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Original poster

AIBU?

71 replies

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 16:06

My new partner of about 5 months, shares friends with his ex wife. They are a couples friendship group going back 20 years.

My partner and his ex wife have been divorced for 15 years now but they have kids together and occasionally socialise together with this friend group.

There is a party of one of these friends and my partner and I have been invited, at first I said I didn’t want to go and he got upset with me as his friends are important to him. But after talking to a few family and friends I’ve decided to go.

AIBU to wish he didn’t have this friend group?

For a bit of back story his ex wife cheated on him, and the friend group stuck by her and of course my partner was supported by them too at the time. I feel like I will never be truly accepted into the group as his ex is there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 18:57

Bbq1 · 21/05/2024 18:31

Op why are 16 year olds, "playing together"?

Show quote history

I actually said ‘spending time together’. Doing each other’s makeup, listening to music, going shopping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:00

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 16:45

i don’t think many of us would have a man they’ve known for 5 mths staying at theirs most of the time when they have a child themselves

and his teens come and stay every weekend ? at yours??

im now waiting for the backtracking….

Edited

No I’m sure not many would admit it on here, because they’d have you to deal with 😂

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:03

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 16:15

I’m going to go but don’t really want to.

they are teenagers, yes I’ve met them, they stay with us every weekend

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Say what? You've only been with him 5 months! Did he move in with you or the other way round?

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:03

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 17:14

20 plus years of close friendship

and his new girlfriend of a poxy 5 months is getting twitchy

i hope he doesn’t tell anyone at the party for your sake because then you can be sure they’ll be gossiping about you!

Edited

Yeah it’s lovely he’s got such good friends.

dont know what ‘twitchy’ means?

well there’s not much to tell, but if they do gossip about me then my point has sort of been proven hasn’t it!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:05

pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:03

Say what? You've only been with him 5 months! Did he move in with you or the other way round?

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Not living together , just spend most of our time together

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:05

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:05

Not living together , just spend most of our time together

Show quote history

My place is bigger so usually at mine

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:06

Do you have a terminal illness? If not then i can't understand having his kid over every weekend and practically living together.

pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:08

We actually met each others kids after a few weeks, and we’ve met each others parents! Ooooo naughty me.

You sound 16 yourself. Anyway I'd go and meet his friends, you might enjoy yourself.

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:10

pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:08

We actually met each others kids after a few weeks, and we’ve met each others parents! Ooooo naughty me.

You sound 16 yourself. Anyway I'd go and meet his friends, you might enjoy yourself.

Aw thank you, I wish 😝

yeah I’m going, fingers crossed it’s a fun night

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:13

pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:06

Do you have a terminal illness? If not then i can't understand having his kid over every weekend and practically living together.

Why not?! We’re crazy about each other and everyone is happy.

no terminal illness but a couple of near death experiences so it makes you grab life by the horns

OP posts:
LadyBadluck · 21/05/2024 19:22

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 16:41

not Officially living together but he spends a lot of time at mine. My child and his child are very close and love spending time together.

I don’t expect him to break his friendships, I wouldn’t dream of asking him that.

I don’t feel his ex is a threat, they are very much just co parents. She has a long term boyfriend also.

I encourage him to socialise with his friends (the group in question and other friends) as I think this is healthy.

my question is AIBU to wish this wasn’t the case that his ex is best friends with his best friends? I’m not going to act on my disappointment, I just wondered if anyone else would feel similar to how I feel.

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So you're absolutely fine with:

  • his ex
  • his friends
  • his ex sharing the same friends as him
  • him seeing his friends
  • him seeing his ex

So what's the AIBU? I don't understand.

You're apparently encouraging of his friendships, the friendship/co-parenting with his ex, you don't see her as a threat, your relationship is so great that you're practically living together and you have his mids stay at yours...but you don't want to go to a party that everyone in this scenario wants you to go to, or has no problem with you being there, and you were actively invited.

I'm still failing to understand why you're annoyed and dont want to go.

If you wish so bad it wasn't like this, then I'd say you have to end it, other wise you'll be eaten up with resentment.

But I still dont get what the issue is.

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 19:23

Why not?! We’re crazy about each other and everyone is happy.

says the OP. On her own thread. In Relationships

ok

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 19:25

**So you're absolutely fine with:

  • his ex
  • his friends
  • his ex sharing the same friends as him
  • him seeing his friends
  • him seeing his ex**

clearly the Op is not as per Op

but… question the sense of a 5 month relationship with kids pretty much living together…. and the backtrack begins

pinkyredrose · 21/05/2024 19:30

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:13

Why not?! We’re crazy about each other and everyone is happy.

no terminal illness but a couple of near death experiences so it makes you grab life by the horns

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OK fair enough.

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 19:48

LadyBadluck · 21/05/2024 19:22

So you're absolutely fine with:

  • his ex
  • his friends
  • his ex sharing the same friends as him
  • him seeing his friends
  • him seeing his ex

So what's the AIBU? I don't understand.

You're apparently encouraging of his friendships, the friendship/co-parenting with his ex, you don't see her as a threat, your relationship is so great that you're practically living together and you have his mids stay at yours...but you don't want to go to a party that everyone in this scenario wants you to go to, or has no problem with you being there, and you were actively invited.

I'm still failing to understand why you're annoyed and dont want to go.

If you wish so bad it wasn't like this, then I'd say you have to end it, other wise you'll be eaten up with resentment.

But I still dont get what the issue is.

Show quote history

It’s more AIBU to be disappointed that I’ll probably never get to be close to his best friends as his ex wife is already besties with them. He goes out with the boys (husbands) and she goes out with the girls (wives), then now and again they will all meet up for birthdays.

I’ll obviously be friendly to everyone, but it’s not an ideal situation and I’m sure most would agree that if they had a choice it’s not something you’d chose?

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 19:54

I’ll obviously be friendly to everyone, but it’s not an ideal situation and I’m sure most would agree that if they had a choice it’s not something they’d choose?

You surely can't be jealous of the fact that some people have known each other for twenty years?

Seriously?

TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 19:56

And you've introduced your children to your boyfriend already?
Wow.

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 19:59

AIBU to wish he didn’t have this friend group?

That was your AIBU

but now it’s It’s more AIBU to be disappointed that I’ll probably never get to be close to his best friends as his ex wife is already besties with them

🤔

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:03

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 19:59

AIBU to wish he didn’t have this friend group?

That was your AIBU

but now it’s It’s more AIBU to be disappointed that I’ll probably never get to be close to his best friends as his ex wife is already besties with them

🤔

Same thing just worded differently

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 20:06

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:03

Same thing just worded differently

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It's not the same thing at all.

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:06

TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 19:56

And you've introduced your children to your boyfriend already?
Wow.

Yes and what? Our kids are all over 16, they can handle it, plus they are old enough to know their parents are dating, not babies that you can keep things from anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:07

TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 19:54

I’ll obviously be friendly to everyone, but it’s not an ideal situation and I’m sure most would agree that if they had a choice it’s not something they’d choose?

You surely can't be jealous of the fact that some people have known each other for twenty years?

Seriously?

Not jealous never said I was.

so you wish your partners best friends where also best friends with his ex

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:10

TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 20:06

It's not the same thing at all.

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Yep it is, it’s my thread so I think I’d know.

aibu to wish…. Because…

both are true just one is more a because

OP posts:
paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 20:16

TheShellBeach · 21/05/2024 20:06

It's not the same thing at all.

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exactly

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 20:17

in your op

you ask whether you’re being unreasonable for wishing that he doesn’t have these two decade long friends!

in your follow up …. you are “disappointed” you will never be close to them