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Original poster

Sexual partner figures (bit tongue in cheek)

74 replies

Burnttoastagain2 · 30/05/2024 06:27

Does this kind of thing bother anyone? Mine are in single figures and I suspect partners are very high. I don't look at him negatively at all but I do feel a bit like I havent experienced as much as him.

OP posts:
Usernamesarenoteasy · 30/05/2024 07:53

I've never counted, so wouldn't actually be able to tell anyone anyway.
And I've never asked anyone either.

frozendaisy · 30/05/2024 07:59

I've had very sweet conversations with H with him explaining how he felt empty and a bit used after a one night stands. Oh bless, it's ok honey you don't have to do that anymore.

He is the more sensitive of us.

How can people not discuss previous experiences? I mean you don't need names and numbers but to just no discuss any previous sexual anything seems very uninterested. I feel I know H much more as a whole person by knowing about his relationship/sexual past. If anything it makes it even more clear how good our relationship is together.

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 08:16

Quoting “research” without quoting the source, numbers involved and the credentials of the author is totally pointless.

frozendaisy · 30/05/2024 08:20

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 08:16

Quoting “research” without quoting the source, numbers involved and the credentials of the author is totally pointless.

They've watched a YouTube rant about it!

(We have teens we go through "what's the source for that" discussions daily......)

HangingOver · 30/05/2024 08:22

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one

So that's 1, not 29 dummy.

PollyPeachum · 30/05/2024 08:27

I don't look at him negatively at all but I do feel a bit like I haven't experienced as much as him.
You may not have experienced as much. Your experience of life in general has been different to his.
@Burnttoastagain2 What do you think you have missed that makes you a little regretful? Or what do you think has he enjoyed that made him happier?

Alwaystired23 · 30/05/2024 08:30

I really wouldn't worry. It shouldn't matter. Just enjoy your time together.

Enko · 30/05/2024 08:39

Sexual partners and relationships are two different things.

One doesn't negate the other.

Dh and I have had the number discussing we are on a similar tally but I cant recall his actual number. Both in double.

We have been together for 28 years so it clearly didn't stop us having a successful relationship.

My friend whom told me over and over how important it was that she and her dh had only been with each other. Ended up leaving him for another man. Doesn't to me = she was bad at relationships and good at sex. It means for me she was in a relationship that didn't work for her and now she is in one that works.

As long as the sex is consensual and you get some enjoyment out of it. I honestly do not think it has anything to so with whom we are as people. So.to @Burnttoastagain2. No I don't think the number matters.

MermaidEyes · 30/05/2024 08:40

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

True sexual success is having several partners before you settle down so you know you've got a decent one who's good in bed and will always think of what you want, not just what they want. The thought of being married to the first person I ever slept with shudder

Didimum · 30/05/2024 08:40

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:48

Where did I say it had anything to do with morality? You introduced that word, not me.

Show quote history

surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship

You’re asserting that sexual monogamy is superior to promiscuity. How is that not a moral assertion?

Nonewclothes2024 · 30/05/2024 08:46

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

Congratulations to you , everyone is different. Some people don't want to settle down with just one person.
Some people want to play the field before they do.

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 08:58

Didimum · 30/05/2024 08:40

surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship

You’re asserting that sexual monogamy is superior to promiscuity. How is that not a moral assertion?

Show quote history

This!

It is also akin to getting in a taxi driven by someone who hasn’t taken their driven test.

If you meet someone, you like them, you feel passionate about them, there is nothing wrong with having sex with them.

Naunet · 30/05/2024 08:59

Teentaxidriver · 30/05/2024 07:10

Totally disagree. Relationships are hard and maintaining one for many years is a form of success. Research proves that children thrive in stable environments with married parents. You can knock Walking’s comment but society is paying a price for the breakdown of the traditional family structure.

Show quote history

But you can have both a long loving healthy relationship, and to have had some fun in your younger years. It’s not one or the other.

Dadjoke007 · 30/05/2024 09:09

In my 3 longest relationships we have always shared this - the numbers mean nothing but it's one of those things we were all curious about. Once discussed, it never came up again. I always thought of it as knowing your partner

marie3e · 30/05/2024 09:19

I don't really see the difference in there being lots of different people or sleeping with the same one all the time for years. Except diseases, it's the main reason I would be cautious to sleep with someone now I'm older

mindutopia · 30/05/2024 12:27

Mine are double what dh's are. It's fine. I did have a lot more relationship and life experience than he did when we met. That's just how the dice rolled. Looking back now, I think probably for him, it would have been nicer to have had more experience before settling down. He never got to have the wild one nighter sort of years that I did because he met me before he ever got there and wanted to settle down. He's never expressed any regret, but still I think that's a bit of a life phase everyone should go through in an ideal world. It hasn't impacted our relationship and as far as I can tell, he's very happy and committed. But still. It doesn't bother me but it maybe a little bit bothers me on his behalf, if that makes sense.

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 12:44

marie3e · 30/05/2024 09:19

I don't really see the difference in there being lots of different people or sleeping with the same one all the time for years. Except diseases, it's the main reason I would be cautious to sleep with someone now I'm older

Different people react differently and feel different.

Olika · 30/05/2024 12:48

I met my DH in my late 30s so we both have a past and I am not interested in how many women he slept with before me. And he has never asked about mine and TBH I wouldn't be able to give him a number as it's not something I ever kept count on.

Marblessolveeverything · 30/05/2024 12:52

@marie3e the difference is experience in different contexts can be richer. Every person you have sex with has their default which in my experience can differ wildly.

Everyone has different boundaries and preferences, by experiencing different people you open up possibilities that may not arise with the one particular person.

Of course safe sex is essential as is consent. But opening up to other perspectives adds to each others experience.

I wouldn't enjoy sex as much if I hadn't met one past lover, simply because he was exceptionally experimental which at the time I wasn't. Due to being in a long time commitment relationship.

That one man helped set me up as a very confident and boundary aware lover. It also set me straight on not putting up with crap sex. I owe that man a lot.

The rare one night stands provided me with an opportunity to absolutely live a fantasy, to feel like a femme fatale , which will keep me warm in my old age. Life is short, sex is fun, the only regrets i have is not remembering one guys name 😂.

sheroku · 30/05/2024 12:54

I've seen so many of my friends run the gauntlet of online dating and get immediately ghosted as soon as they sleep with the guy. For some men it's obviously a game and it's gross. I'd be very suspicious of any guy who has racked up a large "body count" (horrible term).

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/05/2024 12:55

We have never told each other.
Mines in the mid 20s.

Soluckyinlove · 30/05/2024 13:12

My sister in law used to try and make me jealous by telling me what a Casanova my husband had been before he met me and really couldn't understand why it didn't bother me. I really didn't care .... as long as it was before he met me. I'd had my fair share of sexual partners too. However we have now both been happily together for over 30 years.

amiold · 30/05/2024 13:13

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

Or you could just say "I finally managed to find someone willing to sleep with me so I stuck with them".

I feel like you won't like the insinuation that you weren't successful in finding will ing participants to sleep with you (for whatever reason), yet here you are insinuating people who have have been on a quest to find a decent shag are unsuccessful. You could sleep with the same person for 50 years, but you could be blissfully unaware there's better be had.

StarlightLady · 30/05/2024 13:14

sheroku · 30/05/2024 12:54

I've seen so many of my friends run the gauntlet of online dating and get immediately ghosted as soon as they sleep with the guy. For some men it's obviously a game and it's gross. I'd be very suspicious of any guy who has racked up a large "body count" (horrible term).

And you want to get those men out the way asap.

gindreams · 30/05/2024 13:24

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/05/2024 06:36

Mine is 29. To be clear, not 29 different partners, but 29 years very happily and exclusively with the same one. Anyone can go out and get laid but surely we should be promoting the view that true sexual success is being able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship and not all this shallow "body count" nonsense.

You sound utterly insufferable and rather judgy