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Original poster

AIBU?

71 replies

Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 16:06

My new partner of about 5 months, shares friends with his ex wife. They are a couples friendship group going back 20 years.

My partner and his ex wife have been divorced for 15 years now but they have kids together and occasionally socialise together with this friend group.

There is a party of one of these friends and my partner and I have been invited, at first I said I didn’t want to go and he got upset with me as his friends are important to him. But after talking to a few family and friends I’ve decided to go.

AIBU to wish he didn’t have this friend group?

For a bit of back story his ex wife cheated on him, and the friend group stuck by her and of course my partner was supported by them too at the time. I feel like I will never be truly accepted into the group as his ex is there.

OP posts:
paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 20:19

it’s the sort of thing i might have been concerned about when i was…. 14 🤷

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:23

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 20:17

in your op

you ask whether you’re being unreasonable for wishing that he doesn’t have these two decade long friends!

in your follow up …. you are “disappointed” you will never be close to them

Edited

Are you stupid or just pretending to be?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 21/05/2024 20:30

paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 20:19

it’s the sort of thing i might have been concerned about when i was…. 14 🤷

I couldn’t have cared less when I was younger.

I worry more now I’m older, and it’s the unknown for me.

was just curious if anyone would feel the same in a similar situation.

would like to point out I can’t help my feelings but can help how I act in this situation and I’ve not made a fuss or moaned I’ve just said I don’t really want to go but after some consideration I decided to go and I’ll make to most of it

OP posts:
paprikaforever · 21/05/2024 21:20

oh dear 😆

enjoy the party OP 🥳

Katastrophic · 21/05/2024 21:40

I had no idea everyone would melt down at the idea of a couple moving in together after 5 months (which hasn’t even happened here but if it had then 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️).

Katastrophic · 21/05/2024 21:41

Getting back to the point though, yes, YABU. Their romantic relationship is ancient history.

EternalSunshine19 · 21/05/2024 21:50

Bbq1 · 21/05/2024 18:31

Op why are 16 year olds, "playing together"?

Show quote history

OP never said they play togother. She said they spent time with each other.

Epidote · 21/05/2024 22:00

I think yes, you are being unreasonable.
Those friends have been in his life more that you. They are including you as part of his life. Just give it a go and don't over think about it.

Wooloohooloo · 21/05/2024 22:15

Dating in your 40s as opposed to your 20s means you will already have established lives/friends and histories that don't include each other. It's just a fact of life about dating as you get older. Presumably you also have your own groups of friends also? You can't recreate 20 yrs of history but there's no reason you can't become close to his friends and build a life together but also retain your own life, independence and friends. You seem very keen and in a big rush to completely merge you lives together as quickly as possible which is impossible in your 40s.

paprikaforever · 22/05/2024 08:06

Katastrophic · 21/05/2024 21:40

I had no idea everyone would melt down at the idea of a couple moving in together after 5 months (which hasn’t even happened here but if it had then 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️).

when kids are involved?

TheShellBeach · 22/05/2024 10:15

paprikaforever · 22/05/2024 08:06

when kids are involved?

Show quote history

Who have met each other already.....

hellhavenofury · 22/05/2024 10:27

I am in a very similar situation OP and its absolutely fine! I happily socialise in the group my BFs ex is in and we all socialise together if we are at a mutual friends party etc. No drama, no bitching. We arent going to be besties and going out for dinner on our own but both my BF and her have happily moved on (years ago) and happy so why not.

paprikaforever · 22/05/2024 15:30

TheShellBeach · 22/05/2024 10:15

Who have met each other already.....

Show quote history

yup…. after a few weeks of dating

set the tone really 🤷

SamW98 · 22/05/2024 15:44

Katastrophic · 21/05/2024 21:40

I had no idea everyone would melt down at the idea of a couple moving in together after 5 months (which hasn’t even happened here but if it had then 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️).

Seems a bit quick to be blending families and the kids spending every weekend with a couple who are on the early stages of a relationship and still getting to know each other. I can’t think of anything worse than spending every weekend with a new partners kids in tow but hey

paprikaforever · 22/05/2024 15:45

SamW98 · 22/05/2024 15:44

Seems a bit quick to be blending families and the kids spending every weekend with a couple who are on the early stages of a relationship and still getting to know each other. I can’t think of anything worse than spending every weekend with a new partners kids in tow but hey

Show quote history

and what about your own child…. suddenly every weekend their home invaded by a new man and his kids

Katastrophic · 22/05/2024 16:43

SamW98 · 22/05/2024 15:44

Seems a bit quick to be blending families and the kids spending every weekend with a couple who are on the early stages of a relationship and still getting to know each other. I can’t think of anything worse than spending every weekend with a new partners kids in tow but hey

Show quote history
  1. They haven’t moved in together, 2) The kids are all “over 16” and are presumably capable of and allowed to do things other than spending all their time with their parents, 3) We’ve been told the kids get on really well, and presumably will be capable of maintaining any friendships built with each other regardless of the parental relationship. Calm down everyone!
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 22/05/2024 19:04

hellhavenofury · 22/05/2024 10:27

I am in a very similar situation OP and its absolutely fine! I happily socialise in the group my BFs ex is in and we all socialise together if we are at a mutual friends party etc. No drama, no bitching. We arent going to be besties and going out for dinner on our own but both my BF and her have happily moved on (years ago) and happy so why not.

Thank you so much for sharing. Im really hoping it’s like this for me too

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimmy21 · 22/05/2024 19:07

Katastrophic · 22/05/2024 16:43

  1. They haven’t moved in together, 2) The kids are all “over 16” and are presumably capable of and allowed to do things other than spending all their time with their parents, 3) We’ve been told the kids get on really well, and presumably will be capable of maintaining any friendships built with each other regardless of the parental relationship. Calm down everyone!
Show quote history

Thank you @Katastrophic !! At last some sense and somebody that is actually reading and understanding what I’m saying

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 22/05/2024 19:11

Jimmy21 · 22/05/2024 19:07

Thank you @Katastrophic !! At last some sense and somebody that is actually reading and understanding what I’m saying

Show quote history

Hmm. One person in three pages......

Clueless2024 · 22/05/2024 19:14

I wouldn't love it if my husband's friends were all still chummy with his ex...

Its a bit weird. But, seeing as it's a new relationship, end it or deal with it & get to know them

Original poster
Jimmy21 · 13/06/2024 16:37

I decided not to go, it all worked out fine 😁 worried for nothing

OP posts:
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