Is good sex worth leaving my Husband

[Mariah24]

Me & my Husband have been together for 15 years, 2 children aged 8 & 11. I started having an affair around a year ago. I know it’s bad, it’s so hard to explain, I love my husband but we have problems in the bedroom department, which leave me feeling unloved etc, though I know it’s really not that. My Husband loves me so much.
However the sex I have with this other guy is out of this world & really don’t want to give it up.

I know I need to make a choice and also come clean to my Husband. Just I honestly don’t know what to do, life is otherwise mostly good at home. I know I’m being selfish & I know sex isn’t everything, but why can’t I let it go.

It is a genuine post. There is a little more to it than the sex, but I genuinely wanted to know if people would leave because of that reason. Is it a deal breaker for some people.

You've already lost your marriage.

Your poor husband.

Just gross.

There’s a world of difference from affair sex and real life
part if not the main reason sex runs into trouble is domestic life gets in the way

affair sex is more or less just booking a shag of course it will be good

don’t base your future life on the quality of random shags

Honestly, why would you tell your husband? If the sex is good and you enjoy it, carry on. It's not really any of your husbands business.

Been there. Lust is addictive and excellent sex is also addictive, especially in the early days of a no-commitment fling.

You're right in that something is missing on your marriage and you are trying to fill the gap. Doesn't make your actions right, but can explain them.

You owe it to your husband to either finish the affair, or tell him (or both). Think about what you really want and act with the courage of your convictions. Please don't mess your husband around. It's not fair, it's cowardly and it will end up making you and everyone around you feeling like shit.

Make a decision and take action.

I am sure I'll not be the only one to quote this ridiculous comment.

Of course it's her husband's business who else his wife is having sex with! The whole point of marriage is to publicly declare that you are committed to this one person and the general understanding is that sex with someone other than your spouse is a huge betrayal. This can't be serious.

I don’t know how you live with the deceit, the sneaking around, the guilt. Your husband deserves better.

Even if the sex wasn't great nothing would make me leave my marriage unless the other cheated. We laugh,talk,have so much fun, tell each other we love each other several times a day and show it, never argue but communicate etc etc there's tons to a good marriage but the main thing you both got to have the same goals and communicate well.luckily I adore hubby and he does me and the bed is great as are our gorgeous kids

You’re not a strong person, you’re weak and cowardly. You’re shag blind and doing something you may well regret for the rest of your life

Except for all the STI’s she may well pass on

Did you ever have a healthy sex life with your DH? It's a tough one OP.

You're right in that something is missing on your marriage and you are trying to fill the gap. Doesn't make your actions right, but can explain them.

Or somethings missing in her. Wanting attention and validation probably

This is a reverse surely.

Love the comment from a pp who said she got a dildo and still has her children.

Has the op even mentioned her children at all?

Can I ask why you and your husband have been unable or unwilling to improve your sex life together at all? I know you don't want to go into great detail but is it really out of the question that could happen? I think you should definitely stop the affair while you decide what to do

I honestly think if it wasn’t for the kids, I would have left before the affair started.

Their welfare is enough to stay, but not enough to be faithful to their father? That's a strange place to land. Just end the marriage. It's unfair and makes you a liar. I doubt the affair bloke is all gravy but at least you won't be lying.

Fucks sake OP think it through.

A terrible sex life might be enough to leave your husband. A brilliant sex life should not be enough to start a new life with a new man. Making you orgasm is not indicative of his potential qualities as a step father…

Personally, I think you should tell your husband. Because it IS his business. And figure out together whether he can stand the sight of you and wants to work it out, or whether it’s the end of your marriage.

Don’t dump the other man and attempt to just stay quiet in your marriage. You’re clearly miserable, something needs to change.

We’re very careful, but thank you.

Maybe give it a go with your husband considering you have children and a life with him. Quit the AP. Marriage counselling, work on everything that’s missing including the sex, come clean about what you’ve done and why. See how it pans out. If it doesn’t work then at least you tried.

We did, up to around 5 years ago.

Would you give the advice to married man ?

“You should carry on shagging another woman, its not really any of your wife’s business “

100% this ^^

How do you know he’s not sleeping with anyone else ?

I’m going against the grain and think put yourself first. You aren’t weak or bad. Being in a relationship with a lack of intimacy is soul destroying (assuming that’s what’s going on and your DH hasn’t done anything to resolve it when you’ve discussed it).

Dont come clean because you feel guilty, that’s completely pointless self flagellation. If you are ready to end your marriage, leave for that reason. Take your next steps carefully and think carefully about what’s best for you and your kids. It might be to stop the affair. It might be to leave. But if you can be discreet and just want some good sex on the side to meet your needs when your DH can’t or won’t then crack on without guilt.

imagine if a woman had posted that she lost her sex drive post baby and husband went and had a year long affair because sex with her was never good. the names that man would have been called!

Well OP, don't fool your self. your actions are selfish and disgusting. this wasnt a one off oops. you've carried on for a year. even a one of is wrong but you should have come clean straight away. if you are serious about taking positive action - come clean, apologise and leave the poor man so he can be with someone who actually wants him.

this is will also impact your children, so start thinking about how you will help them through this.

sexual gratification is not a valid reason to betray people who trust you. also sexual satisfaction is a two way street, did you try sex therapy? did you really do everything you could? and also vibrators exist for a reason. you could easily have met your own needs while you considered your options. and if you realised the sexual side of things could never work, you should have left or discussed opening your marriage.

I would advice taking a long hard look in the mirror and ask what is it inside you that made you capable of lying for a whole year to your loved ones.

None of her husbands business that his wife is being unfaithful?