Partner supporting an artist with different views upsets me, am I being unreasonable?

[Robrob2424]

So my partner is supporting an artist and going along to a gig soon with her best friend who loves this artist...however I am fully against it....and I feel like I've lost a bit of respect for my partner over it...not sure what to do.

The artist that she is going to support is independent but mostly posts about how men are pathetic, how all straight men are cheaters, making jokes about how men should be dressed up in women's clothes and just in general putting men down and calling them scum....

I mean I have an issue with this as I'm a straight man...we aren't all cheaters, we don't deserve to be put down like that and labelled, I'm not exactly happy my partner is going to support this person even if it is her friends favourite artist....

If there was a guy going around calling people sl*ts, saying all women are cheaters and useless, I wouldn't support that either and I know my partner wouldn't be happy.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to stand up for my gender??

Not Taylor Swift is it?

I have talked to my son about the woman-hating lyrics in some songs that we have both listened to and explained why I don't like them. I think you have every right to speak up and ask her what she thinks.

No, you’re not being unreasonable for defending your gender but you are individuals and perhaps she can separate the art from the person.

YABU if you keep going on about it though. Sounds like you’ve told her you don’t like the artist and she’s got her own mind & interests.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but you need to have a discussion.

Nope it's an Irish artist...but similar traits in a lot of the songs as well, I'm also from England and she's made a few comments about everyone from England being transphobic, all the men in England are transphobic and that we created it all...which is another thing that upset me

I guess I don't think either you or your partner are being unreasonable.

You are allowed to have different views about social and political issues in a relationship of course. But if they are TOO different and you can't find a common ground or agree to differ, then I do think that's a valid reason to end a relationship actually.

(Not that people need a "valid" reason either - you can walk away for any reason).

In a way I wouldn't get too hung up on the specific artist and gig. Although I suppose I do also get your point about this - if I had a partner who wanted to go and see a neo-Nazi skin band for example, I would end the relationship immediately over that, even if they said they were "just going with a friend".

But anyway, the issue is not so much the artist perhaps but if you think your partner has sympathy for views you find abhorrent.

Certainly sit and talk about it, if she is willing to do so. But you may have to part about this, and if so I am sorry because I know ending a relationship, especially if other aspects are good, is very hard.

(Please note I am not commenting on the views of this specific artist - i don't know who she is or what she believes. I am just talking about couples who have strongly opposed political/social views in general).

That's true, a lot of the lyrics themselves and songs are written towards bad relationships, men doing this and that, a guy's fault for something. Very tailor swift like as mentioned above now I think about it but worse

Has taylor swift made any comments along those lines?

Sorry I meant about relationships and stuff 😂 as for the England, transphobic and the speaking about men I don't believe so or not that I'm aware of

Sorry the TS comment was a joke.

Until you got to the bit about transphobia the artist sounded like my kinda gal.

I mean how many women have to listen to men's misogynistic shite?

Sounds hard op.

Must be hard being a man in a world where you're disliked just for existing as a man.

Thoughts and prayers 💐

I mean that happens a lot and shouldn't either...and I wouldn't go supporting someone like that...as far as this artist goes though she seems to point out straight men a lot and singles out straight

Not sure if you are being sarcastic or not....to be honest I grew up around a lot of women, only have sisters and most their children are the same gender, I've always heard how men are this and that, how a man has done this and that, how men are this way and that way...constantly, my mum used to say it every other day how men were sh*t, I've also gotten hated on a lot for being English and generalised for a past I was not part of...so when there is an artist attacking both of those things..I feel strongly about it, struggled a lot through life as well and always been told to man up or that women have it worse...

Yes I'm being sarcastic.

If you really are as supportive of women as you say then you'll understand why straight men have such a bad rep.

Getting pissy with your partner for seeing an artist because you dislike them isn't helping your cause either.

And you've proved my point....by generalising as to why I'm upset about this issue....you just said straight men have a bad rep, no a percentage do same as a percentage of any gender. Just you agree and generalise as you do which is why as a straight man I feel the need to protect myself

How long have you been with your partner OP?

From your post it seems as though she is going along with her friend who is the fan. It's a night out, not an indication of your partner's view of life and you.

I don't believe anyone gets to control what I watch or enjoy. I would guess half of the top 40 songs in certain genres are exceptionally disrespectful of woman. As are the majority of comedians.

Sometimes as a woman I do want to hear someone tear strips off men. Because it isn't anywhere near fair still between men and women and won't be fair likely my lifetime.

That doesn't stop me loving my partner, sons or the good men in my life. But sadly that doesn't stop me having to put up with a lot of absolute crap from men on a regular basis.

Only last week out with friends young men in their 20s annoying us on a night out not taking no for an answer, we are nearly fecking 50! Lots of smile love, why don't you want to dance, lots of inappropriate comments.

So I possibly could enjoy the artist as it would provide a vent as opposed to one day actually just screaming at them and not being able to stop.

Are you sure the message is all men and not some men?

You've got a couple of options -
agree to disagree
split up

Depends how important it is to you and the nature of the views.

Like if I knew a bloke who thought Andrew Tate was cool, he'd be gone, (and I'd never have got to dating him, I'd have thought).

What views on English men would you like your partner to support?

Yep...full on twitter post about all straight men and all English men being transphobic and thats the reason there is transphobia in Ireland as well now...it's very important and he'll if I liked Andrew Tate for his views I hope I would get kicked to the curb

Simply that we aren't all cheats and not support someone who thinks all straight English men are transphobic...my partner absolutely hates it when any generalisation or anything is said about Ireland or its women.

I mean there is still a divide between protestant and Catholics here which causes hatred towards English people...and of course the back stories, I get enough of it as it is

Tbh I think the world would be a better place if we could all get a bit less upset at other people having different views to us.

🙌

Discuss the content with her: yes
Pressurise her not to go; no.

If, on discussion, you have different outlooks, different pov, that might or might not be an issue in your relationship . If you different values that will pose a challenge to your relationship.

You know that as a class women are more frequently abused, killed, raped, discriminated against by men as a class than the other way around? She can protest these things while respecting and recognising that you personally are not like that.

I love Picasso, but know he was appalling to his female partners

I would be unhappy at a male partner going to a strip show, and would respect his unhappiness at me going to male strippers . Even though the exploitation factor and general context is not equal, it is about getting titillation from outside the relationship.

I would not have a problem with a black partner going to a show focusing on white racism. Because I know this is a fact and I need to understand that.

See the differences?