Always dreading sex

[Smokedcheddar90]

I have been with my wonderful partner for 3 years. I have 2 children from my previous marriage who he is amazing with.

I want to preface this by saying how much I love him, we were childhood sweethearts but went our separate ways and then met again after my divorce. Our lives are great in every way, apart from the sex.

I don't know why but he can never come during sex or oral sex. He says it isn't me but it's hard to not take it personally. He can usually maintain an erection for a long time but no matter what I do I can't seem to satisfy him. He is lovely about it and is happy to either go to the bathroom after sex and sort himself or just have a cuddle. But more and more I find I've started to avoid sex because I always feel not good enough afterwards. I feel frustrated and usually end up crying afterwards. Everything else is so perfect I don't know why this is a problem.

He does say he fancies me but I can't see how when I'm overweight and have given birth twice so I also question if this is the reason that he is maybe comparing me to his ex who had not had children and it may feel different for him.

I don't even really know what I'm asking, but I know that I spend a lot of time thinking about this every day and wondering if this is our life now

Well she explained in the head that she had tried to talk to him about it.

We had a proper talk about it when we first got back together and I said then that I didn't feel good about it and how nothing I did makes him come and he said that is attracted to me and it's not because of that. But we don't talk about it anymore because I get upset and I don't think that he even sees it as a problem because he likes that he can go for ages

He also said he's always been that way even though she knows it's not true because she was previously with him from age 16-20.

So it sounds like she doesn't know why. Possibly the medication but it seems like he hasn't suggested that himself, just made out that he's always been this way, when she knows he hasn't.

@DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum
Thread, not head

Your options then are to either talk to him about it again, ask him if it's do with his medication and could he discuss it with a doctor.

Or else for you to get some therapy to try to unlink the feelings of inadequacy you feel due to this.

Or to end the relationship, because if you feel like this now it's only going to get worse, and the sex will become more upsetting and traumatic for you.

It's the anxiety meds 💯

I had a partner the same.

But ask him not to masterbate or watch oorn for a few weeks and see if that helps

I suspect it won't go away until he stops the meds sadly

It doesn’t seem that it is at all obvious to the OP. And if porn/death grip is the cause then she’s clearly not OK with the outcome for her sex life.

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see a woman doubting her appeal and sexiness to her partner, while he is off wanking to very often violent footage of women being abused, and in the process ruining their sex life. All without saying a word about the obvious problems, just leaving her to blame herself.

This may or may not be the case here, but OP is already blaming herself for her partner’s sexual function.

Erm...you do realise many drugs for anxiety can dull sexual arousal for men and make it difficult for them to come?

I don't know why but he can never come during sex or oral sex. He says it isn't me but it's hard to not take it personally. He can usually maintain an erection for a long time but no matter what I do I can't seem to satisfy him. He is lovely about it and is happy to either go to the bathroom after sex and sort himself or just have a cuddle. But more and more I find I've started to avoid sex because I always feel not good enough afterwards. I feel frustrated and usually end up crying afterwards. Everything else is so perfect I don't know why this is a problem.

This is normal and very common. A substantial number of men have very little sexual contact (for example, see the statistic that 1/3 of young men have not had sex within the past year). This means that many men are not familiar with women and sex, which can cause sexual problems such as not being able to orgasm with a partner.

You shouldn't be feeling bad about it though because his problems do not mean that he is not attracted to you, and you haven't done anything wrong.

But not when he's wanking to p0rn apparently.