Will the police protect my child?

[MadameDeLaRue]

(I have a separate thread on a related issue, but I want to focus on this specific topic)

My 7 year old has told me that her father has been strangling her often, for short periods, when angry. There is a history of coercive control against me.

Police are coming later to discuss.

Are they likely to do anything to protect my child? What can I expect in this meeting?

op what happened when the police came around?

Still no police.

I called to see when they were coming last night, and spoke with an operator who was quite dismissive and actually seemed annoyed with me for following up. This whole experience is very disappointing.

and you’re planning on sticking with the once during the week contact and EOW until told otherwise?

@beetforever No. I am in discussions with my solicitor, but I think we are likely to go down the path of no contact or supervised contact.

My ex will definitely be saying that this is part of an organised campaign by me to destroy his relationship with his child (strange, as I would think choking and intimidating a child may drive them away). So the whole question of contact is very fraught.

when is she next due with him if once a week during the week?

Wednesdays...so a lot is riding on what happens today.

Absolutely appalling attitude from the police operator OP. Keep calling, don't think twice about what the person on the phone thinks of you. Your advocating for your child, you're all she's got to protect her right now. You're doing amazing, keep pushing .

A couple of phrases here are really concerning. Whatever the police do, she absolutely must not go tomorrow!

He might use anything as part of a longer campaign, but you need to protect her right now.

On top of the physical danger, can you imagine the psychological impact of telling your mum you're being strangled and then being sent back into the situation a few days later?

This ☝️

How awful for your child. I am so sorry OP.
can you reach out to domestic abuse charities to see if you can get more advice and help? Gingerbread as well and other agencies aimed at supporting women and children in cases of domestic abuse. Do not send her back, your poor daughter. At least she sees you acting on what she’s told you and believing her. That will go a long way to healing what has happened.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain he has a long term campaign to paint me as a parental alienator who makes things up to ruin his relationship with his child. I really don't...but he does. Typical darvo stuff.

Anyway, point is that he is saying that I am on a campaign against him....

@Coldfinch my parents did not protect me. I will not be letting my own child down.

God how awful. I hope the police follow up very soon. And your ex is no longer allowed unsupervised contact. Wishing you all the strength.

That’s just awful they didn’t come.

Does his wife get involved in this treatment of your DD too? Your poor little girl

@CoastalRock thank you

@LittleMissSleepyUK he is very sneaky. I believe he only does these things when no one else is there, so he can plausibly deny them. He's a mean and nasty bully.

You need to take your daughter to a&e to check for damage if she has been regularly choked. This will then be on her medical records and social services and the police will be notified.
You must prevent your child being abused in this way.

@trythisforsize thanks - this is a very good idea.

I really wish the police would just come and take a report. They clearly don't care that much for children's safety.

Yes, I'm acknowledging that, and saying that it cannot influence your need to protect your DD right now.

If you do this, a&e will hopefully involve the police and children’s services from their end.

Have you spoken to DD’s school about the strangling disclosure? The safeguarding lead might be able to support you and her?

Yes, I have contacted everyone. All services seem to be stretched beyond capacity and no one is taking notice. Bloody austerity.

Still no sign of the police.

That is bloody unforgivable, I’m sorry that you’re having to fight so hard

It took me years to get through the court systems (not in the UK) and eventually he lost parental responsibility when they were 8 & 9. I cannot begin to tell you how hard it is.

You do need to explain to your DD that you will always support her but only she can tell the police what is happening because they need to hear it first hand. Don't coach her. But make she understands she absolutely has to be fully truthful with the police and the courts if it get that far.

Because the reality is that the only way she won't be sent back by the courts.

@Wallywobbles thank you. I am sorry you went through this.

What is your solicitor doing?

Do not send your child tomorrow whatever you do.

My solicitor is basically just advising me at the moment.

Not much we can do if there's no interest from authorities.

The police still haven't shown up and we are in a list of 40+ people waiting for a callout. We are low priority as my daughter is safe in my care.