Parents couldn’t be bothered to attend my graduation

[amiwronghelpPlease]

Hi all, I’d like to get outside perspectives to see if I’m being unreasonable.

BACKGROUND:

• we all live in the UK in this university city
• parents don’t drive
• I didn’t attend a graduation ceremony for my bachelors due to Covid as we had serious illness in the immediate family.

My graduation ceremony for my masters degree was on Wednesday. I found out the date for the day at the beginning of the year and shared this with everyone and my family were all very excited.

Fast forward to the week of, and my parents notify me that they won’t be able to attend as they don’t have anything to wear and can’t afford to get to the university as they don’t drive and don’t want to get public transport there.

I’m very upset about this as of course I wanted my parents to be there, but I think I’m most upset that they couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to buy outfits and save money for transport (or get public transport) to come! Just to say, they aren’t wealthy but both earn decent amounts combined, however overspend on unnecessary luxuries every month on their paydays and run out of money for the essentials after a couple of weeks.

The day before on Tuesday, my parents said they may attend, they’ll see if they can put together money to buy outfits but they weren’t sure yet and would have to see. I told them not to bother as their attitude really deflated the excitement of the event for me and I didn’t want to be left hanging until the morning of to know what was going on.

(I didn’t say this part to them)

I guess I have two questions:

1. am I in the wrong for being upset that they didn’t attend?
2. was I wrong to tell them not to bother coming after all the faff?

thanks for your advice

God, No to both questions. Appalling behaviour from your parents. Congratulations on your success OP, you deserved better.

No, how shitty of them.

Congratulations on graduating!

I feel that I should nip upstairs and put something nice on before posting.

Congratulations on your masters!

(And yes, you deserve much better)

That's really hurtful of your parents. They must already have something reasonably smart to wear? And a bus or taxi within the same city as a one-off wouldn't have cost much. I'm assuming there is some other underlying reason for them not wanting to attend. You are reasonable in being upset.

Regardless, congratulations on your MA! That is truly a great achievement, well done. Be proud of yourself!

No, you’re not remotely in the wrong, that’s really shitty.
Congratulations, though; try not to let this diminish it for you.

So sorry to hear this, I have two grand children graduating this year, DD and SIL going to both ceremonies. Really selfish of your parents.

Absolutely not!
I don't care if I was on 1p a day! I would do anything to scrimp the money together to go to my sons!
That is absolutely outrageous
And to say "they don't want to get public transport" what a poor excuse! How do they get around on a day to day basis? Bus?
And not even to mention I'm sure they had something in their wardrobe they could have worn to save money if they were that hard up.
I'm sorry but that is disgraceful

Congratulations. Parents did not need special outfits..it was your day not theirs.

Congratulations!! What a fabulous achievement.

You are absolutely within your rights to be upset. I hope you had lots of other supporters to celebrate with.

That’s horrible, they sound incredibly selfish. Bloody well done you, a Masters is no easy feat - go out there and do your thing. It’s their loss to be honest, I can’t imagine many parents not wanting to see their child graduate.

Congratulations on your fabulous achievement.

I'd be really hurt if my parents did that to me. Remember it.

Mine didn’t come to mine either but managed to go to both my brothers which told me all I needed to know. Didn’t get any congratulations either just one rude comments although to be fair I am
gkad they didn’t come looking at their faces woukd have spoiled it

If my son had an MA and I hadn’t been able to get to his previous ceremony, I would crawl on my knees to get there.
On the other hand, I have parents who have similar form to yours OP so I know how important it is to celebrate your child.

Congratulations. Pat yourself on the back, and get yourself into therapy to deal with the fact that they don’t treat you the way they should. Make sure you treat YOURSELF well.

Definitely making excuses. They don't check outfits on the door, there were plenty of people not dressed up at DDs.

Yep this was my mum. Apparently graduations are boring.... pretty much summed up her parenting

Oh that's awful.

I graduated with a MSc in the autumn and even at the grand old age of 50 something my family were super excited to attend. Well done - massive achievement.

Gosh that's awful! Have they always been under fussed parents? You can remember this when they want or need something. Sorry this happened, it must be really hurtful. Congratulations on your hard work and success.

OP don't be gaslit - it's bang out of order of them.
What an amazing achievement, I hope you were celebrated.

@saraclara ❤your post!

It sounds like they were struggling a bit with what to wear, they probably needed reassurance that what they already owned was fine. Or for to pop over and help them put their outfits together.
I have friends who get themselves into a real state if they get an invite to something such as a wedding or a night out. I do find it a bit odd but I always offer some help and/or suggestions.

That’s really hurtful. Massive congratulations to you on your achievement.

Also on the outfits - smart casual is fine. You don't need top hat and tails or something expensive.

I would be so hurt if my parents hurt me like that. OP I hope you have a fabulous day and managed to celebrate your achievement with your classmates.

How awful. My parents did this to my sister.

My sister later died far too young from cancer and my bloody mother keeps mithering me about arranging a memorial tree at the uni my sister did her undergraduate degree.

I really have to stop myself from exploding that if she couldn't be arsed to travel to the uni for the graduation, then there's no chance of her going there to look at a bloody tree!!

Well to be fair, they are. And I know my kids were probably bored listening to the looooong speech given by the Chancellor after my graduation ceremony. But they were told (by DH) that the day was not about them, they were there to support me, and it was important to me that they were all there to see me get my award.

Kinda like school nativity plays, you go because your child is super excited to be angel number 8, not because you're really excited about seeing the show. And as parents part of the deal is showing your support and doing things you might not choose to do otherwise.

Well done! I'm sorry your parents couldn't be bothered to celebrate you properly. Graduation ceremonies are perhaps not the most exciting thing, but the burst of pride when it's the person you are celebrating receives their certificate, and so special to meet their course mates and parents at the drinks reception, and take them out for a meal afterwards.

🎆🎋🎊🍾🍾🍷🍸🍹🍹

Celebrating for you! Xx

It's out of their comfort zone - they don't know what to wear and they don't actually know what is expected of them / what is going to happen.
Hence they will come up with every excuse under the sun to avoid going.

Are you the first in your immediate family to graduate ?

My parents didn't realise I expected them to come to mine, years and years ago. Until I told them that they would be there ! and yes they were - older parents, 400+ miles away.