AIBU?

[Jimmy21]

My new partner of about 5 months, shares friends with his ex wife. They are a couples friendship group going back 20 years.

My partner and his ex wife have been divorced for 15 years now but they have kids together and occasionally socialise together with this friend group.

There is a party of one of these friends and my partner and I have been invited, at first I said I didn’t want to go and he got upset with me as his friends are important to him. But after talking to a few family and friends I’ve decided to go.

AIBU to wish he didn’t have this friend group?

For a bit of back story his ex wife cheated on him, and the friend group stuck by her and of course my partner was supported by them too at the time. I feel like I will never be truly accepted into the group as his ex is there.

if you don’t want to go, don’t

but sounds like you’ll be carving quite a wedge ln your relationship

how old are the children? have you met them?

have you met them?

will you get in an arse if he chooses to go alone?

5 poxy months and you’re stamping your feet about a 20 year friendship group

i suspect your new relationship won’t go beyond”new”

I’m going to go but don’t really want to.

they are teenagers, yes I’ve met them, they stay with us every weekend

Definitely not, I’m fine with him going alone but he really want me to go too

you’re living together after 5 months??!

do you have children?

go then

but not looking for problems

’stay with us’, surely you don’t live together after 5 months?

Aside from that. These are his friends. If you don’t want to go don’t.

But that is likely to cause issues. His ex wife is in his friendship circle, that’s it. If you don’t like that, then now is the time to walk away.

Because either you will end up resent not being included and they will cause problems as a result you would either split or he would feel he has to give long term friendship to make you happy which is really not ok.

These are long term friends who have been part of his life for years.

You aren't living together after 5 months surely??

You can't expect him to break friendships he's had for 20 years. Not sure why you'd want him to either. Would you drop friends of 20 years? Let alone for someone you've known for 5 months, because they thought you shouldn't have old friends who also know your ex.

You must feel his ex is a threat for this to be bothering you.

You're his new gf. They've invited you along. He wants you to go. There shouldn't be any drama in it.

But if you don't want to go - don't. Just don't give him grief for going / for seeing his ex there / for having old friends that don't know you.

i doubt the op will be back!!

not Officially living together but he spends a lot of time at mine. My child and his child are very close and love spending time together.

I don’t expect him to break his friendships, I wouldn’t dream of asking him that.

I don’t feel his ex is a threat, they are very much just co parents. She has a long term boyfriend also.

I encourage him to socialise with his friends (the group in question and other friends) as I think this is healthy.

my question is AIBU to wish this wasn’t the case that his ex is best friends with his best friends? I’m not going to act on my disappointment, I just wondered if anyone else would feel similar to how I feel.

so his teens spend every weekend at their dad’s new girlfriend’s place?

i don’t think many of us would have a man they’ve known for 5 mths staying at theirs most of the time when they have a child themselves

and his teens come and stay every weekend ? at yours??

im now waiting for the backtracking….

his youngest must be at least 16!

You will find that many on here frown upon meeting kids and moving in within 5 years and that you have to keep everything secret for ages too!

Yes, I think you are being a bit unreasonable. They have been split for ages, and share a friend group. There will be events by ex wife will be at, it doesn't bother me (events though rather than a friendship group). It will be awkward at first but I would just go

@Dadjoke007

its 5 months not years
and there’s children involved

I just realised that! Lol! We actually met each others kids after a few weeks, and we’ve met each others parents! Ooooo naughty me.

we are both in our 40s, kids are over 16 and there is plenty of room for all of us at mine. We all get on , it’s been lovely so far, I’m not delusional that there is bound to be arguments in the future. You only live once so we are cracking on.

as for the friend situation, you are totally right. Thank you

I’m pretty sure he meant years, as in it’s unpopular on her to do that before 5 years

yes i know
but it was a daft analogy

as he’s all over mumsnet about how his relationship of 9 months has very suddenly gone tits up

We actually met each others kids after a few weeks, and we’ve met each others parents! Ooooo naughty me.

nah just reckless and a but selfish

and i suspect at this party you’ll be in a real arse and it will end in an argument

i look forward to the name change and the new thread post party! 😆

20 plus years of close friendship

and his new girlfriend of a poxy 5 months is getting twitchy

i hope he doesn’t tell anyone at the party for your sake because then you can be sure they’ll be gossiping about you!

So you're blending families after a few weeks and you’re jealous of his long term friendship circle?

Presumably he’s paying his way when him and his young adult kids roll up at yours every weekend?

Op why are 16 year olds, "playing together"?

No not blending families, just introduced our teenagers to each other. Think they can handle it. No not jealous , just wish his best friends weren’t connected to his ex so I could get close to them in time.

yes he does