Top places exH sulked - can anyone top these! (semi-lighthearted!)

[heliosoftroy]

Currently going through a divorce from my super sulker ex, and often find myself thinking, with incredulity, at some of the sulks soon-to-be-exH pulled in the most inopportune moments! Top sulk moments -

• On a beach in the Florida Keys. Also a beach in Miami (separate occasion)
• Sitting in the 3rd row of the stalls at Hamilton on Broadway
• At my birthday dinner out in a fancy restaurant
• All the way on a 3hr train journey to a romantic weekend away I planned for his birthday
• The first Christmas I went to stay with his family
• At Peppa Pig World in the very long queue for a ride
• DC's birthday party
• On a cruise in the middle of the Caribbean
• Looking round wedding venues...

I'm sure there are more, but anyone got any crackers from sulking partners to make me feel better?!

@5YearsLeft yes, my dad was a terrible sulker and ruiner of days out etc and I'm sure it affected my view of relationships. I suppose I thought men like that were just the norm. I can see it now but I couldn't in my 20s, unfortunately.
I won't have it these days though!

@5YearsLeft I stayed with exH for 21 years (met aged 20 and I left aged 41). I wondered about the self esteem thing too - I found it discombobulating to finally acknowledge just how badly I had let him treat me for so long, and stayed and stayed and stayed. To look at me you would not think I have low self esteem - I am attractive, extroverted, lots of friends, an excellent and quite high profile job in a prestigious profession.

I think part of it is self esteem - I’m not sure I’d call mine low, but I was conditioned by my parents to accept shitty behaviour and exH got me so young I had no other relationship to compare it to. When I asked my therapist about this she said “no … I don’t think you have low self esteem … you have a very high pain threshold”. Which is also true. I can soldier on through almost anything, I think my resilience levels are off the charts high. It’s a blessing (I don’t think many people could have coped with the experience of leaving my psychotic ex H while still holding it together for 2 young children and holding down a senior job as a lawyer - with zero family support) but it’s almost a curse in that I worry I become almost disassociated from my emotions. I am pathologically self reliant as my parents were so chronically unreliable and my exH was such an arsehole. I have a wonderful, kind, amazing boyfriend now and I can’t believe that this is what life can be like. Relationships can just be easy and fun and happy and when you disagree on something you talk about it and no one screams vile names or sulks. Who knew.

My ex sulked when he had to leave work to take me and his six week old baby to hospital. Apparently it was embarrassing having if to leave work. He sulked during the birth as his back hurt and none of the nurses showed any concern for him. Probably because the baby was stuck and getting distressed and I broke my coccyx and haemorrh-aged. But his pain was far worse because they wouldn't bring him a chair. Poor little man. He sulked when I asked for the money he got from selling my car so I could buy a bike for our child. He sulked when he had to pay to hire a car to drive in America, despite flights, hotels & mountain lodges all being paid for by my family. Don't worry, he got his revenge by not taking any photos. Stupid twat.

Thanks @Johnthesensible for setting us straight. These poor men are stressed because we are spending all their hard earned money on holidays 🤣

Honestly I think if this were a thread asking what our two year olds cracked it about that day, the responses would be exactly the same. Too hot, too cold, didn't cut up their toast right 😅

Really it boils down to centring themselves in every situation. The sea should part and everyone around them should dance to their tune and make life as easy as possible for them, all while telling them how wonderful they are.

I really feel for the posters that have had shit sulking husbands who were no support with little babies. And @PeartreeOrchard your father! He's a stubborn one.

"then sulked as dc wasn’t ‘man’ enough. Our child was two." 🤣🤣🤣🤦‍♀️

Oh Christ, bloody loads.

At an open air museum when the kids were little. They loved the place and I took them quite often, usually just me and them, as for most days out. The one time he came along he'd 'had enough' after an hour and demanded we go home while the kids were having a lovely time in the wintery Christmas world part of the museum, stroking the reindeer while their dad huffed and puffed around.

In DFS. He was looking at this awful chair for himself which would not have fitted in the house along with the 3 seater sofa we'd actually needed and gone to get, and when I pointed this out he went in a huff and he went off and chose a horrible sofa bed from the clearance section, paid for it in a right strop, and then demanded to be dropped off at home rather than come to my brother's house for the afternoon as we had planned. 10 years later we've still got the bloody thing. I hate it.

At the first pub quiz we went to after moving in to our house, which was going to be our lovely weekly night out. I very gently pointed out that the answer to one of the film questions was Charlize Theron, rather than Charlene Theron which he'd written down. But no no, he is the big film fan, not me, so his answer was right. He was seriously enraged that I had dared question his film knowledge. We lost by a point and he got up and left me there feeling really embarrassed and in tears at his stupid huff. We never went back.

But usually he'd go in a huff seconds before we were due to go out, taking the kids swimming (4 yo and 6 month old) so I had to manage it all myself, taking the kids to visit an aircraft carrier (similar age so little kid and baby in buggy,) and more often than not visits to family which he ended up not going to and I would have to come up with an excuse for him.

Don't worry though, he is a stbxh.

I was very briefly in a relationship with a Worzel Gummidge-level sulker.

Having previously been with a shouter meltdowner, I had utterly no training, no idea how to to cope with the guess-what's-wrong silent treatment and was mystified and lost.

Looking back, his sister had gone no contact with him some years before and had refused to give him any context or understanding why - which caused him a lot of distress.

I can only assume I was standing in the shallows of a very deep and murky family problem that had probably always been there from their parents.

I got away.

@JFDIYOLO I am not sure if I am stupider or more efficient than you, because I managed to combine shouter meltdowner with Worzel Gummidge level sulker in the same horrible package. Wtf

In the past DH used to have the occasional sulk, though I never knew what it was about. In the end I started giving him a quick shake and saying 'Come along, Mr Darcy!' in a jolly voice and after a few occasions of me calling him that, he stopped doing it.

During my 3rd pregnancy he sulked the whole time.
This included an entire holiday to florida,
At the one scan he attended (I had many. High risk pregnancy)
During my labour.

Now he sulks in his mums spare room

It's not just men.
My mother!
Sulked on every single holiday - too hot/ too cold/ poor location/ bad food on and on.
My wedding. Afterwards she sort of sneered and said ' I don't suppose you feel any different now'. Followed by sulking.
My half sister's wedding ( her step daughter) . She complained half the night about the soup being too salty then went off in a massive huff.
When I was upset that my dog died and therefore clearly didn't care enough about her recent knee replacement.

I think its important to differentiate between ridiculous tantrums and sulking. Both are bad. Both are laughable. But often tantrums can just be the result of being a bit overwhelmed as a PP has said. EXCEPT, and this is really really important, as that poster pointed out, she is 100% aware that her behaviour is not okay and she is embarrassed afterwards, and tries to avoid it happening in the first place.

Whereas a SULKER, will have the tantrum and then, due to a complete lack of self-awareness, combined with a huge sense of entitlement, will sulk for hours/days/weeks because everyone wasn't sympathetic to, or accommodating of, the tantrum.

And then of course there are sulkers who just sulk for reasons that often are completely unclear without the tantrum. I had a flatmate like that. After a few months I started to learn what might have been the trigger - things like me choosing to go for drinks after work, for example or if I dared to ask her to please finish the washing up from the dinner party she'd hosted 2 days before. Needless to say, that friendship didn't survive post living together. And not so secretly, I've long thought it's a really good thing that her and her DH decided not to have DC as I dread to think the damage she would have done to any children.

I’ve remembered another ex husband this time

he didn’t speak after our son was born cos he wanted a girl 4 weeks of nothing we already had 2 boys by the way. it’s not like I could put him back and told him that.

I’ve also realised it was father that was the sulking one and financially abusive to my mother, father dies and my mother didn’t even have a bank account at aged 55. He’d give her cash of £50 for housekeeping this didn’t change for over 20 years if not longer and he did all the shopping and bills.

we managed to get her an account and she puts all the money in it she’d been given over the years. some notes were out of circulation but the bank let it slide because of her circumstances. (Thank you Clydesdale)

she didn’t have a clue about the house or anything to do with bills and it took her years to get used to it

thankfully the house was bought and paid for just utilities and food to pay for and we set up all the direct debits for it.

she phones one day to say she’d received some money and didn’t know what it was. It turned out to be her state pension. Again she’d no clues.

Following this thread though I haven't had one of these myself (I had an emotionally avoidant xh, very sad). I'm just fascinated by it.

As a pp said, "sulking" is a bit vague and could mean getting irrationally angry or the silent treatment, maybe other things too.

Anger when not the centre of attention is I think one of the personality disorder traits and I can kind of compute it. My mum was like that, constant need to be the focus and in her case, constant need for emotional soothing.

But the silent treatment doesn't fit in, as they're not getting attention. Although maybe they are, because they're controlling the atmosphere and affecting everyone else's emotions, without having to do anything...

And huge sympathy to those who've had to deal with it.

'I am pathologically self reliant as my parents were so chronically unreliable and my exH was such an arsehole'

Oh I recognize this so much in myself 🙁

This thread is quite entertaining but it's also sad the amount of people who have had nice occasions ruined.
My mother can be difficult character, ironically with family, she's much nicer to non family, but plenty of Christmases and family gatherings she's found something to create a drama about.
Unfortunately though she doesn't get invited to many gatherings anymore or special occasions as her behaviour is too unpredictable. In general the people who behave like this whether it be partners or relatives are the ones that end up losing out as eventually people Get fed up of bringing them to a nice occasion when there is a good chance they could ruin it

What's pathological about being self-reliant?

"What's pathological about being self-reliant?"

I've actually been thinking about this exact question for the last few days. I know exactly what the pp means. But I mentioned it to a young male friend and he couldn't understand why it's a problem.

I think it's a problem if: it makes you feel all alone in the world, if you want to be in a partnership with someone and rely on each other, if you're carrying too much responsibility and the stress will get to you eventually.

This thread is brilliant, although I’m so sorry that some of you have had to put up with such terrible behaviour, and at some truly vulnerable times too. It’s actually helping me reframe the behaviour that I have justified for so long in my (hopefully) soon to be ex, and made me realise how much I amend my behaviour and emotions to pander and prevent sulks (and how fucking stressful and miserable that is).

One of his finest most recently is when he sulked all the way taking me to an urgent breast clinic referral. Needless to say I was nervous already but that just pushed me over the edge into tears. Luckily all was ok, but it’s a pretty damning testament of his character.

"What's pathological about being self-reliant?"

It can stop you asking for help when you really do need to. I've been there.

I was at university in a different town from ex so we only saw each other at weekends and holidays (he was working). For my 21st I came home with some friends for the weekend and my parents had arranged a party with relatives and a cake etc, it was lovely - or it should have been. However he managed to sulk because he said I was ignoring him - of course I wasn't, I wanted to talk to relatives I hadn't seen for a while and asked him to come along with me but he wouldn't (a relative saw him do this). When it was time to cut the cake, he had gone - flounced off on his motorbike. The photos show my obvious putting on a brave face when cake cutting compared with genuine happiness of earlier photos. He then phoned me twice to say he would bring my "things" back the next day (I had some bits and pieces at his mother's house). The third time he phoned my mother answered and said I was too upset to come to the phone. One of the worst things was - his own parents were at the party too, and obviously they felt horribly embarrassed.

I hate to admit the rest - but I married him and we were together until our late forties. His sulking did improve a bit, but he always had trouble regulating his emotions, which I hear he still does, now in his late 60s. I never bothered marrying or even dating again.

Why are there so much arrested developmental issues with certain men 🤔 then?

Immature emotionally stunted Twats

And why does our society and other societies in the world 🌎 think if you have 🙄plums meat and veg as anatomy
that automatically means you have something intelligent to say and should be put in positions of authority in our society etc?

Are you taking the piss?

I had an absolute sulking prick of a boyfriend- one of the reasons I actually ended up finally dumping him as the day prior to the dumping he had spent 15 hours solid playing computer games and deliberately ignoring me. Most of his life was spent smoking weed and playing computer games, and sulking. His sulks could last at least 3 weeks. He ruined most moments of my existence with him.

A memorable sulk was when we were driving somewhere (he was driving) and I disagreed that a particular unremarkable hill with a road going through it was beautiful and he called me an 'uneducated troglodyte' and then abandoned me at the next service station, driving off and left me there for the best part of an hour before coming back to get me.

He also refused to come on holidays with me, refused to pay for himself to come (he earned significantly more than me) and then sulked when I went. I know he read my diary when I was away and he didn't like what he read, so he punished me by sulking when I got back.

He barged into a commuter on the tube deliberately and refused to apologise to the commuter, I whispered an apology on his behalf and then he threw an epic tantrum on the tube and refused to speak to me for the next week or so.

He would lie on the sofa, facing away from me and stretched out, with a hood or towel over his head so his vision didn't have to be sullied by looking at me, for hours and hours at a time.

On holiday somewhere hot and beautiful, he had a tantrum and had the only room key so went back to the hotel room to sulk, fully expecting me to follow. I went to the reception, got a spare key, went back to the room, got my passport (just in case) and went back out to the sunshine leaving him to sulk in a cold dark room.

We had tickets to a (boring) military event that I didn't want to go to and suggested he just go with him mum, but he wanted me to put on a fake smile and pretend the relationship was fine . His mum had got free tickets and passed them on, he didn't have to arrange transport or anything to do with logistics, just turn up and meet his mum. He forced me to go, and when I didn't enjoy it (it was just hours of tedious shouting to me) he screamed about how ungrateful I was and 'all the effort' he had gone to get the tickets. A total sum of zero effort.

We were engaged and I looked into my future and saw it would be miserable, and downtrodden, and thought fuck that, and dumped him, finally. He said he would like to 'fuck me in the eye' and did not take it well. I fully understand why his previous girlfriend had done a moonlight flit and vanished one day when he left the house.