Help me decide if should I text! Going crazy.

[BristolZoo]

A few weeks ago I started seeing a bloke from work. He was lovely, we got on well it was all good. We went on about 5 dates and spent the night together. I was very clear that I didn't do one night stands and he agreed that this wasn't one. We had a lovely night together.
In the weeks since he has grown more distant, not texting, too busy to meet etc..
It's just classic - he not that into me and I have to get over it.

But, I'm really struggling to move on from it and am annoyed at myself for trusting him so quickly. I think, because I knew him I felt a stronger connection more quickly than I would have if we were strangers from OLD.

I haven't heard anything from him for a few days now. I really want clarity but I don't want to look like I'm desperate or needy. I feel hurt by his actions but not sure how to act around him. I have to see him next week, goodness knows how he thinks that's going to go!
Text or no text!? What do I say?

@Didimum you see this is what I would do too. Why let him off the hook by ignoring. This message isn't begging for him back, it's simply calling him out in his shitty behaviour.

Well it wasn't a one night stand as such but spending the night after only five dates is not far off from being one!

He was only interested in getting you into bed so hold your head high and block and ignore him .

Don't lower yourself to texting him and if anyone at work asks why you're no longer seeing him mention he had bad breath.

This message isn't begging for him back, it's simply calling him out in his shitty behaviour.

It’s embarrassing to do that! He doesn’t give a fuck. He’ll laugh at the message and ignore it, which will make you feel worse.

Do not text.
Do not tell him how you feel - keep your dignity.

Can you block his personal texts ? and just keep the work methods of contact ?

Absolutely this! Do not give him the satisfaction of 'calling him out' or blocking him. He knows he is a cad, he knows that you are hurting - so now you need to protect yourself and keep your dignity.

Youre not foolish. You have to live life and be in the moment sometimes. You trusted him and he showed he was something different. That's not on you. Actually it's on him. You didn't do anything wrong other than like someone and take a chance on it.

You will be okay. Keep talking here if you need to.

Keep your dignity intact and your head held high and do not contact him under any circumstances.
Anything you do text will either be twisted by him as desperate or ‘proof’ you’re a bit of a nut. Nothing is worth breaking your silence for.

Just put it down to experience, think of it as a decent shag and move on

Who is it embarrassing for? It’s only embarrassing if OP is embarrassed by it. No one else should be putting emotions on the OP but herself.

💯- he won’t give a shit and he’ll use it as an excuse to justify his behaviour.

Don't block him OP - that makes you look like it’s bothered you. Just act like it never even happened.

I'm kinda if you think it would make you feel better, go for it.

But not in this case where it's a work colleague where she has to see him regularly. De-escalate/disengage where it's going to affect your job.

I think it’s rather insulting to call a woman undignified for speaking out her feelings. And meanwhile he sure gets to keep his ‘dignity’, doesn’t he?

The point is that reply has nothing to do with him. It’s for her. Full stop.

DO NOT TEXT FFS …you have clarity already he hasn’t replied I’ve seen my friends do this for years …it needy beggy and desperate DO NOT DO IT TO YOURSELF you deserve better

💯 spot on ..I just don’t understand some ppl this happens all the time …the amount of times I’ve told my friends don’t get beggy it’s unattractive and make you look desperate if he wanted to know you would know ehhh I would just cut it off like you say act like nothing happend

Sadly, cads like this man will take huge pleasure in getting a woman to a point where she feels the need to 'speak out about her feelings'. Some men routinely compare notes on how much shit they get away with and treat toying with women as a game.

Add to this the fact that this is a work colleague whom she won't be able to avoid....... no, definitely not worth calling him out.

Her job is affected already. He affected it and he escalated it. And now he somehow the only thing he deserves is the silence he wanted in the first place. Well done him I guess? If a woman honestly doesn’t want to send the text, then fine, more power to her, but I don’t get why women who want to speak their feelings are being coaxed into silence that’s somehow supposed to be a mask of ‘dignity’.

We’re not talking about a ‘hey, I thought we had a great time, what happened?’ text, we’re talking about a ‘you treat people like garbage and I’m not here for it’ text.

I know it feels awful but you already have clarity. Focus on how he is behaving now and that will tell you everything you need to know. His actions in the present are your closure.

At work try to act as if you’re not affected by this. It will become second nature ❤️

Again, your concerning yourself with what HE thinks about it and what HE might do with it or how much HE cares.

His feelings, whatever they are, are not the reason or concern in speaking up. His feelings are meaningless here.

The work issue has been created by him, so that exists regardless.

Part of me thinks you could call him out on it if you feel you need to which you obviously do as you wrote a post about it. You might prick his conscience for five minutes but that would be it. He would still do it to the next woman if he wanted to.

I do think it was awful of him to reassure you and say he was looking for a relationship not a one night thing and then ghost you after sex. Sorry to say though, we all know it happens all the time. No point in having the, ‘I don’t do one night stands’ conversation as it’s meaningless.

He doesn’t need calling out ..we all make our decisions some not so wisely it was what it was no promises it was early days better to really get to know someone before sleeping with them or if you do sleep together be prepared…done it myself tbh but I don’t get beggy or desperate after hurt or not

My first foray into online dating after a long marriage ended exactly like this. It's not uncommon sadly.

I agree. It's not a dignified silence, it's just letting them get away with it. I texted something like this, felt much better and got on with my life.

I mean, texting if it will make you feel better is ok. But with cowards like him it wont achieve jack shit. Never, ever have I seen a man like this go "OMG you're right, I've been a total prick and I am so genuinely sorry". They just either ignore the message which makes you feel even worse or block- they. dont. care. If they did care they wouldnt do it in the first place so its not going to make them think at all. Why waste your emotion and energy on someone who doesnt give a shit about you?

I actually think ignoring someone like they dont matter is far more dismissive of them than sending fired up texts telling them you're pissed. Indifference is the opposite of love and far more hurtful which is exactly why ghosting drives people crazy in the first place.

No, don't text. It'll only make you feel even worse.

It's shit that you've had your feelings hurt but you'll feel so much better in the long run if you maintain your dignity (for want of a better word). Be cool, ice queen.

I'm not sure he'll ignore the message if I text him. He's a bit awkward and knows he has to face me in work.
But, having thought about it, I think,.in the end, it'll make me feel worse. He will probably answer (in a day or two) with something like - "that wasn't my intention, I just haven't had time, I'm really busy at the moment" and it won't help and maybe make me look needy.

This is a shocking way to think, yes some men do this, a small minority, as do some women, but the overwhelming majority of men do not do this

op,I’m sorry he’s done this. For whatever reason he’s changed his mind, it’s not you, it’s about him, and he’s done it thr cowardly way. As he doesn’t have the balls to say it.

i think the posters idea on I see you’re trying the slow fade, I thought better of you and thought you’d be an adult and communicate if you didn’t wish to take this forward, surprised to find you aren’t that man. Anyway it was fun, good luck and I advise you to use your words in future.

That’s fair, and is likely what he will do. And then say it’s over due ro you, he’s hardly covering himself in glory here. You have lost nothing, he’s a loser, you had a fun night, it’s for the best you found out now who he is.