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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Top places exH sulked - can anyone top these! (semi-lighthearted!)

675 replies

heliosoftroy · 09/05/2024 12:00

Currently going through a divorce from my super sulker ex, and often find myself thinking, with incredulity, at some of the sulks soon-to-be-exH pulled in the most inopportune moments! Top sulk moments -

  • On a beach in the Florida Keys. Also a beach in Miami (separate occasion)
  • Sitting in the 3rd row of the stalls at Hamilton on Broadway
  • At my birthday dinner out in a fancy restaurant
  • All the way on a 3hr train journey to a romantic weekend away I planned for his birthday
  • The first Christmas I went to stay with his family
  • At Peppa Pig World in the very long queue for a ride
  • DC's birthday party
  • On a cruise in the middle of the Caribbean
  • Looking round wedding venues...

I'm sure there are more, but anyone got any crackers from sulking partners to make me feel better?!

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 12/05/2024 23:11

Thank you for your replies. Tears of laughter at these childish fuckers immature antics

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 12/05/2024 23:14

A few I can recall a few.

threw a mega sulk and I got the silent treatment for 4 days and I was like WTF why, reason cos I wouldn’t have a threesome he was hinting at with his mate 🤮

Same ex another round of silent treatment for not wanting a baby I kid you not whilst in the middle of his sulk I dumped him and he was you’ve guessed it shocked.

alltoomuchrightnow · 12/05/2024 23:20

Huge row underneath the 'legs' of the Statue Of Liberty! Somewhere I'd always wanted to visit; somewhat took the shine off!

FluffyDiplodocus · 12/05/2024 23:33

Oh god I used to have one of these - ExBF though, thank fuck I didn’t marry him.

I think my favourite was the half hour tantrum and subsequent sulk he had because the supermarket had no rosemary in stock 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Crikeyalmighty · 12/05/2024 23:41

@justasking111 I know!! Mine once opened the car door on the oreson bridge and told our adult son to 'get out now' as me and our son were laughing at his constant car rage. He then told me I was a prick for laughing with our son and could just 'fuck myself' - his 82 year old father was in the car with us too telling him to 'calm down' - I think FIL was quite shocked as don't think he had seen my H do the 'toddler tantrum' routine- he hides it well when others present usually

PickAChew · 12/05/2024 23:44

Johnthesensible · 12/05/2024 16:03

You say sulking....that is only half the story. People don't sulk for no reason. What led up to it.

Let's not kid ourselves that men or women just sit there 'sulking'. If they are there will always be a reason. Even the phrase sulking sounds like you refering to him as a child.

I would certainly not be happy stuck in a Peppa Pig queue for 3 hours nor the long train journey. Ultimately all we have is you complaining about his sulking but no reasons for it.

The one thing most of the examples given have in common is 'cost'. Trips abroad, fancy restaurants and shows....I have this vision of bills mounting up, you booking a holiday somewhere, he hits the roof, you come here to say he is sulking about a holiday.

Gosh, you sound fun to be with.

VeryUnlikely · 12/05/2024 23:46

When I was heavily pregnant, on 'holiday' in France. Got so bad I asked him to drive me to the airport so I could go home. He didn't speak to me all the way there - when we arrived at the airport I shouted at hime for his rictus grin. He said 'if you carry on making a scene I'll leave you here'...Wtaf? Then he said he only had thirty mins on parking, then he left me there. I got my big heavy body back to the UK utterly devastated and knowing it was over....and he texted me to say 'don't worry, I'm back safely' (to the holiday home). Fortunately he fucked off to Chiang Mai when the baby was born!!!

mossylog · 12/05/2024 23:48

While most of the sulkers described are just quite self-absorbed and manipulative, some of the descriptions of "tantrums" read to me as likely autistic meltdowns.

Not being able to cope when things don't go to plan, or during holidays where the whole comforting schedule is thrown off. Not an excuse or reason to stay with someone, but probably not all of these men are machiavellian manipulator types.

VeryUnlikely · 12/05/2024 23:50

Our baby is a strapping teen now and doesn't sulk over anything at all. Love him!!

bilgewater · 12/05/2024 23:50

Not my wonderful DH thankfully, but I recognise so much of this behaviour from my DF, now in his 70s. It's essentially emotional abuse, and my poor DM has been stuck with it for more than half a century.

I had a boyfriend with similar traits in my 20s, and I'm forever grateful to the friend who pointed it out.

VeryUnlikely · 12/05/2024 23:52

mossylog · 12/05/2024 23:48

While most of the sulkers described are just quite self-absorbed and manipulative, some of the descriptions of "tantrums" read to me as likely autistic meltdowns.

Not being able to cope when things don't go to plan, or during holidays where the whole comforting schedule is thrown off. Not an excuse or reason to stay with someone, but probably not all of these men are machiavellian manipulator types.

So helpful. Thanks. I will re-set my experience and put his fuckery, desertion, thieving and lying down to Autism.

VeryUnlikely · 12/05/2024 23:54

Please teach us all how to recognise and avoid these autistic people who ruin lives.

mossylog · 13/05/2024 00:01

VeryUnlikely · 12/05/2024 23:52

So helpful. Thanks. I will re-set my experience and put his fuckery, desertion, thieving and lying down to Autism.

I think we've crossed wires, I wasn't referring to your story about your ex. He sounded vile and nothing about your description was like what I was talking about.

I was thinking about the guy who was described as rapidly zipping his coat or the men who are flipping out over really minor inconveniences like dropping icecream.

VeryUnlikely · 13/05/2024 00:07

mossylog · 13/05/2024 00:01

I think we've crossed wires, I wasn't referring to your story about your ex. He sounded vile and nothing about your description was like what I was talking about.

I was thinking about the guy who was described as rapidly zipping his coat or the men who are flipping out over really minor inconveniences like dropping icecream.

Crossed wires? Rightio. Thanks for leavening the load.

PaperRhino · 13/05/2024 00:07

My ex once forcefully threw a sandwich across the Subway in Faro airport in Portugal in front of me and the kids and dozens of shocked travellers cos he’d never ordered there before and copied me in choosing honey oat bread then had a tantrum because it was vaguely sweet (the clue is in the name!) My son just stared at him and asked “are you mental?” We are divorced now thank God

nadine90 · 13/05/2024 01:29

Sadly I have two sulky, nasty exes and loads of examples. The worst was before and after giving birth in hospital.
The most annoying was at a Radiohead concert I’d waited years for.
The funniest was when he rang his mum mid row to get her to have a go at me and I called him a mummy’s boy. The next day he sat sulking on the stairs like a toddler, asking me if I even remembered what I’d said. He was acting like I’d killed someone so I was questioning my own memory and asking “no, what did I say?!”
When he eventually told me (in a very quiet, serious voice) I’d called him a mummy’s boy it took all my restraint not to laugh and say “oh! Yeah I meant that!”

5YearsLeft · 13/05/2024 03:46

Johnthesensible · 12/05/2024 16:03

You say sulking....that is only half the story. People don't sulk for no reason. What led up to it.

Let's not kid ourselves that men or women just sit there 'sulking'. If they are there will always be a reason. Even the phrase sulking sounds like you refering to him as a child.

I would certainly not be happy stuck in a Peppa Pig queue for 3 hours nor the long train journey. Ultimately all we have is you complaining about his sulking but no reasons for it.

The one thing most of the examples given have in common is 'cost'. Trips abroad, fancy restaurants and shows....I have this vision of bills mounting up, you booking a holiday somewhere, he hits the roof, you come here to say he is sulking about a holiday.

No.

You don’t sulk. It’s not about being unhappy. It’s using your unhappiness as an excuse to stonewall and give the silent treatment, to punish someone you claim to love without ever communicating why until they “beg” you to tell them why (or likewise, beg you to stop telling them why for hours on end if they’re stuck somewhere with you, like a car). It’s pathetic and useless, it’s not acting like an adult. Adults communicate.

If you don’t want to stand in line for a ride at Peppa Pig World for three hours with your child, you need to communicate that. If you don’t want joint money being spent, you need to communicate that. And if you don’t agree with your partner, you break up.

What you don’t do is give them the silent treatment, make them walk on eggshells over it, treat them to Narcissism’s Greatest Hits… when you’ve communicated nothing. Look at how many of these specify that the poster paid for the whole vacation and her partner still sulked because sand is sandy, etc. It’s sad, and it’s wrong.

If someone doesn’t “fight fair” with you in your very first fight, if they display any of these behaviors, like the silent treatment or stonewalling or sulking, I’d drop that relationship like it was on fire.

EDIT: That said, I’ve also never said someone was “sulking” in real life simply because it seems like it’s easier to be more specific. Are they giving you the silent treatment? Are they being verbally abusive to you no matter what you say? Are they replying “yes, whatever” and literally sticking out their lower lip to everything? Is he still wildly upset over a situation that ended days ago? What someone calls a “sulk” can vary widely which is why you have these stories. Quite a few of them are emotional abuse.

mutationseagull · 13/05/2024 03:50

mossylog · 12/05/2024 23:48

While most of the sulkers described are just quite self-absorbed and manipulative, some of the descriptions of "tantrums" read to me as likely autistic meltdowns.

Not being able to cope when things don't go to plan, or during holidays where the whole comforting schedule is thrown off. Not an excuse or reason to stay with someone, but probably not all of these men are machiavellian manipulator types.

I have to agree with you here. Ashamed to say that some of the anecdotes described here remind me of myself. For me it's about struggling to cope with unexpected change due to my autism. It only really happens when I'm already depleted, but when it does happen it's like internal torture. I'm fully aware that it's unreasonable and disproportionate to the actual issue but it's like I'm trapped inside my own mind and I can't rationalise or express how I'm feeling. It's what's termed as an autistic shutdown as opposed to the more externally obvious meltdown (which is often misread as a 'tantrum'). But to the outside observer it probably looks like exactly like 'sulking'.

It isn't about controlling others to try and get my own way, it's about my neurology causing a lack of mental flexibility. Usually I just need a bit of time to adjust to the new plan. I'm sure some of you with autistic children are familiar with this kind of thing. Unfortunately it isn't something you automatically grow out of. I wish it was. I hate that I'm like this.

Another component to this, which also applies to me, is having grown up in an environment where it is unsafe to verbalise negative feelings. Unlike the autistic mental rigidity, this is something that can be improved upon. In my relationship, my partner has shown me that it is safe to talk to him if something has upset me. He won't get angry, minimise, invalidate or turn things around on me. After I've had some time to recalibrate, we talk things through and I apologise if I've been a dick. Because autism isn't an excuse for being a dick.

Anyway I would like to make it very clear that I'm not excusing any of the egregious behaviours described here, nor am I saying that any of the 'sulkers' described are definitely neurodivergent. This is just to shed some light on what might sometimes be going on 'under the hood', as it were.

Newnamehiwhodis · 13/05/2024 04:06
  1. Disneyland
  2. a beautiful resort on Kauai. He was actually capable of being miserable on an island, during a gorgeous vacation he didn’t pay for.
  3. on a cruise.

i swear, that man could ruin anything

Endoftheroad12345 · 13/05/2024 05:57

OMG I thought I’d win this thread but I see all of you married my ex husband too.

Mine are

  • in Singapore airlines business class because the kids were too excited about the fancy plane
  • at a gorgeous restaurant on the beach on the Amalfi coast because the Italian waiters were “too chaotic”
  • in the lead up to our wedding
  • every birthday and Christmas
  • at my favourite restaurant because he had to wait too long for his bread. Refused to ever return and the irony is he now takes his new gf there!!
  • on my arrival home from a once in a life time 10 days work trip away - massive strop and sulk bc he’d been left to look after our kids “alone” (with huge support from full time nanny and family who took them for sleepovers etc. I left him 4 days later
Endoftheroad12345 · 13/05/2024 06:00

i think @Johnthesensible is my ex 😂

Newestname002 · 13/05/2024 06:04

fromthegecko · 12/05/2024 18:20

Not a sulk, but a tantrum. I realised he had spilt the best part of a cup of coffee over a pile of newly ironed laundry, and when I pointed it out (naively thinking that between us we might manage to rescue some of the less badly affected flood victims), he threw the lot on the floor and did a little dance on them.

I sincerely hope that most of the stuff he ruined were his and that you left him to sort it out himself. 🌹

Newestname002 · 13/05/2024 06:05

Bekindmyarse · 12/05/2024 18:30

He is sulking again. Football didn’t go his way. I’m off to lose some more of his socks and dream of running away.

Fingers crossed you manage to escape soon, to a calmer, happier future. 🌹

Newestname002 · 13/05/2024 06:20

socialdilemmawhattodo · 12/05/2024 19:12

My, now ex DH, was a nasty sulker. This is only 1 example of many. Before we married my then employer, a bank, had booked Royal Naval College, Greenwich for a staff summer party. Partners invited very generously. Men in smart suits or blacktie; women in summer wear. Ex Turned up in a very casual attire, no suit, unshaven, hadnt cleaned teeth, refused to talk to work colleagues, sulked when I had a 2nd or possible 3rd glass bubbly. God I needed the fucking bottle! I married him - there was sulking before the wedding and it continued after. Often combined with possessive traits - just ghastly. If I get tempted I may post more examples!

Oh my goodness- how utterly insulting for you, other guests and your company/hosts! What sort of trash thinks this is the way to behave? I'm glad you're free of him now. 🌹

Meadowfinch · 13/05/2024 06:54

On holiday in Tobago. we'd hired a jeep and driven out to a nature reserve but the car was low on fuel and it was the first day so I wasn't sure where there were petrol stations.

He wanted to go further and threw a complete hissy when I turned back, but no way was I running out in 30 degrees, with no recovery and a 10 mile walk back.

He sulked for 4 days until I told him if he didn't stop, I'd move in to the local five star resort and leave him on his own.

He did improve slightly. Then our flight home was delayed and the holiday company put us up overnight in the 5* hotel. They paid meals but not drink. I asked dp if he would like to share a bottle of champagne since we were in such a lovely place and having an extra night for free. He said no way was he paying half of the $40.

So I ordered a bottle of champagne and one glass. 🙂

I ended it when we got home. No point in being with someone that intent on being a miserable arse.

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