I left my husband in June after simply falling out of love, he was initially heartbroken but has since said it was the right decision and we have been very amicable.
In August our teenage son was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer and I took sick leave to look after him full time. The day after we were told he was sadly terminal, my husband went up to his home town for 4 days saying he needed to sort out paperwork with his mum. I was upset with this and when he returned I told him that I was disappointed that he left me with our devastated children to deal with the news, he apologised. Unfortunately our son passed away at the end of April and 2 days after my husband went up north again for 4 days and left me and our daughter with no support. For context, we are an army family and so I only live here due to my marriage and my family are also up north. We had our son's Celebration of Life on Friday and on Monday he went up north again, my sister travelled up with him in the car and he told her about his new girlfriend who he met in March but didn't give her name.
I asked my daughter if she new about dad's girlfriend and she said she just knew that her name is Anne (not real name). I said that's funny because he went out with an Anne years ago. My daughter already knew how Anne was a girl he went out with when we had a 2 year break from our relationship in our twenties. He told me she would kick, bite, slap and spit on him. He pushed her once in self defence and she called the police on him and he was arrested. When he was taken to the police station they were concerned about his injuries and he was taken to hospital. She caused damage to his car, would constantly phone his mother and demand to know where he was, made up stories about him and he lost all his friends. Whenever he tried to end the relationship she would threaten to kill herself. She was eventually kicked out of the army due to drugs and we got back together, got married and had our family and she has always hated me for that. She would message him occasionally and he would tell her to fuck off. Everything I know about her is what he has told me through the years, and he has received therapy for the trauma.
On Monday he was with her, and my husband blocked me out of the blue on all social media and WhatsApp. We had had a discussion just that morning regarding the collection of our son's ashes. He sent an email that evening saying this is how we communicate from now on and told me he wouldn't be paying me a penny for anything. I responded asking where has this all come from and that he will have to pay maintenance etc and that I was sorry it had come to this.
I told my sister his girlfriend's name is Anne, she contacted my husband to say thanks for the lift and asked if his new girlfriend is the ex girlfriend and he said yes, she's changed, they've talked everything through and she's a lovely person now. My sister looked her up on FB and she has written a FB status about me, calling me a crazy person who sends crazy emails and how her and her gorgeous new boyfriend had spent the morning laughing about it, this woman is around my age - 40! It doesn't seem like she has changed at all. This was on the day I got my son's ashes.
The reason I am writing here is that I am concerned. He would never in a million years go back to her, but yet he has, just as he is going through the worst time in his life. He's blocked all my family, our daughter is unhappy that he has gone back to someone who has treated him so badly and he doesn't seem to care. He wants them to meet, and I have said no. Am I being unreasonable? Our daughter is 17 and has said she can't have a relationship with her dad when he is with her. I am worried that his self-esteem is on the floor and I spoke to his brother with my concerns and he just said people grow and change. Do they?
I am so heartbroken. I am grieving the loss of my son and now the only other person who understands and was there with us while he took his last breath won't communicate with me. I don't think he's thinking straight. Is there even anything I can do? Should I be doing anything or should I let him get on with it? Am I right to be so concerned or is my grief clouding my judgement? My husband is normally a good man, I just can't believe this is happening.