you have an iPhone go to find my friends app and see if he's on there as tracking you

I'd still get your car checked over OP, for peace of mind.

You could leave your phone at home and drive to your male friends house for a bit. If the ex reacts you'll know if it's the car. Obviously that depends on if you're ok with his potential reaction.

OP absolutely remove access to the shared album if you are still contributing your photos to it- as photos are often geotagged. Remove the share location with children too.
Also make sure you've logged into Google and Apple and then checked you are signed out of all devices other than the ones you are using.
Most of these settings are saved on the cloud and so factory reset a device won't change anything.

I just wanted to give a further update on this and seek some views on whether I maybe have enough here for a non-molestation order (I keep doubting myself!)

Prior to my meeting with the police, I received a telephone call from social services. ExH had reported me for neglect - apparently the children are emotionally damaged and are left alone for hours at a time (they are 15 & 16) Luckily social services identified instantly that it was a malicious call and actually signposted me to a DA charity.

Met with police, logged everything. Said I didn’t want to take it further but he needed warning off. Police Man said he would call him and tell him he is verging on stalking.

Since then my eldest has texted his Dad and asked him to stop telling people I am preventing him from seeing them and to stop his games as it’s just upsetting everyone. He has texted back saying ‘your mum is rotten to the core’ and ‘I will tell everyone who listens that she is poison’.

Do I have enough for a non-mol here? I appreciate he doesn’t come near me but the threats and harassment are stating to make me ill again.

Have you spoken to womens aid yet?

No. I was referred to a DA service in January but then backed out as I felt like a bit of a time waster.
I think because I’m divorced / he comes no where near me / I’m not getting beaten up, that I struggle at times to believe it’s abuse.

Please call them, this is abuse, I went through similar with the tracking and SS reports.
Have a look at this organisation, they can advise about injunctions to get him to leave you alone.
Don't let him continue with this.
https://www.ncdv.org.uk/

It definitely is abuse OP - he sounds like a nasty piece of work

Have you sent the messages he sent your son to the police?

Definitely go to the police. The baby reindeer thing and the comments to your son are enough for it to be a concern.