Partner supporting an artist with different views upsets me, am I being unreasonable?

[Robrob2424]

So my partner is supporting an artist and going along to a gig soon with her best friend who loves this artist...however I am fully against it....and I feel like I've lost a bit of respect for my partner over it...not sure what to do.

The artist that she is going to support is independent but mostly posts about how men are pathetic, how all straight men are cheaters, making jokes about how men should be dressed up in women's clothes and just in general putting men down and calling them scum....

I mean I have an issue with this as I'm a straight man...we aren't all cheaters, we don't deserve to be put down like that and labelled, I'm not exactly happy my partner is going to support this person even if it is her friends favourite artist....

If there was a guy going around calling people sl*ts, saying all women are cheaters and useless, I wouldn't support that either and I know my partner wouldn't be happy.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to stand up for my gender??

Ask your partner whether she sees you matching any of those descriptions.
She will say NO and you can say that is why you find the artist very offensive - to tarnish all men alike and so horribly.

Say how you feel about her supporting an artist who sees only terrible traits in all men. Ask if she feels that most men meet those very low standards.
She might have had some experiences that she has not shared with you, as yet.

You are right to feel as you do. As long as your partner respects you, values you and doesn't lump you with nasty men, then your only choice is to let her enjoy art work with her friend.
.

Is it CMAT?

You are a fan?

Do you believe your partner views you this way? The way this performer views men?

You really don't need to defend men as a group from this person's opinion of them and you don't need to feel personally defensive if you don't recognise yourself in their words.

Not particularly, I’ve not listened to her music but have read interviews and she seems sound. This is who you are talking about then?

If they are just the views of the comedian she's seeing then you need to let it go.

If they are her personal views, they don't align with yours and that causes you pain, then you need to let her go.

Why are you talking to us not her?

I mean there is still a divide between protestant and Catholics here which causes hatred towards English people...and of course the back stories,

Umm yes, the English did some monstrous things to the Irish, historically. Lots of peoples actually.

I've no problem with our name being mud with nations we fucked over, personally, I'm not offended by that. What was done in the past is why we're in the position we're in. I've never found as an individual that it was held against me (and I did marry into an Irish family).

It is indeed...the interviews are a bit different from the personality.... She's accused straight Irish men as well of cheating, she just has a thing for hating straight men....

https://x.com/cmatbaby/status/1747034911381274787

The transphobia coming from England and straight English men...being English is a bit of a crap thing as well

I’d never heard of her. Just added her album to my library 👍🏻

I think you’re missing her humour a bit. Also your girlfriend can do what she likes.

Why are you taking this all so personally?

If I went around posting on the internet every time a musician called a woman a bitch or a ho I'd never get anything else done.

It's an interesting question. I don't think one partner should stop another from going to see a performer who's views they don't agree with, that would be daft. Obviously you can say you don't want to see an artist yourself for whatever reason. You can also say you don't agree with the artist. Do you think a night out is going to turn your partner into a raging misandrist? Do you think no artist should ever voice the opinion that men are a bit shit?

This. Musically CMAT isn’t particularly my cup of tea, but I can’t imagine asking DH to not attend a gig because I didn’t like a tweet from that musician. How weak would your sense of self have to be in order to think CMAT is personally targeting you?

🤣🤣 oh god, you may have come at it from a different angle than your regular MRA, but there we go. Go right ahead and protect your 'gender' from women who are fucking done with the shit we deal with, and have for years. I'm sure your incel buddies will be patting you on the head and calling you a good boy, while you use being brought up with sisters as a defence to seem like a nice guy - all the while controlling your partner because of your personal views.

Have you never listened to music or watched a film or looked at a piece of art that's made by someone who is misogynistic? - just out of interest.

I understand why this would bother you.

Women have faced millenia of mysogny, bigotry, sexism, generalisation.

That doesn't mean it's OK to turn it around and fire the same at men. That isn't how progress happens.

I think men need to be aware of the issues that have been (and still are) faced by women, day to day, and to avoid jumping to being too sensitive when they have to face it themselves, however the answer to one part of society being downtrodden and discriminated against isn't to say it's OK to treat others the same way.

Progress comes only when everyone respects everyone, and we all avoid stereotypes and generalisations of all kinds.

Your gf is her own person, and it's up to her who she likes or follows. You are your own person, and if her likes make you go off her, then perhaps you're just not well suited and it's better to walk away for both your sakes.

If my DH went to a gig of someone who was sexist, mysognestic, made lazy generalisations, I'd think less of him. If he did it more than once / appeared to follow their ideals, then I couldn't stay with him.

Does your gf understand your concerns about this? Does she at least listen to your concerns?

I’ve just clicked that your girlfriend is Irish. I’d say the eyerolling she’s doing at the moment as you intensely analyse CMATs Twitter feed is immense. Keep going sir if you want her to get a serious ick

You are massively over thinking this and frankly coming across as a bit controlling.

Lighten up.

Lots of men have enjoyed music with degrading lyrics about women. Funnily enough nobody is policing their choices.

I like CMAT as a musician. She has huge on stage energy (saw her at a festival). I disagree with her on gender. I think her comment about Irish men was a joke. I think you're either an incredibly sensitive flower op or you have a weird agenda to control your partner via the medium of Mumsnet.

I doubt anyone thinks in such absolute terms, or why on earth it would bother you? Do you see it as a challenge to your identity or something? I'm a white English man (albeit entitled to an Irish passport) and I don't recognise these feelings of persecution you seem to be so upset about.

If you're not any of these generalisations, that in itself should be enough to counter them, it's not like we're structurally disadvantaged because of our sex or ethnicity.

You are not unreasonable to be offended by what this artist says/does.

Where you might be being a tad unreasonable is to assume that by going to this artist's gig, your dp is somehow under their spell, believes it all, and holds you and other men in contempt.

Well the artist is no Michael Jackson or R Kelly by the sound of it, so I think leave your partner to it.

It sounds to me that you see her as taking on this artists view as her own. I think this is a problem as I know for me, there are certain people I couldn't have in my life because of political or misogynistic views. For You it's misandry and its significant that you and your OH have fundamentally different views. It May sound dramatic, but I think that would be the beginning of the end for me, if I were you.

Get over yourself, you big fusspot.

I go to see artists I disagree with all the time. I am old enough and mature enough to be able to enjoy someone’s art without having to agree with all opinions they hold.

Hahahahaha

good one OP

That comment isn't accusing all men of being cheats is it?

From what I can see CMATs music is about an abusive relationship she was in as a late teen. Do you think she shouldn't be angry about her abusive relationship?

What do you do to combat the poor opinions people have of men? Other than say not all men?