Intense first date.. do I run.

[onestepataday]

Met a guy OLD, I was literally about to deleted my profile when he messaged. Hit it off straight away.
Used the apps video call function as a quick, let's check each other is real, and chatted for 4 hours, it flew by and was so easy.
Had a few more video calls during the week.
Met yesterday lunch time for a coffee and the chemistry was intense, coffee turned in to lunch and then a walk and then drinks, I didn't want it to end so he came back to mine. We kissed, cuddled and chatted all night. It didn't go any further, I could have, easily, I wanted to but we didn't!
I broke all my dating rules, it all just went out the window as it all felt so natural and easy.

I'm 36, feel like I'm acting like a teenager! I'm a single parent so I know I need to step back and slow things down. I've text him this morning and told him this and he just said he likes me and will go at whatever pace I'm comfortable with.

I don't know if this is all a big red flag or whether I'm just over thinking,

Just to add been single for 2 years and dated a lot. I don't have form for getting overly attached to people, I'm quite reserved and guarded. I tend to be overly picky and find excuses to back out of seeing people. This whole experience is just the total opposite of what's normal for me. I don't really know how to think about it.

It could be a red flag or it could be that you've met someone you click with, the problem you have right now is you cannot possibly know which one, so to protect yourself you have to assume it's the former. I don't think you need to end it but you're right to slow things down, I'd also say be a bit guarded about how much you share with him for now, you don't know him and you could discover virtually anything about him as you get to know him.

Just keep yourself grounded.

It's fine to feel excited and enjoy yourself, but remember it's just hormones and feelings.

It may turn out this will be a great relationship.
Or, it may be that he's mirroring and lovebombing you and it'll turn out badly.

"Amazing instant connections" can work out, and they can also be false & the mo of a narcissist.

Impossible to know at this stage. 🙂

You can feel however you want, just keep the practical side sensible and slow.

I don't see a red flag. I think you're excited and now you're scared that it's gonna go wrong and you're gonna get hurt beucase you like him.

Ÿeh could be real but .... I'd try and pace the development of this relationship. Be in charge of the pace. If he doesn't respect that you want it to move slowly despite the chemistry, then sadly it is just chemistry and love bombing.

Do you trust yourself the be boundaried pacing the speed of this relationship /fling?

Go with it. It sounds like you changed the pace on the date and it felt natural and good. I think these days we question good things too much and almost look for faults and red flags when there is no need. If you look hard enough at anything you will find fault.

do what feels right for you. If you want to jump into bed next date do so. If you want to wait 3 months before doing so that’s equally right.

sometimes you just meet someone and everything clicks. It has for me and it was great, the right thing to do.

I would say yes it could be, but what happens next and how you set the pace will soon tell you.
Protect yourself and go slowly, don't reveal too much about yourself too early as a practised love bomber will use this to their advantage. Dont let him rush you, and watch out for future faking too.

We kissed, cuddled and chatted all night. It didn't go any further, I could have, easily, I wanted to but we didn't!

The fact he didn't push things further than you wanted to and said he'll go at whatever pace you feel comfortable with when you texted him the next day sounds positive.

take things one step at a time. The rules of the game are whatever you both agree with.

How can you reasonably expect anything to be better than this? Were you worried that if you fucked on the first date he wouldn't respect you? Yes, this is putting things in teenage terms but you used teenage terms yourself. Honestly, go for it.

Sounds really nice to me. He hasn't pushed your boundaries but it's obviously mutual. Surely this is the aim?!

Yeah I think at the time it all felt natural and right and now I'm overthinking and questioning myself.

I agree you can look and find problems if you try hard enough, that's how I've always been and been quite brutal and cut things dead. I don't want to miss out on someone great by repeating the same behaviour. I wanted to find problems with the others, I don't want to find problems with him, I want it to be real but I've never experienced something so intense.

He was so respectful, he did let me lead and was checking I was happy.

I think the issue is my children, that's the part of dating I've struggled with is the idea that it's not just me. And I know we're so far from that, I wouldn't introduce someone to my kids quickly but it's always in the back of my mind that if something progresses to something serious then they'll be involved and that petrifies me! X

Darling, when you know, you know.
You did all these things with him because your gut instict told you it’s ok, because your nervous system tells you it’s ok. Because his energy matches yours.
Life is short, go with the flow. Enjoy this first phase of a new relationship but of course don’t move too fast and do sth stupid like moving in with him, get engaged etc. Let this honeymoon phase wear off before making big decisions.
But do experience this high dopamine stage, it’s wonderful. And If you get hurt, so be it. You will get over it :).
good luck ❤️❤️❤️

There is no way to tell at this stage if he's love bombing or you just really get on. Just be cautious. Watch out for future faking and see if he can handle being told no.

If you don't let yourself cross boundaries (eg don't break your commitments to your health, sleep, work, friends etc) and can just enjoy him you'll be fine whether it works out or not.

Have fun!!

I also think with intros to children - just meeting and saying hi in the park or something is very different from being an intimate part of that home life like bedtime and breakfast etc

I suspect you’re looking for problems and this sounds like the dream first date.

I reckon keep on enjoying dating this man. One date at a time.

This has helped so much thank you!

I always trust my gut feeling and it's helped to point out, this is what I did in the moment, I went with what felt right. My instincts aren't often wrong, everything is telling me this is good and right it's just my head saying he'll turn out like all the others! X

Even If he does 1. You will have experienced a great passion 2. You are strong enough to get over him and move on. Live in the moment. It’s better to fall in love and get hurt, rather than deprive yourself from these intense feelings. Life is short.
BUT…no big decisions unless at least 18 months go by and honeymoon period wears off.

Tell him you had a great time etc. but you’re going to be very busy for whatever reason until 10+ days time

in the interval, let your mind settle, take the vibe off, revisit the date with a clear head to see if he really said or did the right things or if it was just the moment/lovebombing, don’t text too much, don’t think too much

If he’s a nice guy, he ll happily wait, if he’s only looking for sex (and he can feel a part of you is ready), he won’t accept the timeout, he ll keep on pushing, if he’s another type of weirdo/insecure, he ll also whine

He sounds nice and it's a positive start 😊just remember that you don't really know him at all yet and we all show our best side at first! Take it slowly, enjoy dating and keep your kids well out of it for a good while. It's fine to slow things down and spend time getting to know each other. Just take your time, there's no rush.

This is great advice.

Why play a game like that? If he was busy for 10 days I am sure it would look suspect. If you like him why play games?

sometimes you need to go with the flow. Any 2nd date I went on last year was easily the same week as the first. In the case of one where it felt amazing in date 1 it was 4 days later.

This is truly terrible advice.

If a woman came on here and said she’d had a fantastic date (talked all night etc) and he didn’t want to see her for 10 days, we’d all say block and delete/timewaster etc.

Why play these games? And even with the best of intentions, they’ve been on one date. She doesn’t know enough to make the call.

Go forth and date OP! Have fun!

Just enjoy the experience and don’t introduce him to your kids till your 100% happy to. You may never introduce them or you might introduce them in 2 years

@Ethylred @Dadjoke007

What’s the problem with taking enough time to find your calm and your grounding?

Why should a woman accept to be rushed (even by her own emotions) into anything when she’s not ready, why isn’t she allowed to pace herself?

Why does she “owe” a 2nd date ASAP, rather than on her own terms?

What is the problem with posing a (very minimal) challenge so the players can lose interest/show their true colours in the interval?

But there’s a little fib involved, stop the cavalry, call the police, this is immoral and wrong, be kind etc.
Then I suggest you go read the r’ship board, make a list of all the fibs and lies proffered by men to exploit women and get their way, it’s not quite the same scale … and realise that
1/ making the guy wait a bit until you feel in control again is not an act of malice, but one of self-protection and strength
2/ it’s not lying, it’s not saying anything untrue about oneself or playing people, it’s just being unavailable for a week to someone you barely met, to whom you owe nothing

A decent, interested, emotionally well-adjusted guy will not see waiting until the week after a problem, if the spark is there, the spark is there, a decent guy plays the long game, but a wa*r will throw a tantrum

Women should be allowed and encouraged to pace themselves in their dating life to a rhythm that suits THEM where they feel most in control and at peace, if it takes a few days, it takes a few days, if it takes a benign white lie to keep their thoughts personal and make it socially acceptable, so be it.

It’s not playing, it’s grounding.