Birthday and husband - feeling a bit miffed

[Irion]

I'm two weeks postpartum so it might be hormones speaking, but I am really disappointed!

My husband got me nothing, no cake, no gift, for my birthday except a blank birthday card (he didn't have a pen on him). He did take me to the mall to window shop when he saw me feeling down (it was either that or he takes me for a drive to celebrate)

He's usually big on (other people's) birthdays and always goes out his way to choose gifts for his friends and family weeks or months in advance. Very carefully picked gifts. Plan big birthday celebrations, nice activities, etc... he even took his female friend on a road trip to celebrate her birthday, he spent hours designing a birthday card for his ex on Photoshop for instance, etc...
Even his birthdays are big and he expects a celebration. He has birthdays in venues with his friends, I usually offer him gifts I have thought about a lot, weekends abroad, etc...
So it's not like he's not big on birthdays at all.

I just feel like he is losing interest!

Am I overreacting?

Leave!

You don't deserve any of this. You really don't, especially 2 weeks post partum, but even if you weren't, you DON'T.DESERVE.THIS.

I would happily bring you over a lovely cake, a nice glass of fizz and a scented candle with some flowers just because. I have never even met you but I can see you're a woman who in serious need of TLC and a bit of care, and as another woman who has felt the way you probably are now, I honestly wish someone had done that for me when I was at my lowest.

People can tell you to leave, but it isn't that easy. You are doing the mental gymnastics here though to justify why this MIGHT be ok and why you MIGHT be just being unreasonable, but honestly, you aren't at all. He is a neglectful narcissist (google it) and he's going to destroy your self esteem if you allow it. Please please please don't personalise this, even though I know very well that you probably are, you're probably asking what you did to mean you don't get what everyone else does.

Well, the thing is that he's already got you, you're "trapped" (or so he thinks) and he doesn't have to pay attention to what he's got, so he puts his attention in getting supply from other areas because you're old faithful and he can go back to you any time, he has learned that you'll accept crumbs (just like the ducks) and you won't say anything.

My fantasy for you would be to internalise this message:

"I am worth more than this, what he is doing is to do with him and not me, it is not my fault that he behaves this way, I want more for my child and for myself".

And then I fantasise that you would believe it, and one day he'd come home and you'd be gone and that you'd stay with people who love and care for you, that you'd tell them everything and that the next contact he got from you was from your solicitor.

He is a POS.

@roses321 you sum this up in the kindness and most excellent way. I can relate to this after being neglected for most of my birthdays with ExH. I’m now with someone who makes such a fuss on my birthday, it actually blows me away!
@Irion I really hope you are ok and are getting some comfort and perspective from all the posters on here. We know it’s hard as you have a baby and are adjusting your whole life and he’s probably not supporting you. Let us know how you are when you feel ready x

Did you agree to marry him before or after the ' feeding the ducks ' birthday ?
as he was clearly showing you who he was then, and your importance ( or not ! ) to him

Umm so he doesn’t pay attention to you, doesn’t make any effort, would rather watch a movie with friends than be with you WHILE IN LABOUR, would like to spend his paternity leave travelling to a cousins wedding, obviously without you and baby, and is going to move abroad for work without you.

He sounds completely checked out. Clearly doesn't respect you much. With men, we should pay less attention to what they say and more to what they do.

Protect yourself and your baby. You can't count on him.