Birthday and husband - feeling a bit miffed

[Irion]

I'm two weeks postpartum so it might be hormones speaking, but I am really disappointed!

My husband got me nothing, no cake, no gift, for my birthday except a blank birthday card (he didn't have a pen on him). He did take me to the mall to window shop when he saw me feeling down (it was either that or he takes me for a drive to celebrate)

He's usually big on (other people's) birthdays and always goes out his way to choose gifts for his friends and family weeks or months in advance. Very carefully picked gifts. Plan big birthday celebrations, nice activities, etc... he even took his female friend on a road trip to celebrate her birthday, he spent hours designing a birthday card for his ex on Photoshop for instance, etc...
Even his birthdays are big and he expects a celebration. He has birthdays in venues with his friends, I usually offer him gifts I have thought about a lot, weekends abroad, etc...
So it's not like he's not big on birthdays at all.

I just feel like he is losing interest!

Am I overreacting?

Read your post back, imagine it's a friend you know. If this post is real and not just click sit because there are so many red flags! Get your finances in order - he's a man baby and most likely a cheat. You deserve better.

@Irion You deserve much, much better than this loser. Take time whilst you're healing from birthing to consider what you want, and what future you want for your child. They deserve better too.

What’s the point of being married if your husband is only going to see you a few times a year?
and after a newborn baby as well? So you are basically going to be left to bring up this newborn all on your own . do you work?
The baby is going to grow up, not knowing who he is
can you trust him? Living abroad?
tell him exactly how you feel
I could never be with somebody who lives abroad what is the point
sounds like he has checked out of the relationship. He knows he is going abroad and doesn’t have to deal with you or the baby anymore.
He’s keeping you sweet by visiting now and again
even deadbeat dads see the kids more than that
sorry I’m not trying to make you feel terrible, but open your eyes as you said they were closed
why can’t he find a job in the country you live in ? You have a new baby together
what about your emotional support you need Love too
as others have said, you should sit down with him mention the birthday thing yes but also you have much bigger problems to talk about other than that
how long is he going to be working abroad for?

Please start planning your escape. There are so many red flags it's like a bloody festival! I would also worry about extra marital affairs. Hes making so much more effort wih other women! You need to start thinking about you and your baby's life. You both deserve so much better!

I doubt the ex is an ex - she could also be current. But if its not her, he will be with someone else while abroad.
It's about time you stopped burying your head in the sand. He's moved on while still married in name, only you have not got the memo. The more examples you give, the more obvious it is. Beats me why on earth you've had a baby by him?
The only sensible answer is divorce. He's probably intending on hiding his assets abroad and been planning to leave you for a long time. Get as much info as you can as to what he owns before he goes.
Do you work? Can you support yourself? You might find you never see him again once he has gone. Do you own the house you live in?
Get a solicitor onto it ASAP, it's the only way to have a chance of getting what you are entitled to for your DC's future.

It sounds like hes in love with the other girl. Whatever the reason,hes just not that into you Im sorry. Agree with other posters here , you need to ditch him as soon as.Need ducks lined up neatly .Reach out to family and friends for support.Sending love and hugs to you

He sounds like an utter shit bag.

When he goes abroad I'd be getting my ducks in a row and leaving.

Fuck him and the shitty family / friend group he rode in on. You and your DD deserve better.

Definitely divorce. Get a good lawyer and they will advice you. Make sure your child is covered then cut off. He is not someone I would call a life partner.

You know you shouldn't be with him. He doesn't make you happy. Go see a lawyer and formulate a plan to get him out of your life ASAP. Then start living. You will be happier.

I don’t think he’s worth it and he sounds like an asshole. I’d divorce him because you’re not going to hardly see him anyway. He doesn’t care about you or your baby or at least he doesn’t care enough. You deserve better.

@Irion having read all your posts OP I am really confused why you are still with him and why you have a child with him?

he is absolutely awful. I would have dropped after the stunt on your first birthday with him!

you need to leave him now. sort out CM etc. divorce him while he is still in the country

Was the marriage a registered UK marriage, OP? Because it sounds as if the ‘ex’ is still the ‘real ‘ wife, and his family seem to think so too. (let’s not go into the road trip ‘friend’).

If this is a legal marriage , you need to start taking steps to end it, because it’s very much a one way commitment. If it isn’t, get some woman’s aid to make sure he isn’t still using you to access this country .

Bloody hell, @Irion he doesn’t really like you much, does he? What is the point of him?

Feeling a bit miffed

Is that all you feel? A bit miffed? Where is your anger? Your self respect?

Bloody hell the bar is so low it's buried way under the ground - I hope you have access to money OP as he will soon be pissing off abroad and potentially leaving you high and dry!

You know he is being out of order, you don’t need to ask here

also I am 80% sure he is shagging someone else

Sorry OP but you sound like you've put up with being treated like shit for a long time in this relationship ☹️ and now you've had a baby with a man who doesn't care about you or his child by the sounds of it. Open your eyes and get some self respect and kick him out. He's a useless wanker 🤷‍♀️

I'm so sad to read how you've been treated OP, your husband is a malevolent narcissist. Those actions on your birthday were strategic to make you feel worthless. He's a cruel POS.

I don't even think it's worth trying to talk and reason with him, he's beyond help.

You need to put you and your baby first now and start a happier, more peaceful life without him.

Wow what a prick! Not even a card and gift from the baby?? I’m sorry that is rubbish and I’m not surprised you are upset. When it’s his bday do the same and see how he likes it

Sometimes I read posts on here and think ‘That cannot be real’….. this is one of them!!

It really sounds like this relationship is over, I'm so sorry but these are very basic requirements of a partner. I think, you could sit and explain how these things make you feel BUT why doesn't he WANT to do it. He should be super excited for his pat leave, he should be looking forward to spoiling you and planning nice surprises for your birthday. It doesn't have to be expensive or lavish, but he should want to do something special to celebrate you and how much you mean to him.
I think you should try and get out of this relationship, once you're able to (appreciate you'll be busy with a new baby). I'd plan my escape (slowly and calmly to ensure it works for you and is at a time that means you're ok), you deserve someone who loves and treasures you. Handing you a blank card - absolute nope.

That was the point when you should have run for the hills, not tied yourself to him by having a baby. He doesn't love, consider or respect you - that much is clear. Time for you think carefully about what you want. Do you really want to be sat at home, waiting for him to make his random occasional visits.? What more will it take?

I could say why did you marry him, he sounds very self centred and not interested in you or your baby. But the fact you are married - screw him financially for all you can get though the divorce he needs to at very least fund his child.

O M G this is very bad.
This would devastate me. He has issues. I should make A Mental note about how he treats your celebration and PLAN SOMETHING INCREDIBLE WITHOUT HIM. .....something which lasts and lasts a while week away without him.

I’m worried for the OP. I hope all this isn’t too hard to read. It must be a lot to process. I think everyone is right but don’t blame yourself. It can happen to anyone. It’s so subtle and it builds so slowly. So please OP, look after yourself, make sure he doesn’t see this thread, find people you TRUST (not always family members, can be proven friends) and even though it’s hard, tell them. Secretly speak to a solicitor. Figure out what you might be entitled to and where you could go. You don’t have to do anything sudden just start building up knowledge. Wishing you all the very best.