My boyfriend seems upset that I went away on holiday to see my son who is studying abroad

[PeachLion]

I have been divorced for 5 years and have a son who has been studying in Montreal since August. I hadn't seen him since he left and I have just spent the most amazing holiday with him here in Canada.
The only problem is that my boyfriend (I don't live with him but we have been together for 5 years) seems really upset that I have been away without him. He hasn't said it directly but every time I ring him he seems cold, almost angry. Almost like he is jealous that I'm here with my son. He couldn't afford to come and had to stay with his daughters (who aren't very nice to me !) He never took any interest in my trip before I left, but he doesn't seem to be happy for me, unlike all my friends and family.
I'm a bit worried about going back home to be honest!
I just needed a bit of advice... Is this normal behaviour?

That is exactly what I have done. I got back home yesterday afternoon and went straight home to mine.
I sent him a message to say that I was too tired to see him and that I needed some time to myself. That I had done some serious thinking during my trip and that I'm not sure where our relationship is going.
He reacted as I expected - that I'm selfish and I only think about myself. After all he has done for me ...
Yes he has keys to my place but he hasn't come over.
I'll sort that out today.
I'm surprisingly not feeling sad.
Thank you all for your advice, the trip home was long and tiring but it gave me lots of time to think about my current situation...

Wow, especially really showing his true colours now! Good for you, OP.

My boyfriend of a year is currently on holiday in Asia for 2 weeks. He had a gap between jobs, so booked it last minute so I was unable to get time off at short notice. However I'm thrilled for him that he's travelling and enjoying himself, have messaged daily for photos and updates, and otherwise been nothing but happy for him.

It sounds as though that was an amazing experience in more ways than one. Your boyfriend is very controlling and jealous and mean. The fact he can behave himself in other ways means you thought he was different to your past boyfriend but he isn't.

Grab this chance with both hands and dump him. Then plan your next trip to Canada!

Now you can tell him his reply was extremely useful in clarifying the thoughts you’d already been having, @PeachLion 😊

(Of course don’t tell him, he’s not worth the waste of breath, but it says something that he’s behaving precisely to type, doesn’t it?)

Hi OP, please look up The Freedom Programme, often mentioned on here, before you get into
another relationship. It seems like you have gone from one bad relationship to another.

I’m glad you had such a wonderful time - what an amazing adventure for you and your son.

Good for you. Please also think about how you would behave if your positions would have been switched.

If he went away to see his DD’s would you have tried to make him feel bad or would have you been interested in his trip and encouraging him to have fun?

If he came back and said he doesn’t feel the same would you start saying he’s selfish for not wanting to be your boyfriend anymore? The sheer entitlement of acting like someone owes you a relationship is revolting, it really is.

Whatever you don’t have lower standards of behaviour for him than you do for yourself. If you wouldn’t do it to another person, think about how little of a shit you would actually have to give about a person as an actual human being to treat them the way he is treating you.

Well, there’s his true colours. Which non-abusive person would call you selfish etc for wanting space if they actually respected you? He should be saying, “yes of course, let me know if you want to talk, to be clear, i want to stay with you but will give you space” or similar!

He says I’m selfish and only think of myself ,
so reply “ yes , then you’ll be glad to be rid of me then “. Then block.

Congratulations on navigating a foreign country and spending quality time with your son! I hope you thoroughly enjoyed it!

Yes, your partner is the one who sounds selfish and he should be promoting you keeping in contact with your own family, as this is exactly what he’s doing with his own.

I’m not sure if you will choose to keep this relationship going or not, but if you do you need a serious sit down and a chat about your boundaries.

no one will dictate when you choose to see Family and there is a big difference from being selfish to being independent. You are independent, not selfish!

his reaction being the polar opposite of all of your supportive friends and family does say a lot about him as opposed to you. He needs to read this Mum’s net thread if he is to have any chance of maintaining a relationship with you. Best of luck OP!

Please may we have an update? ( sorry, I'm just curious how it panned out in the end)

How did it go? Did u split up with your partner or did u manage to resolve things? How did he react? Either way, I hope it all went well for you whatever your decision was.