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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will this sound bitchy? Prudish?

66 replies

MrsSnape · 04/04/2008 22:24

I have posted before about problems I am having with a bloke a my karate class.

For a quick re-cap - he hits me harder than he should, hits me in "personal" places when he should be nowhere near there and comes out with odd comments such as "ok, I'll be your rapist..." during partner work and "I tell myself to be cool around you but I can never manage it" last week he asked me for my phone number so that we can "practice karate" at weekends . I'm 27, he's nearly 50.

Anyway you all advised me last time to simply tell sensei about my concerns but I decided to just 'let it go' and hope he discontinues.

Anyway, tonight was horrendous. we had to do this "attack/defend" sequence...I was the attacker. It was a fast paced exercise designed for stamina etc and I had to keep punching him and he had to keep blocking...everyone else was doing it silently but he just started going mental shouting "come on, hit me...hurt me...hit me...come on...come on..." but he seemed to be getting REALLY turned on by it, it was horrible. In the end I just said I had headache and backed right off but I had to take part in the 2nd exercise and he was the same then "come on, oh yeah...come on..." and then he said "I'm getting far too much of a kick out of this...hit me, go on..." and he was getting really excited and coming really close to me and everything. It was starting to make me feel a bit sick and I've decided I cannot let this continue, this is worse than the physical stuff from before.

I do NOT want to quit karate, it means alot to me. How do I approach sensei? what do I say without sounding like a trouble causer? am I being a prude and making something out of nothing. He's really spoiling it for me. None of the other blokes there act like this.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 04/04/2008 22:25

he sounds revolting

tell your sensai exactly what you have said on this thread

you aren't being a trouble maker - it sounds harrasing and utterly inappropriate

paros · 04/04/2008 22:27

can you not just switch partners . i think he sounds like a right perve. Or as an after thought could you not find the worst perfume on the market really strong stuff and spray half the bottle on yourself just before class . LOL

LaComtesse · 04/04/2008 22:29

I'd tell the sensai - let them sort it out.

KerryMum · 04/04/2008 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miggsie · 04/04/2008 22:31

He is DISGUSTING.
Tell the sensai strightaway.
If there is no one else to partner, ask to partner the sensai, if he/she is halfway reasonable they will agree immediately.
There was a bloke who deliberately kicked me in the head in a fight as he thought I was getting "above myself".
He was disqualified for being a poor sport (he was a brown belt and I was a yellow at the time), and despite being unconcious I won the fight!
The others in the dojo told me he was a wanker, and he was!

This bloke will not stop, he thinks he is intimidating you, and you must not lose the fight mentally, as once you mentally give in you lose physically too.

Avoid him like the plague and if he asks why tell him he is a retard and a pervert in front of people.

jennifersofia · 04/04/2008 22:32

Not being prudish at all - it is all very off, and you should speak to sensei and explain what is happening and your feelings about it.

princessmel · 04/04/2008 22:33

Agree with everyone else. This sounds awful. How come you always are partnered with him??

SlartyBartFast · 04/04/2008 22:35

what a WAnker.

SlartyBartFast · 04/04/2008 22:35

is everyone else perfectly well behaved?

do you have to partner him?

PortAndLemon · 04/04/2008 22:37

(princessmel -- from old thread, they started at around the same time and are similar builds so tend to be partnered for sparring).

Just phrase it to the sensei the way you have phrased it here. You don't sound in the least prudish ot unreasonable.

moondog · 04/04/2008 22:38

OMG.
He wants whacking in the goolies with a rice flail.
Weird fucker.

princessmel · 04/04/2008 22:41

Thanks Port

Poor Mrs Snape.

Maybe she should wear some extra padding and say she's not the write build to be partnered with him now...Sorry

princessmel · 04/04/2008 22:41

OMG right not write. DUH!!

madamez · 04/04/2008 22:42

Tell the sensei. DON'T let this go on any longer. This man is a total arsehole and a bully with it - he is enjoying the fact that he is upsetting you. TBH men like this sometimes turn dangerous: they enjoy bullying women, they hate women and sometimes progress from this sort of low-level (only it isnlt low level at all, really) harassment where they think the woman will be too embarrassed to complain, to stalking and even attacking.
Mind you, how dopey is your sensei? If sensei is not a total prat he/she should have picked up on the discomfort you are feeling before now. Say to the sensei that Pratman seems to have some issues and that he is letting his issues affect his behaviour in the class and you would rather work with someone else. If the sensei asks for a further explanation, say that you think Pratman would be more comfortable working with another bloke, and that you are not prepared to be partnered with him any more as he seems to have a bad attitude towards women doing martial arts.

cyteen · 04/04/2008 22:44

I am sure your sensei will be extremely unhappy that someone is behaving in such a disrespectful way in their class, and will want to know so they can address the situation. Definitely tell them. I hope you get it sorted and this vile loser gets sorted out

Original poster
MrsSnape · 04/04/2008 22:45

Honestly, I have partnered with other blokes at the club from black belts to white belts and all of them have been really nice and profesional about it, even the younger ones (14,17, 18 etc).

He just drives me nuts, he's such a sleaze...we tend to partner because we both started at the same time and are the only adult white belts.

Last week he actually slapped me on the bum too as I walked away from him.

I just don't want sensei to think I'm a drama queen who is trying to disrupt his classes, especially as I see sensei every day away from karate.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 04/04/2008 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 04/04/2008 22:47

Where did my post go????

I said you will not sound at all prudish, or bitchy.

This cannot go on.

Refuse to be paired with this &%$£&*£ agin.

He is one seriously disturbed individual.

Carmenere · 04/04/2008 22:47

You are far too lady like. What you need to do is shout loudly in front of everyone 'FUCK OFF YOU PERVERT' and then shout loudly across the room 'SENSEI - I CAN'T WORK WITH THIS WEIRDO, CAN YOU PARTNER ME WITH SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE'??
Seriously though, this is part of your training, this situation is a level you have to get past to get to the next one. You are doing a MARTIAL art, it is about fighting, you have to fight this fecker and that involves sticking up for yourself. Do it, reclaim your training.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 04/04/2008 22:50

its not really the fault of the sensei, he doesnt put us together all the time, we just tend to end up toegther out of habit (everyone has their partners and if there is nobody left you just tend to go to the person you're usually with. Sensei has asked me how we're getting on and does seem to keep an eye on his from time to time...he did come across and tell him to relax during the whole "come on! hit me" business...

I know he lives on his own. He does remind me of someone who could turn stalkerish TBH, he's already asked for my phone number.

OP posts:
chirpycherrycake · 04/04/2008 22:50

This may be the cowardly way out, but I would ask the sensei if there are any other classes available, and just get out of there.
Explaining why would be a good idea too, but surely has someone else has noticed all this?
Good luck.

CarGirl · 04/04/2008 22:51

Tell your sensei you are not comfortable with the man and ask him to arrange for you to have other partners.

dittany · 04/04/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamez · 04/04/2008 22:53

What did you say when sensei asked how you were getting on with Pratman? If you get on with sensei, you should just explain the whole situation: Pratman is harassing you and acting like a stalker, and not fighting fairly. SO you will not work with him again.

Carmenere · 04/04/2008 22:56

I have been in your situation before but certainly not so extreme. But you basically have to make it more uncomfortable for him to misbehave in class and that involves shining a light on his unacceptable behaviour.