Will this sound bitchy? Prudish?

[MrsSnape]

I have posted before about problems I am having with a bloke a my karate class.

For a quick re-cap - he hits me harder than he should, hits me in "personal" places when he should be nowhere near there and comes out with odd comments such as "ok, I'll be your rapist..." during partner work and "I tell myself to be cool around you but I can never manage it" last week he asked me for my phone number so that we can "practice karate" at weekends . I'm 27, he's nearly 50.

Anyway you all advised me last time to simply tell sensei about my concerns but I decided to just 'let it go' and hope he discontinues.

Anyway, tonight was horrendous. we had to do this "attack/defend" sequence...I was the attacker. It was a fast paced exercise designed for stamina etc and I had to keep punching him and he had to keep blocking...everyone else was doing it silently but he just started going mental shouting "come on, hit me...hurt me...hit me...come on...come on..." but he seemed to be getting REALLY turned on by it, it was horrible. In the end I just said I had headache and backed right off but I had to take part in the 2nd exercise and he was the same then "come on, oh yeah...come on..." and then he said "I'm getting far too much of a kick out of this...hit me, go on..." and he was getting really excited and coming really close to me and everything. It was starting to make me feel a bit sick and I've decided I cannot let this continue, this is worse than the physical stuff from before.

I do NOT want to quit karate, it means alot to me. How do I approach sensei? what do I say without sounding like a trouble causer? am I being a prude and making something out of nothing. He's really spoiling it for me. None of the other blokes there act like this.

Bet he got thrown out of his last class for this behaviour.
Don't let him within 100 miles of a 14 year old girl.

What I dont understand is why he is still/ ever was,your partner. Just swap so you're with a normal partner, female if poss? Who decided you and him would pair up in the first place?

I think he is a weirdo who fancies you.

He is an utter freak.
Can you envisage carrying on as things are? I would imagine not, so in the nicest possible way - stop bleating and tell the Sensei.
It cant go on, can it? So it's the only option.

MrsSnape - you are NOT being oversensitive. Absolutely.

Last time you posted, I had concerns about this bloke, I thought he was a bully and was maybe harassing you.

Now, I am absolutely convinced that not only is he a bully, but he is a sexual deviant who you (and all other women) should actually be frightened of.

I am absolutely horrified that he thinks it is ok to treat you like this

you MUST tell the sensai immediately. If you think as you are talking that what you are saying sounds like you're being a bit oversensitive, you must tell the sensai that you are aware of how it sounds, but he must listen to you. Especially if there is a 14 year old involved - think about how confused you are about whether this is acceptable behaviour, and how confused a young girl would be!

This man must be stopped before he actually hurts someone.

I don't want to scare you, but I really do feel that this bloke is dangerous (so maybe I DO mean to scare you...)

Promise me you will not be alone with this man.

MrsSnape, yes I agree not getting a belt in your first year is very odd indeed. The sensai usually wants to encourage you to keep training and for motivation reasons you should IMO at least get white and yellow in the first 15 months. Once the katas become more elaborate you'll need more time. So yes, I think something wasn't right in that pervert's last club. Do you know where he was? Could you contact them and ask?

You are not being over-sensitive at all sweets. I'm very sorry to hear about the abuse. You have a gut instinct for a reason. All the women on here said they would feel exactly the same way. And even if there would be one person to say they didn't understand... AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND VIOLATED and that suffices for a complaint. A diary will help you to systematically chart the abuse and help you recover your memories. In my case I'm sure I blanked things so I wouldn't have to remember all the humiliations.

The guy sounds like a time-bomb, a woman hater, a pervert, deviant and trecherous. You are absolutely right, him screaming 'come hit me harder' is sick, just vile and should any adolescent women be involved they might be shocked into submission and not even register the abuse.

I am feeling sick just hearing that a monster like this is taking martial arts classes as it does enable you to know exactly where to hit and how to use fragile points in your partner's body to knock him/her out. I'm scared of thinking someone knowing how to hit you into unconsciousness is enjoying rapist fantasies and can easily over-power you.

I cannot understand why your sensai has not taken action as of yet and allows him extra sparring lessons with him. I will be keeping my fingers crossed fr you on Tuesday. Don't let him talk the significance of what's happened, down. YOU feel unsafe and that guy is uttering sick requests and doesn't obey the rules of semi contact Karate. IMO, him saying he used to do full contact is just a PATHETIC excuse. If you're such a bloody ace, then why do you not have control over your limbs??? He's made up an excuse to keep punching you. This is not acceptable, if he cannot respect semi-contacts rules he has to leave for a full contact class again. Maybe he should partner the sensai for a while if he needs that lesson.

Don't feel bad about suggesting the partnering in the 1st place. You were reacting objectively but now that he's shown his true face you have decided (say that, makes your statement final) you will not partner him anymore because of his behaviour.

Most importantly, stick to your guns dear. We're all backing you. This is not normal behaviour and has nothing to do with 'playing rough'. It is sick, derogatory and deviant behaviour. Take it from some of the girls here that did martial arts. We know what's what.

Good luck!!

Thanks again for the replies.

Reason I end up partnering with him is that its not a really big class. The majority of the class are brown belts and all have their regular partners that they've trained with for years. The rest are young teens and little kids who again all have their partners organised. Me and this other bloke are the only low ranked adults there.

Alexa, its funny you should say that about sensei partnering with him, he did that a few weeks ago and ended up hurting him I'm sure he did it on purpose too.

He's just far too touchy feely too, like last lesson I hurt my finger (my own fault, nails too long) and he was really over the top about it, cupping my hands into his etc, I said I was fine immediately but its just OTT reactions like that all the time.

I thought he was gay initially which I suppose is why I felt more comfortable partnering with him than I do now.

A little off topic...but Alexa, are you a black belt? It's my all time dream to reach that!

Oh I see, MrsSnape, so it's a very diverse class. To reiterate what I mentioned before, do you happen to know where he was before and how come he left that class? My feelings tell me there was a rift, too, maybe even an incident.

Good on the sensei, I hope he kicked that pervert in his lumpy bollocks.

I was holding the violet belt which in Germany is the front runner of the lowest brown belt. I really enjoyed training and I had the most flexible/bendable body, great muscle tone, etc. Sadly after a twisted knee at a skiing accident I was no longer able to quickly kick and retract.

God, he sounds grim. FWIW, whether you have been abused as a child or not, don't ever doubt your own instincts about these things. You are not 'accusing' him of anything, you are saying that a) he makes you feel deeply uncomfortable(which he does) and that b) his behaviour is inappropriate (which it is).

Good luck with the situation and hope it gets sorted.

I can't remember to be honest, I think the style was Kyokushinkai and I know roughly where the dojo was. He said he left through "politics" and said it was a very unhappy place He never actually goes into it though, just brushes it off as if to say "it was crap there anyway".

Did you say anything in the end?

Mrs Snape,how are you getting on with Mr Nasty?

I was thinking of you over the weekend as I ferried ds from Karate to Tae Kwondo (or maybe the other way round)

Did you say anything to the sensei?

Abuse thrives on secrecy. You must talk to the sensai as a matter of extreme urgency. If you say nothing, he will see this as a green light to continue and has done.

This is all about power and control. No surprise at all to read he was no good in the other class; he could not hack it there either. This man hates all women and is a menace.

God this guy makes me want to puke, I'm amazed you haven't kicked him in the nackers on purpose, I certainly would've done if I knew how to do Karate, or certainly had him by the throat when he hit your arse, disgusting behaviour, and clearly he is such a perv!

Eeew, a martial meathead! Brings disgrace to the art when people of this disposition are able to continue abusing training, therefore becoming equipped to potentially do lethal physical damage.

Personally, I'd consider changing dojo/sensei/instructor due to this. I'd hope for an instructor with far more awareness of the the characters of the people they teach and therefore equip! On the other hand, if you have given the impression that this mas is not so bad, maybe your instructor has placed his own instincts aside for now? I'm the worlds worst for saying things are fine when actually, they aren't! I hope you've managed to talk with your sensei? Please give him the information to allow him an informed decision over how to deal with this and if he's worth his salt, he'll thank you.

Luckily for me, when such a meathead joined my group, his mysoginistic behaviour became apparent to my instructor within a few minutes of soft contact drills with me. With a nod and a wink, he passed this guy to each of my Kung Fu brothers in turn for a gentle pasting. He didn't come back

Aside from what you know of this mans behaviour towards you, trust your instincts! They are valid and important in any martial art, as it goes.

most gut feelings are correct. Your gut feeling is that he's a pervert. Go to your sensei straight away. If you're feeling really tough ask for a private meeting with the 3 of you. Your sensei could act as mediator. Voice your concerns calmly and see that bloke squirm. Get a record of it, ask for a new partner and if he tries it on with another woman, he will have a known history already. After that avoid him completely. He's nothing more than a bully. Godd luck.

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