Sexual partner figures (bit tongue in cheek)

[Burnttoastagain2]

Does this kind of thing bother anyone? Mine are in single figures and I suspect partners are very high. I don't look at him negatively at all but I do feel a bit like I havent experienced as much as him.

Too many to count. First had sex at 17, didn't marry till I was 48 and longest relationship before then only a couple of years.

Probably averages 3 people a year.

I don't know- my ex shared on the FIRST date that he'd been with over 40 women (he was 40 at. the time) and was kinda counting in his head and said "most were in my 20's but anyway it should work in your favour"

Then asked me, I said 2 and he was shocked.

TBH it did bother me a little, not at the time because I was waiting to see if the sex would be good- truthfully he didn't need 40 women to learn whatever that was because he was not that great AT ALL- in fact, he stamina must have taken a hit.

It bothered me in retrospect when I walked away from the relationship and began to process the breakup, as it confirmed to me he was a lad, he was immature, he struggled with commitment. I know I am being a bit judgey here but that is how I felt.

I would not consider anyone who had had a lot of partners/engaged in casual sex because that is very different to how I approach relationships. it wouldn't be the number but the casualness with which they approach physical intimacy that I would have an issue with.

How many sexual partners you've had is a very silly discussion to have with anyone.

As long as you both have a clean bill of sexual health if you're going unprotected with someone (or have discussed the risks of anything you are a carrier of), it's not relevant.

"Sexual success" is orgasms 😂

Mm, not necessarily a silly discussion. I agree that it's silly to try to have such a discussion unless you are absolutely certain that both sides (I'm excluding anything poly here, how very normal of me) want to know the answers. But within the right relationship the answers can reveal a great deal, in a good way, about each other and enrich the relationship.

Oh, and sexual success is orgasms that you remember decades later.

I know where OP is coming from. I've only had a handful of previous partners, but I know my dp has had a lot more, and a lot of non vanilla sexual experiences. We've never discussed numbers, and I don't want to know that sort of thing, just that stuff that dp has openly mentioned in conversation makes me feel quite inferior experience wise (I'm sure it's not intentional or bragging, or anything like that). We do have a great sexual chemistry though, and the us and now is what matters most of all.

But I have to admit that I'm somewhat jealous of her experience, and feel like I really missed out when I was younger. Not just with my current partner either, all of my ex's had had more previous partners/experience than me, so maybe that's why I've always felt inferior and had a chip on my shoulder about the lack of experience, even though I'm well aware that more certainly doesn't make someone a better lover.

You might be on to something. Your comment made me realise I've been having mostly bad sex all my life ! Maybe I should do something about that

So yours is actually 1 then? You do realise you can do both? Having no strings sex when you’re young and single is really fun. It’s a turn on to have noncommittal sex. Sex in a long term relationship is great, especially at the start. But my god, sometimes when I’ve had a day with the children, my DH is going on about mowing the grass or something equally as bloody boring I look back with fondness and often fantasise about my sexual encounters as a young, hot 20 something. My figure is 12 and if anything I wish it was higher.

And no, not everyone can go out and get laid just like that. Maybe if you have no standards whatsoever, but sleeping with lots of people doesn’t mean you’re easy. I was fussy as hell, but would I have a one night stand with a really hot guy? You betcha.

But what has the traditional family structure got to do with the number of sexual partners you have had? Most women my age (44) that I know spent their teens and twenties in short relationships or having one night stands, girls holidays, on off relationships, friends with benefits etc. We were teenagers in the 90s where the ladette culture took off and read More magazine in school! But we married in our early 30s and all have very stable marriages, lovely homes, well brought-up children, money in the bank and contribute to every bloody bake sale and school fundraiser going. Of course children thrive in a stable marriage, but who cares (who even knows?) that Mummy shagged 3 blokes on a 18-30s holiday in Crete in 1999? If anything I think having a varied sex life before settling down prolongs a marriage. Christ I couldn’t think of anything worse than marrying the first boy that I slept with.

Wtfaf! She's been with her husband 25 years! What has young single sex got to do with anything?

Gosh I would be mortified if someone asked me, I'd probably lie and give a much lower number.

You can be an independent woman and have few sexual partnerships because that's your choice. You can have shagged 75 men and not be an independent woman because you've done it to be a people pleaser. There's lots of permutations.

25 but a lot of them were from the ages of 13 to 21 when I really went off the rails dealing with some really bad things from my childhood.

A few regrets beacuse it felt like I didn't get the chance to experience it in a loving,caring relationship and I also let some amazing people down.but a few positives beacuse I felt lucky too beacuse I got to share intimacy with some really lovely women.

So spot on!

I didn’t suggest that you could not be an independent woman and have few sexual “partnerships”, my response was related to insinuations that people who had more partners were somehow inferior in mind and body.

l’ve never had sex to be a people pleaser, l’ve always had sex for one reason, passion and desire.

And I didn't suggest that you did suggest that. It's pointing out that people have sex for lots of reasons. I recall a girl who was called names because Tom Dick and Harry had all slept with her and told everyone at the youth club. She did it because they said they'd dump her if she didn't.

I'm probably in double figures but I actually can't remember, I went through the non-committed slapper stage in my early 20s I will freely admit that so there are probably some I can't remember. I mean there are some I definitely don't remember the names of. I regret none of it, it was fun.

Goodness, you sound self righteous, smug and boring!

It's always a hard one, I have friends with very low counts, bene with partners for years. Others are much higher. Not because they slept around, but had X relationships that's were several months, 2 or 10 years.

Think it's a number that shouldn't be discussed, once it's out, its out. It cannot be changed, once you're in a Relationship (well, it can, but I wouldn't be recommending that).

The number is truly irrelevant. It's meaningless.

You could meet a man who's slept with 100 women, all who say he was selfish and only thought of his own pleasure.

It isn't worth a discussion, as it doesn't mean anything, and it's noone else's business.

It’s 2024, we left slut shaming in the last century. Our worth is not dependent on how many partners we’ve had. Frankly to count up how many sexual partners I’ve had would mean going way too far back in history. If anyone asked I’d laugh!

it’s utterly irrelevant

Success means different things to different people. Your idea of sexual success is finding one person and having a sex life with them and them only. Absolutely not mine but that isn't your place to judge or insist everyone live to your romanticised ideals.

Honestly, the only men who have ever initiated that conversation with me, have turned out to be complete pricks. I would also argue that their prowess seemed to be inversely proportional to the number of women they'd been with……

Never had the conversation with any of the decent ones.

Yeah this. ^ It's a well documented fact that women give a lower number of 'sexual conquests,' than they have actually had, and men give a higher one.

Remember that @Burnttoastagain2 Your DP has very likely not had anywhere NEAR as many sexual partners as he is making out.