Husband been getting STI test without telling me

[Absolutenoidea]

I'm a little confused and panicking, would like your opinion.

Recently my husband used my laptop for some reason, logged into his email and didn't log out. I couldn't resist the temptation to have a sneak look and there was nothing interesting, thankfully, but some test results from the doctor. Turned out that he's been getting chlamydia & gonorrhea test every year since June 2021. Once he got hep b & syphilis test too. So there were 4 tests in the last 4 years, of which all was negative. I'm not sure if he had done it before 2021 as that was the last record on the weblink, maybe he did in another clinic or was his very first time who knows. Thing is that he has never told me about this.

Quick summary of him and us - we have been together since Feb 2017, got married in Apr 2021. Like everyone else we've had our ups and downs but neither of us has ever cheated on each other (to my knowledge), neither has any issue regarding 'there is someone else' kind of stuff. And I doubt he has as for the past 7 years he always leaves same time and comes back home same time from work (although I wouldn't know what he's up to at work), we both are introverts so have no friends so always spend time together and he's never tried to hide his mobile or PC from me etc. So my question is why he would get the test every year if I'm the only one he's having sex with? And not telling me?

I did some looking up and found 'Many doctors recommend that all people who have more than one sex partner should be tested for chlamydia regularly,' or 'If you're a man, sexually active and under 25 in England, it's recommended that you have a chlamydia test once a year if you are not using condoms with new or casual partners.' I'm pretty sure, I hope, I'm his only sex partner and we have always used condoms. Actually we're talking about a baby though so maybe won't be using condom soon.

Is it common for a guy to get the chlamydia & gonorrhea for I don't know, keeping good sexual health? If it is, why would he not tell me? Maybe this will help but he's British and I'm from Far East Asia and I just din’t know it's not uncommon in Britain? Or am I simply being pathetic and he's been shagging different people all this time?

He's either shagging other people or he thinks you are
Absolutely no reason for someone in a monogamous relationship to get these tests every year

I mean... It sounds like sex workers. Noone gets this unless they are having sex with multiple partners. I'd try to keep quiet and do some digging. So sorry xx

Sorry OP, but he is absolutely sleeping with other people. There is no other logical explanation. Sorry.

Yep my first thought was prostitutes.

Oh that looks really bad, doesn't it?

My XH was having an affair with someone at work - they were both married and didn't often meet outside work. Whatever is going on with your husband, it sounds as though it's been going on for years.

Be prepared for all sorts of ridiculous reasons why he has had these tests.

Maybe when you first get into a relationship but not afterwards when you remain in that same relationship, unless you are having sex with other people. Or, if he thinks his partner is not being faithful. What's your take? You know if you are faithful, so if you are then the only reason for him having tests is because he is not.

I agree about the prostitutes rather than someone at work, actually - if he was in a relationship with one other woman, he wouldn't be likely to be testing. It sounds as though he might be testing every time he's been with someone.

Do you have access to a joint bank account? Can you check the dates and see whether he drew cash out then?

Chercher la femme

Hhhmmmmm he either thinks you're sleeping around or he is - I can't see any other reason for regularly testing?

Sex workers?

Check for regular cash payments

instantly thought sex workers…more digging needed OP

No change in working patterns means nothing unless you have trackers open on his phone.

Are they at the same time every year and do they happen to coincide with a 'work trip ' or something?

DH & I have been married over 35 years and neither of us have ever felt the need to be tested for an STI.

Why? Because we're faithful to each other.

You need to get your head out of the sand and examine his behaviour closely. Then examine the state of your marriage and whether you think he values it. And you.

Really sorry but I instantly thought sex workers too OP

Sex workers, he will feed you loads of lines though to wriggle out of it.

And I don't think he's getting tested regularly because he thinks you're cheating. He'd have confronted you about that already.

Only useful (I hope it's useful) contribution I can share is that last year when my partner noticed a bit of a change he had a tactful conversation with me to say he hadn't been up to anything untoward and asked if we could both go and get tested.
All open and above board.
I'd suspect something if I noticed results.

Also, happy to be shot down but why are you checking his emails?

On the sex worker thing - wouldn't you test more than annually if it was that?

He's having regular sex outside of your marriage.

It's hugely unlikely he'd be getting tested year after year, not saying anything, living a normal life with you just having sti checkups annually because he thought you were unfaithful!

The most likely explanation is he is having sex that is considered high risk. My guess would be prostituted people.

Ah op that's not a nice find I'm sorry.

Two things spring to my mind, one would be that yes he's got another sexual partner and you need to do some digging.

The second thing which is not uncommon is that he's been a victim of sexual abuse or rape at some point and this is part of him coming to terms with that. I work with a number of young women who will repeatedly do STI tests as a result of childhood SA even though they're always clear and they're not currently sexually active.

I think you need to do a bit of digging behind the scenes first before he suspects he knows though.

Unless he only does this once a year hence my 'work trip ' question .
Doesn't look good op
Sorry this is happening

There is no logical explanation other than he’s out shagging left right and centre. Some very niche jobs would insist on a yearly medical, but that would include everything like blood pressure, cholesterol, blood count, not just STIs. But I’m guessing he’s not an elite athlete or in the SAS or anything??

My first thought went straight to prostitutes. And to me, it sounds like he's a regular user of prostitutes and just gets himself a yearly check-up.

When me and DH first got together, I refused to have sex without a condom until we'd both had a full STI check. This is because I'd been cheated on by the ex who subsequently passed on two STIs to me (that's how I discovered his cheating).

But after that, and we both had the all-clear, I still took the pill but we ditched the condoms. We agreed to be exclusive and only have sex with each other.

There have been no STI checks since then. Or condoms. And that was 15 yrs ago. Why would we need to if we've only been with each other?

I'm sorry OP, but this smacks of someone who isn't being faithful.

I'm sorry, OP. It does sound like he's using sex workers.