Sexual partner figures (bit tongue in cheek)

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 30/05/2024 06:32

It shouldn’t bother you at all. In fact unless you are very secure in your relationship I wouldn’t bring it up at all. What has gone on before you and before them is allowed to be a black box that we know nothing about. And really having slept with quite a few men I can attest to the fact that numbers do not equal skills in bed so it is totally irrelevant.

Opentooffers · 30/05/2024 06:32

I wouldn't want to know and wouldn't tell my own to anyone. It's all irrelevant to the present. Who cares!

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

Ridiculous24 · 30/05/2024 06:45

@WalkingThroughTreacle absolutely not! My sexual experiences with other men have been thrilling and I would not be without them.

Ethylred · 30/05/2024 06:45

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

Why should we be promoting anything? This is not a morality forum.

Marblessolveeverything · 30/05/2024 06:45

I don't want to know nor would I tell. But I am very grateful that they have been talented, enthusiastic and in particular with my drive 😊

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:48

Ethylred · 30/05/2024 06:45

Why should we be promoting anything? This is not a morality forum.

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Where did I say it had anything to do with morality? You introduced that word, not me.

Icecrown · 30/05/2024 06:49

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

Completely irrelevant to the OP and if I am honest a patronising.

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 06:50

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

I am well into double figures, but l think to suggest you need fewer for “true sexual success” is very wrong.

Not everyone is looking for a long term relationship (and they can go wrong too) but being an independent woman and wanting sexual partners does not make them a lesser individual.

BranchGold · 30/05/2024 06:52

You were implying superiority by talking about being successful sexually and not ‘shallow’ @WalkingThroughTreacle

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/05/2024 06:55

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

We shouldn't be promoting any particular lifestyle or judging people if their lifestyle choices don't align with ours. A long term relationship like that isn't what everyone wants and even if you're one of those that want it you can't always get it. As long as they're not lying or harming anyone it doesn't matter if someone has has 1 sexual partner or 100 as long as they themselves are happy with their sexual choices. This is patronising judgemental crap.

Blendeddogs · 30/05/2024 06:57

Me - too many. Him - one before me.

We agreed beforehand that we would never discuss how many and what and with who - as our sexual relationship is between us. I’ve had good sex, bad sex, painful sex etc but being a lot older when I met him - I knew the body count number is a myth. It doesn’t matter and I won’t discuss it. He respects that and has never asked

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 07:00

BranchGold · 30/05/2024 06:52

You were implying superiority by talking about being successful sexually and not ‘shallow’ @WalkingThroughTreacle

Exactly this! When l first got started in my teens (l don’t subscribe to this misogynistic lost virginity lark, nothing was lost; experience was gained) l had sex with 2 boys in the same week because l wanted to know what a different person felt like. That did not make me a lesser individual.

BodyKeepingScore · 30/05/2024 07:01

Having more sexual partners than you/more experience doesn't always equate to being "better at sex" so I wouldn't give it a second thought tbh

Bessiethevan · 30/05/2024 07:01

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

Ah pah. I have been exclusively with my amazing husband for 25 years. However, pre meeting him, I had a great time. If I wanted to sleep with someone, I would. It was a great time, I was young and completely in control. I'm very happy to have had those experiences.

The decleration of only being with one man isn't a badge of honour like it was in the 1800's.

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/05/2024 07:04

I was married for a long time and never knew or asked his ‘number’. My partner now, and I, don’t discuss it either. It’s not relevant.

Teentaxidriver · 30/05/2024 07:10

Bessiethevan · 30/05/2024 07:01

Ah pah. I have been exclusively with my amazing husband for 25 years. However, pre meeting him, I had a great time. If I wanted to sleep with someone, I would. It was a great time, I was young and completely in control. I'm very happy to have had those experiences.

The decleration of only being with one man isn't a badge of honour like it was in the 1800's.

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Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

Bessiethevan · 30/05/2024 07:14

Teentaxidriver · 30/05/2024 07:10

Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

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I have been in a loving successful relationship for 25 years so am well aware of the benefits. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having as many sexual partners as you want if you are not in an committed relationship. If you want to sleep with someone and you are young, free and single (or old, free and single!) - then go ahead and enjoy it!

Ethylred · 30/05/2024 07:18

Teentaxidriver · 30/05/2024 07:10

Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

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What are you disagreeing with? It can't be the poster's description of their own life so it must be
"The decleration [sic] of only being with one man isn't a badge of honour like it was in the 1800's."
Do you really disagree with that? If so, you must be Jacob Rees-Mogg's nanny.

frozendaisy · 30/05/2024 07:28

Burnttoastagain2 · 30/05/2024 06:27

Does this kind of thing bother anyone? Mine are in single figures and I suspect partners are very high. I don't look at him negatively at all but I do feel a bit like I havent experienced as much as him.

He could have had many one night stands that were "couple of pumps" and done. But that would add to the tally.

Someone could have been with someone all their life and doesn't know the sex is dreadful.

It's not about numbers it's about your sex life as a couple.

Can you stop and say this isn't working for me can we try something else?
Do you feel confident to take control/let him take control?
Is your pleasure and enjoyment equally important to him as his?
Do you orgasm together?
Can you laugh and talk about sex?

Do you have variety, long sensual sessions that can be more about massage to a quickie before getting ready to go out?
One partner who ticks many boxes is more fulfilling that 30 similar disappointing shags.

For each pairing it's about sex together. Not the "conquests" that came (excuse the pun boom boom) before.

In short numbers don't count but enjoyment does.

frozendaisy · 30/05/2024 07:33

Teentaxidriver · 30/05/2024 07:10

Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

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Relationships are much easier if the sex isn't rubbish.

Never have kids with a crap shag. That should be the first lesson of relationships.

MightyGoldBear · 30/05/2024 07:39

This is a conversation I'd always had with partners it doesn't both me at all. I'm interested in all of their history it's of no threat to me at all.

Unfortunately I went through lots of sexual assault as a child/teenager so my "consensual number" is very very low. My partners is higher than mine. It doesn't really change how I see him I was aware before I met him how I wished I'd been able to enjoy more carefree sex but unfortunately as a women it's just not as easy to navigate safe and consensual sex especially having previous trauma. I think I do also carry the judgement and fear of older family members telling me how sex was wrong for women shameful and the utter horror of teen pregnancy and stds. Ergh certainly took all the fun out of the idea for me growing up not that the SA didnt already have that covered.

If I was to divorce now I think I'd like to explore more carefree sex with the confidence/knowledge I have now. I do still think the grass probably isn't that greener though. See enough stories on here of very sexually selfish men.

YellowHairband · 30/05/2024 07:40

Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

What does the benefit of long term relationships have to do with this? I met DH when I was 24. The fact that I've slept with 25 people doesn't mean I'm unable to have a long term relationship, or that I'm contributing to any breakdown of "family structure". We're a married couple with 2 children - about as "traditional" as you can be.

frozendaisy · 30/05/2024 07:43

Teentaxidriver · 30/05/2024 07:10

Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

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Do you have a link for this "research"?

Because I would bet H's car (not my car me & the kids need that 😁) that kids thrive better with two happier separated parents than two miserable ones together.

People can and do grow apart. Many problems of previous society was the fact women couldn't escape abusive marriages, or had any choices.

There are many "teenage hooligans" or "drunk loose women" or "fighting men" who were brought up with parents whom remained together.

So I would genuinely be interested in the data if you can link it that would be appreciated. (Certified source of course because that's the only research that counts a quote from an archbishop isn't research).

CheeseWisely · 30/05/2024 07:45

In my own experience the only people it bothers are insecure / jealous / potentially abusive Men.

They're the only people that have a) asked me and b) made a big deal of the answer, which is inevitable really because if they didn't have some background reason for asking (ie: they have a number in mind that they deem 'acceptable' and a number that they don't) then they wouldn't have asked in the first place.

My DH and I have never had the discussion. I know he's had ex-partners and flings and probably one night stands, he knows I have. Neither of us need to know the details.