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Original poster

Husband been getting STI test without telling me

63 replies

Absolutenoidea · 21/05/2024 18:30

I'm a little confused and panicking, would like your opinion.

Recently my husband used my laptop for some reason, logged into his email and didn't log out. I couldn't resist the temptation to have a sneak look and there was nothing interesting, thankfully, but some test results from the doctor. Turned out that he's been getting chlamydia & gonorrhea test every year since June 2021. Once he got hep b & syphilis test too. So there were 4 tests in the last 4 years, of which all was negative. I'm not sure if he had done it before 2021 as that was the last record on the weblink, maybe he did in another clinic or was his very first time who knows. Thing is that he has never told me about this.

Quick summary of him and us - we have been together since Feb 2017, got married in Apr 2021. Like everyone else we've had our ups and downs but neither of us has ever cheated on each other (to my knowledge), neither has any issue regarding 'there is someone else' kind of stuff. And I doubt he has as for the past 7 years he always leaves same time and comes back home same time from work (although I wouldn't know what he's up to at work), we both are introverts so have no friends so always spend time together and he's never tried to hide his mobile or PC from me etc. So my question is why he would get the test every year if I'm the only one he's having sex with? And not telling me?

I did some looking up and found 'Many doctors recommend that all people who have more than one sex partner should be tested for chlamydia regularly,' or 'If you're a man, sexually active and under 25 in England, it's recommended that you have a chlamydia test once a year if you are not using condoms with new or casual partners.' I'm pretty sure, I hope, I'm his only sex partner and we have always used condoms. Actually we're talking about a baby though so maybe won't be using condom soon.

Is it common for a guy to get the chlamydia & gonorrhea for I don't know, keeping good sexual health? If it is, why would he not tell me? Maybe this will help but he's British and I'm from Far East Asia and I just din’t know it's not uncommon in Britain? Or am I simply being pathetic and he's been shagging different people all this time?

OP posts:
Blahahahah · 22/05/2024 21:49

Or picking people up off the fab/tinder type sites.

LifeExperience · 22/05/2024 21:50

He's having an affair, OP.

TroysMammy · 22/05/2024 21:59

Why would he use condoms with his wife but not use condoms with a stranger/affair partner/prostitute and put himself at risk of catching a STI?

C1N1C · 22/05/2024 22:08

Doesn't look good, but out of the box question...

Is he a hypochondriac?

I am a bit, and have tested for really simple things like scraping my leg on a rusty spring on a bus. Could he just be like that?

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 22/05/2024 22:31

NorthUtsireSouthUtsire · 22/05/2024 13:27

I don't actually think you have need to worry OP. but it does depend on where /how you met.

I lived in SE Asia for many years!. The male European with a female from say Thailamd/Vietnam/Cambodia combo is extremely common. However with the exception of a few academic institutions and the occasional NGO .. the MoST common way for you to have met would be as a 'bar girl' (no judgement here - it's a job like any other when your economic prospects are poor) .. so if this was how you met - and despite many years of monogamy, I would expect he is just being careful in case you have some latent infection. He probably hasn't told you as he doesn't want to embarrass you.

I married a Malay man and was still testing for HIV regularly ten years later- as he had been in the army and had 'home made' (almost certainly shared needle) tattoos ..

But this is MN so of course the ONLY explanation can be infidelity.

I can barely believe you typed that. Telling the OP that ‘the most likely’ reason she met her DH is that she was a sex worker.

Littlestminnow · 22/05/2024 23:25

Odiebay · 21/05/2024 18:35

I mean... It sounds like sex workers. Noone gets this unless they are having sex with multiple partners. I'd try to keep quiet and do some digging. So sorry xx

My first thought too. He's seeing escorts, and having unprotected sex.

Ariela · 23/05/2024 17:37

Does he have an annual health MOT provided by his work, which also checks for STIs? (In which case where is the summary of other results?

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 23/05/2024 17:38

Screamingabdabz · 21/05/2024 18:37

Yep my first thought was prostitutes.

Same

andthat · 06/03/2025 21:20

NorthUtsireSouthUtsire · 22/05/2024 13:27

I don't actually think you have need to worry OP. but it does depend on where /how you met.

I lived in SE Asia for many years!. The male European with a female from say Thailamd/Vietnam/Cambodia combo is extremely common. However with the exception of a few academic institutions and the occasional NGO .. the MoST common way for you to have met would be as a 'bar girl' (no judgement here - it's a job like any other when your economic prospects are poor) .. so if this was how you met - and despite many years of monogamy, I would expect he is just being careful in case you have some latent infection. He probably hasn't told you as he doesn't want to embarrass you.

I married a Malay man and was still testing for HIV regularly ten years later- as he had been in the army and had 'home made' (almost certainly shared needle) tattoos ..

But this is MN so of course the ONLY explanation can be infidelity.

Wtf?!
you have just massively stereotyped a whole nation of south Asian women…. And the OP isn’t even from there!

Sassybooklover · 06/03/2025 21:38

If he's been having yearly tests for these particular STI, then my first reaction is that he's visiting sex workers. It's not normal for anyone in a stable, loving, long-term relationship to be having yearly STI tests - regardless of their nationality! Someone visiting sex workers or having multiple sexual partners, may want these tests, but otherwise there's no logical reason. If he was having the tests because he thought you were cheating, then surely he'd have made it known he thought you were! Not just have yearly tests and keep quiet. Whatever the reason OP, it doesn't sound good.

TY78910 · 06/03/2025 21:42

Is it just me or is this thread from nearly a year ago? The dates show May 2024 and then when I go to reply and click 'see original post' it says Today 😅

Sassybooklover · 06/03/2025 21:44

TY78910 · 06/03/2025 21:42

Is it just me or is this thread from nearly a year ago? The dates show May 2024 and then when I go to reply and click 'see original post' it says Today 😅

OMG! Yes, you're correct! Original post is from May 2024!! I didn't notice that!!

Ecstaticmotion · 09/03/2025 22:57

I would think he may be seeing sex workers during working hours.

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